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Take some time off work

 
 
ziawj2
 
Reply Sat 19 Apr, 2014 05:29 am
I ask my student to write a letter. In this letter, he needs to take some time off work because off his mother's sudden illness. I think the some words used inappropriately, such as 'apply for', 'promise', 'allowance'. And I don't think native-speakers will not wrote 'I will show you the telegram about my mother's illness to support my application' because of cultural differences. Right? How will you write the letter if you ask for leave off work?

Dear Manager,
  I’m sorry to apply for taking ten days’ off from the Apr. 13th to 23rd. My mother now in the hospital is badly ill and I have to take care of her for a few days, for I’m the only child in my family. I will show you the telegram about my mother’s illness to support my application. I promise I will do my best to compensate for the missed works after I come back. Wish for your allowance. Thanks.
    Yours respectfully,
   Mary
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contrex
 
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Reply Sat 19 Apr, 2014 06:16 am
I would probably write something like this:

Date

Dear Manager (Use manager's name e.g. Mr Smith)

I wish to apply for leave of absence to care for my mother, who is sick in hospital. As the only child of the family, I am the only person available to do this. I can provide the telegram I have received from the hospital in support of this application if required. I am prepared to make up for any missed work upon my return.

Your respectfully

Mary
ziawj2
 
  1  
Reply Sat 19 Apr, 2014 06:29 am
@contrex,
Thank you. The changes you made seem very natrual. And is the reason why you deleted the last sentence wordy? And please help me compare A with B. Which one is better? And could you make more changes to the the better one? Thank you.
A
Dear manager,
Please allow me to take 2 days off work for something urgent. The department I rent expired yesterday. And my landlord asked me to move out in 3 days for there is another renter will move in. so I have to find a new department and make a move as soon as possible. If there are extra arrangements for me during the 2 days, you can tell my partner Lily about them. I will finish them as quickly as I can after my day off.
B
Dear Mr. Smith,
Please allow me to take 2 days off work for an emergency. The apartment I have rent will expired in a couple of days, however, yesterday I was required to move out in 2 days for the landlord had rent it to another one. Therefore, I have to rent a new one and move to it as soon as possible. If there are extra arrangements needing me to deal with during my absence, please transfer to my partner, Lily, whom I will hand over to, or suspend them until I come back to work.
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