Terrible Twos

Did I mention that when she's with other kids and grownups, she's the sweetest child you've ever seen?

She shares her toys, even offers them. She's very polite - "please, thank you, bless you'. She likes to play with babies and entertain them.

Just wait the twos are nothing. The Threes are much worse. Hey she sounds like my 5 year old. Seriously it is a difficult time. I think the best think to do say for example at meal time is like what you are currently doing - give her a choice. Once the choice is made, too bad if she changes her mind. Say (as I do) that is what you chose and that is all you can have now. And stick by it. If she throws a fit, let her and ignore her. If she throws things like her milk she chose, then take the milk away. Once she settles down then give it back to her. Repeat as necessary. If you are afraid of her hurting herself, but her in her crib until she settles down or some where that she cannot hurt herself.

As far as school, I think 2 days a week will help her a lot. That is actually what I did and have been doing with my daughter. It does teach them about sharing and being a little independent, etc. I don't think that full time is necessary or would be any more of a benefit. It would be a more personal decision on your part.

My daughter too is as sweet as pie with others and does all the same things you describe so you are certainly not alone and your daughter is not the least bit unusual, she is just being a two-year-old. The temper tantrums do eventually go away especially if you do not give her extra attention when she pulls them.

Worse??? Nooooooo !!!

Well, I have to say, she was really good today. She had to put up with me at Home Depot (I get very cranky there).


Thanks for the input.

Glad today went well!

3.5 year old, been there done that, well can't say it's all past tense. But I remember The Change. What happened??!

One big thing is communication. My daughter's first language was ASL (American Sign Language), and from all of my discussions with other parents of toddlers (and there have been a lot of these discussions, IRL and online), that really made a big difference in her frustration level. Kids have the manual dexterity necessary to sign long before they can actually form words.

There are a lot of ASL resources out there, if that's something you're interested in I can tell you more.

I'm sure you've heard of Dr. Sears, lots of great practical advice on his website:

www.askdrsears.com

General advice from me:

1.) You're doing the right thing by giving her choices. But I found that at some point too many choices became distressing for my daughter, and what she really wanted was for me to take control; I had to find that line, which I think varies for all kids. In the example with juice/ milk you gave, I think I'd probably just say, "Here, I'll leave the juice and the milk and you can decide which one you're having. Hey, see that red bird outside??" (That last part was just a random example of some distraction that didn't involve choice -- not going straight from the juice/ milk thing to "So what do you want for dinner?", but taking a break from the power struggle and just connecting.)

2.) Involve your daughter in the planning stage. I think it was my husband who introduced my daughter to the idea around then, it worked well. "First, we're going to put on your clothes. Then, we're going to brush your teeth. Then we're going to go to the grocery store! Yay!" Knowing what to expect seemed to help.

3.) Wear her out. DO stuff. This is about when the staying around the house and gazing into each others' eyes thing starts to wear thin. Make sure she has adventures, sees new things, meets new people, etc.

4.) However, be careful about the independence/ own space thing. One of the things she's testing is what she can get away with without rupturing your bond. If you show that the bond is easily ruptured, she will be less secure. If she is insecure, she will act up more. Just being there for her, being patient, and being quietly in control (without imposing control) is what will get you guys through this. Easier said than done, I know!!

As with any parenting advice, though, it has too fit with what feels comfortable to you. I know that people have taken much more authoritarian stands and that's worked fine. The very most important thing is consistency -- if you have been the sort of parent that can be described as too permissive, I think you probably haven't been an authoritarian kind of parent, and a change might well alarm your daughter and make the problems more marked. Creativity and patience.

Can give you more specific advice maybe with specific scenarios.

Good luck! Twos and threes are tough (coff) but also really really fun.

It does get better as they get older. They do tend to get out of the real bratty stage. My 5 year old will realize now when is being well behaved and say, "Mommy I've been a very good girl today." She does get very proud of herself now when she handles situations well and appropriately rather than whining and throwing fits. So it is promising it just takes repetition, repetition, repetition and some humor to help you through.

Humor helps! :-D

I have a 3 year old son and I went through alot of the same stuff. It's still not over, but it's definately better. I tried lots of different things and there were definately days that I thought my two year old was going to walk all over me for the rest of our lives. But then one day I just started talking to him and explained to him what his choices were. I feel communication and consistency are the only ways to get through to my son. When your daughter tries to do stuff that you know she can't do by herself, unless it will harm her, let her realize her limits. My son was very stubborn when it came to this, so finally I would just leave him alone and eventually he would ask for help. Now when a situation like that arises and I say "Lucas you may need mommy's help for that.", he seems to be more open to letting me help. Two year olds can be frustrating, but it does get better. Plus, when you look back you'll get a good laugh about how this little person made you feel like you were losing your mind!

It's been getting better, but only because my husband and I are more used to her mood swings.

I usually just let her alone when she's trying to do something, as you suggest. Last night my husband walked in on her trying to put a difficult clothing item on. All he did was ask, 'Do you need some help with that?' and she had a screaming fit and ordered him into the living room. So he left her alone. After awhile she emmerged from her room all dressed.

Thanks for your input.