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Mon 19 Apr, 2004 06:40 am
Remember, Teen Mom is physically disabled and can not lift baby.
Teen Mom criticizes Grandma daily and never says thank you for anything other than a meal brought in. She thinks Grandma is being too much of "Mom" to the baby but the Teen Mom will not try her best and would rather watch tv or computer than to have the baby sit on her lap and play. Teen Mom will tell Grandma she is fat, ugly and she doesnt care about her. Teen Mom will threaten to throw out all Grandma gave baby because Teen Mom says it is HER baby and not Grandmas and she will choose all her baby gets not Grandma. Grandma doesnt think in these jealous terms. Grandma just wants the baby to have nice things to wear and it seems the Teen Mom is jealous. Teen Mom threatens to move out away from Grandma now that Grandma is attached to the baby and the baby to Grandma just to exert her Teen Mom power play yet realistically she has no financial means nor physical means of doing it in reality.
Teen Mom will cry and pitch this SAME fit over and over for hours and Grandma tries to ignore it. Grandma is not going to withhold love and play with the baby at all just because Teen Mom pitches fit but wont do it herself. Teen Mom was dumped by the father while pregnant and he was bad news so it was good riddence and not in the picture. Grandpa tells
Teen Mom to appreciate all Grandma and Grandpa does as Grandma gave up her job to help Teen Mom and Grandpa works more to support the baby and to make up for Grandmas lack of outside job so that Grandma can buy nice things for the baby. Teen Mom will tell Grandma if Grandma wants to play Mommy then Grandma can do everything and quit asking for her to help....problem is is that the Teen Mom does only about 30% of care anyway so it really doesnt make a difference other than the mean lip service to Grandma and telling Grandma she does everything wrong with the baby anyway acting like she is a mother expert. Grandma thinks the Teen Mom has low self esteem and because of that lack is jealous that Grandma really does a great job and the Teen Mom sees the baby bonding more to the Grandma so Teen Mom is wanting to block that happy bond and direct it back to her but Teen Mom doesnt want to earn the bond by doing the time with the baby like Grandma has to because Teen Mom cant or wont. Attempts by Grandma to encourage Teen Mom to be more involved is not successful so Teen Mom does only 30% of care. Also remember this was a high risk pregnancy and Grandma cared for Teen Mom 100% for 6 months too and still does drive both to Doctors and all. When Grandma feels a tad ill or tired from being up all night with the baby and needs help from the Teen Mom the Teen Mom says "too bad...you want to play Mommy" and will not help.
This is not the case. Grandma is having to fo the mommy role because the Teen Mom cant or wont. So what do you think Grandma can do to help resolve some of these issues with this rebellious, ungrateful Teen Mom with a mean jealous controlling streak and comments to Grandma daily?
What a horrible situation. Is there some sort of teen mother program available in your area? Maybe some where that your daughter could get some counseling because it seems like she needs it desperately. Also, it there some where Grandma can get some support, some sort of support group because it also seems as if Grandma could use some help at least some emotional support.
Quite a bit of this is wrapped up the teenaged daughter and her mother dynamic. Take the baby out of the picture and you have standard teenage surliness (yes, I know, a lot of teens aren't surly).
The Teen Mom has little control over things and that is making things tougher for her. She is being pulled into several different directions -
* finish school!
* take care of the baby!
* get a job!
* respect your parents!
To her, this is probably sounding like a lot of tote that barge, lift that bale. And, she may be seeing Grandma's intercessions - kind as they are - as being somewhat interfering with her (Teen Mom's) relationship with her child. Teen Mom can't make Grandma go away, of course, nor should she want to. However, is Grandma giving Teen Mom a chance to be a mother - even a not so good mother, by Grandma's standards? Parenting styles differ, and if the baby is not being abused or neglected, who's to say which particular methodology is absolutely the best one?
Teen Mom is probably seeing that she has nearly no control over her own life, or the life of her child. This makes Teen Mom depressed and listless, and makes her look like an even worse mother than before. And then Grandma comes in and takes care of everything - and Teen Mom can't get her opinions in at all.
This is a power struggle on several levels. It is a struggle for power over the child and a struggle for power over the household.
How old is Teen Mom? 17? 19? 13? Despite being disabled, there are things that Teen Mom could be trained to do for a living. Can she type? Work a cash register? Do manicures for people? There are places where vocational training is available for people with disabilities. If Teen Mom starts working and having her own money, she will be less dependent on Grandma and will be better able to assert herself re what she thinks is best for her child.
Grandma, for her part, can help by encouraging Teen Mom to get vocational or other training in order to better her life. Grandma can also help by getting Teen Mom into counseling, and perhaps considering some counseling for herself, in order to understand how she can defuse this power struggle and keep it from escalating and making life at home even more unpleasant than it already is.
The link for the first Teen Mom thread:
http://www.able2know.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=23132&start=0
Personally, if I were sending flowers to that house for Mother's Day, they'd be addressed to Grandma.
There is much more to motherhood than getting pregnant by a no good sperm donor.
How old is Teen Mom? If she is under 18, calling in Social Services might be an excellent idea.
Seems like TeenMom and Grandma could both use some support and counselling.
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