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What are my chances? (I'm a woman)

 
 
Pik09ta
 
Reply Sat 12 Jul, 2014 12:49 pm
I'm in love with a teacher who is twenty years older than me. She teaches at university and I'm NOT underage.
I'm planning to ask her out after the course is over but I'm not sure what her reaction would be. She's very sweet and funny, we always make eye contact, talk, and I have caught her looking at me a couple of times. Plus, I know she isn't married and she doesn't have kids. What are my chances? Have you ever gone through something similar? I'm desperated!
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Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 1,047 • Replies: 10
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ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 12 Jul, 2014 01:12 pm
@Pik09ta,
1. will you be attending the same university she teaches at after you complete the course?

2. why do you say you love someone you haven't been out with yet?

3. is there a gay support group at the university where you can talk to other students about things like this?
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 12 Jul, 2014 01:13 pm
@Pik09ta,
Pik09ta wrote:
I know she isn't married and she doesn't have kids.


point of reference - these two facts tell you nothing about her sexual orientation
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Pik09ta
 
  1  
Reply Sat 12 Jul, 2014 01:18 pm
@ehBeth,
1) Yes, but she won't give me classes never again.
2) I didn't say I love, I said I'm in love, which is not the same thing. Let's call it a crush, if you want.
3) Yes.

Regarding your statement below, I know that those facts tell me nothing about her sexual orientation, but it is something that I can take into account, I guess.
Butrflynet
 
  1  
Reply Sat 12 Jul, 2014 01:24 pm
@Pik09ta,
Your chances are as good for you as they are for anyone else taking the risk of expressing their interest in someone and asking for a date.
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Sat 12 Jul, 2014 01:30 pm
@Pik09ta,
given that you'll still be attending the same university, I'd say she'd be stupid to go out with you. It is still a firing offense for an instructor to date a student at enough universities for that to be a problem for her career - whether or not it is a firing offense at your particular school. Word travels about relationships between instructors and students - the academic world is small and gossipy.

Talk to other students about this - having crushes on people in powerful roles is not unusual - you just have to learn how to manage those crushes.

Love/in love - both are heavily freighted words/phrases.

ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 12 Jul, 2014 01:31 pm
@Butrflynet,
Butrflynet wrote:

Your chances are as good for you as they are for anyone else taking the risk of expressing their interest in someone and asking for a date.


that's not correct. Professors are hyper-aware of the dangers of students asking them out and are much more likely to say no than the average crushee who doesn't have a career to protect.
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ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 12 Jul, 2014 01:34 pm
@Pik09ta,
Pik09ta wrote:
Have you ever gone through something similar?


for reference, I've got a number of friends who are instructors and professors and have to deal with this sort of crush on a horribly regular basis. They tell me it's one of the more unpleasant parts of their profession -having to put people off/not doing anything that might be seen as encouraging of the people with crushes on them.
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jespah
 
  1  
Reply Sat 12 Jul, 2014 01:41 pm
I would add that the dynamic of being taught by someone you like can be rather powerful, but once the class ends, you may feel differently. Once that dynamic goes away, it tends to remove a lot of the basis for the crush.
Pik09ta
 
  1  
Reply Sat 12 Jul, 2014 01:44 pm
@jespah,
I know that the crush will vanish eventually. But I really like her and I'd like to go out with her, I don't want any kind of relationship! Nothing formal.
0 Replies
 
Pik09ta
 
  1  
Reply Sat 12 Jul, 2014 01:46 pm
@ehBeth,
Thank you very much!
0 Replies
 
 

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