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Sun 18 Apr, 2004 07:35 pm
If the teen Mom is disabled unable to work due to physical disability and needs a lot of daily help of Grandma to raise the baby... is it wrong of the Grandma to pick out and buy clothes and toys for the baby? Or should the Grandma give the money instead to the teen Mom so she can go and pick out the toys and clothes she chooses to get for the baby?
We thought since it is Grandma's money, Grandma should be allowed to buy and give what she wants to the baby and the Teen Mom should save and spend her own money on what she wants for the baby.,,,,but the Teen Mom gets mad and jealous of the Grandma picking out things for the baby thinking that steps over into the "Mom" boundary of baby care and tells Grandma she can not buy things like that or it is wrong.
Hmmm. What are YOUR thoughts on this boundary issue?
Seems to be a rather unusual situation.
Does she have any specific objections about the purchases?
(example: this toy is too noisy; this outfit looks uncomfortable)
Teen Mom & Grandma
No, the toys are age appropriate and the clothes are the right size and normal Carters stuff. It more the fact that the Teen Mom wants to choose what the baby wears and what toys it gets and not have Grandma choose even though Grandma makes great choices. Although the Teen can not afford what Grandma can. It is almost like a power struggle with who is Mom that the Teen Mom creates in her head probably because she can not be like a normal Mom????? What do you think?
I think the teen mom needs to be a little bit more appreciative of Grandma! Maybe she should even tell Grandma, "Thank You for all your love, patience and help," every once in a while. It's a tough world out there. I am sorry you are disabled, and I am sure it makes it much tougher, but it really is a wonderful thing that Grandma is there to help out. Ever wander how tough it would be otherwise?
This is sort of crazy.
All the help teen mom is getting, and she wants to complain about gifts for her baby...
I agree that she should be thankful that she is getting so much help--and that Grandmom is so kind to buy for the baby.
If teen mom is asked what she'd like for Christmas or her birthday, she could ask for money to make purchases for baby that are to her liking.
I definitely see this as a boundary question. I don't see it as a Teen Mom/Grandma issue - it's a pretty common Mom/Grandma issue. I hear this kind of thing at work all the time (fom moms in their 20's, 30's and 40's).
Maybe Grandma could hold off on buying toys and clothes for the baby. Let Teen Mom handle this stuff other than for birthday and Christmas. And Grandma should be asking Teen Mom what she'd like the child to get as a gift on those occasions. That seems to be fairly standard Mom/Grandma/Aunt protocol.
Hating to disagree with sensible ehBeth--
I think it is rude to question or complain about a gift--from family or friends--under any circumstances.
Either recieve graciously, or give it back.
I don't approve of the complaining - backing off on the gifting should stop that source of complaining.
I'm looking to the future on this, giving up on what happened in the past.
I guess it could be considered a delicate issue.
But basically, too bad for teen mom. She doesn't have the money to make the choices she would like. She is fortunate that someone can do this in her stead. I do understand how she is feeling, but she can't control grandma's purchases. It's not her money to choose how to spend. Baby will still love mommy best, if she's a good and loving mommy.
I agree with the others in saying that teen mom should appreciate everything grandma is doing for her baby instead of acting like a baby herself.
I don't understand the issue with teen mom. I am not a teen mom and do not need my mother's support financially to buy clothes or toys for my babies. However, my mom has purchased clothes and toys for my children. She loves them, it is natural and normal. I have no issue with it and am completely appreciative of it. It is certainly helpful considering how much such items cost and how quickly babies grow out of clothes. I would never expect or want my mother to give me money to buy such items. I realize that part of the satisfaction and fun is to pick these items out yourself when you are a grandmom. Obviously the teenage mom has issues if she is not appreciative of grandma's generosity.
Sometimes it is humiliating to be helped all the time. TM probably feels frustrated that she can't be more independent. That's my guess as to what the 'real issue' is.
But sharkpower, you seem to understand that, right?
TM could probably use a good counselor, to help her figure out a way to be more independent and more comfortable accepting help.
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