Everyone: I'd like to take a moment to say thank you all so very much. Despite the arguments and dealing with misunderstandings and whatnot. I am overwhelmed with words to say. I have exams, as it continues the upcoming days. Got out early today, faced my anxiety, overcame my anxiety as I had been trying to back out and put off. I had told myself prior to the beginning of this week that this Thursday I would go down there, being the most convenient day of the week. So I kind of hesitantly but at the same time rushing down there. There was a crosswalk cop standing in the vicinity I had to walk by, and also the school building classroom windows. I get nervous from my surrounding because not knowing who would see me and wonder why out through he window. Especially, if you're talking about a teacher of mine, they might be suspectful. Got through that, the cop didn't look at me, didn't even look like he noticed me or was paying attention. Walked a little further because there's a small path between the construction site and the present school and normally, you wouldn't see some random girl walking through there, you know. Lol. Made it by, stayed in a spot hesitating to go further to the school field where the rest of the construction site was because the school, I was basically in the back so someone could look out and see me. For some that really sparked my nerves and anxiety up, being seen by someone and them thinkin what the heck. But once I got through it, I was fine. Finally got myself to a convenient spot. Now, THANK THE GOOD LORD ALMIGHTY. The guy in the cat is still there. He's been there all along, and I've been stressing when I didn't see him anymore. It's a different section of the construction site, and it makes sense to me. I was there for about 2 hours keeping a watch. I don't know if anyone is aware of how they have the dark green covering, tall fences guarding off the site, really obstructs views so I guess I wouldn't be obvious to anyone walking by me. Worked for me because the few construction workers who walks by didn't notice me, unless they really don't pay attention to the outside...probably the answer. I must say, I was deep breathing standing there at the beginning, but over time, not too long until my anxiety lessened and I feel more relaxed. There's something about the scent, maybe it's a combination of scent and site, but of a construction site that really relieves my anxiety. I feel wonderful. No tension or anything. Anyways, I gathered up a plan to us both seeing each other again and communicating. I did have voices in my head saying: be cautious. As I saw "no trespassing" signs etc. the track gate is locked, however, with my friend we could certainly climb over, not like there will be any wrong doing just walking the track. Or we could walk all the way around into the woods but that might be much more complicated. Well needless to say I do feel pretty damn accomplished.
