@cindy20,
You say he was sentenced to life on his third offense - was it a three strikes and you're out sentence - the kind I used to read about over here (America) where you could have three drug-related offenses, three burglary offenses-three offenses of any kind and be sentenced to life? What exactly was his offense? Is HE a murderer, rapist, child molester - or someone who got caught committing lesser crimes too often?
I wouldn't know what to do in this situation myself. Having worked in a prison, I know there are lifers (because I met them) who feel extreme remorse for what they did at what was the worst moment in their life, and would never do it again and were decent, intelligent, moral people paying the price for a mistake they made. I also met lifers who didn't give a **** who they hurt and how and were just angry they got caught and would still be committing the same crimes that got them put away if they ever got out. Which sort is your child's father?
As far as children visiting in the prison where I worked, we had family days...where certain prisoners who'd earned the right could have their wives and children come, be taken out to the soccer field or to the rec hall if it was raining and play catch and other games, color and/or read books together, etc. The prison library also had a program where the inmate could make a tape of himself reading a book to his child.
I guess the question I'd ask myself is if your child's father is someone within himself you'd want your child to be exposed to. Is he a good person who did some bad things or is he a bad person who will always do bad things and hurt other people - including your child?
And even if he's the first sort of person, I'd still have to really think about it if it were me, for the reasons you gave - exposing your child and yourself to the second sort of people that definitely ARE in prisons. Most inmates I knew didn't even have pictures of their wives and children displayed in their cells because they didn't want the other men to see them-they were protective of their families identities.
Because yeah - it is its own community and there are networks inside and outside the walls of the prison and a man inside knows he's vulnerable if he pisses off the wrong people and his family on the out is within reach of people other prisoners know outside and he's inside and unable to protect them.
So - I can honestly say, I don't know what to tell you to do because I wouldn't even know what to do if it were me and I had intimate knowledge of all the ins and outs and variables of the situation.
Good luck to you and your child.