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Mon 18 Nov, 2013 03:49 pm
Last year when my daughter was 12, when she started 7th grade, she started sexting, borrowing her friends cell phones at school, taking her friends cell phones to the school bathroom or using her friends cell phones at the changing room (for gym), to take nude photos of herself and send it to her friends, and post it on the internet. I complained to the school, then the district, then the board of education, they did nothing. I sat her by the computer told her she will stay there until she logs on to the websites and deletes the photos and she sat there all weekend without deleting the photos. I grounder her, that didn't help, so I started taking away more privileges. It got to the point where I took everything out of her room except a mattress and a blanket, and a few simple clothes, she hasn't stopped. She just sat in the same place all day for 7 months and still she didn't stop. In march I decided to take her to counseling and she kept insisting to the counselor she can do what ever she wants she will continue to do this and she has the right to do this because I don't pay for the phone. She went to summer school because she did poorly in school and was sexting all summer. I complained to the police and they just had a firm talking to with her. During the summer she was arrested and spent 1 week in jail but hasn't stopped. Last month she was arrested again for an incident relating to a nude photo of her friend (she convinces and manipulates her friends into doing this) and spent 3 days in juvie while an investigation was pending. They released her to me and she still hasn't stopped.
We had CPS investigate and they gave her a firm talking to. They asked her if she was sexually absed and she kept insisting she wasn't and defended us as parents. They told her firmly and authoritively she's not an adult and has no right to send nude photos and if she continues to do it they will have serious problems and that's when she called them names and said she doesn't care she will do what she wants.
3 weeks ago on Monday I discovered a permanent tattoo on her arm (it was the n-word in graffiti) and I had her wash it off but it didn't come off. She said her friends did it and she came home with more permanent tattoos on later days. I raised hell at her school, district and board of education but she is so out of control they can't control her.
@McMom,
My sympathies on this tragedy and distressful series of events...but if all your efforts as parents, the authorities, counseling and all this time hasn't solved the problem/problems what kind of expectations do you have of help from this forum - a forum of peers?
Why are you complaining to the school board, etc.? Because it happened at school?
If your daughter was using her friends phones there is probably no way she can delete them. The photos are out there. They're on the friend's phones and on the phones of whoever they got sent to.
If she didn't delete the photos from web sites why didn't you delete them? Why didn't you notify the site they there were photos of a minor child? Why didn't you ask them to cancel her account?
If this were my kid I suppose the first thing I would do is put her in another school -- away from these friends.
I would also be knocking on the doors of the friends and notifying their parents that their kid was in possession of nude photos of a minor child. These kids could get into some serious trouble for that.
@McMom,
You could hire a private investigator to determine who it is on the receiving end of all this. I suspect some online sexual predator has been grooming her and now she is doing this stuff to continue receiving their approval. You might contact some of the organizations that specialize in victims of sexual predators to see what they have to suggest you do. They may have some PI referrals for you too.
Many young teenage girls go through an out-of-control "wild phase" lasting a year or two; my sister went through one in the 1960's
@Butrflynet,
Also, take the damned electronics away. Cancel the cell phone accounts. Unplug the computers. Stop all financial support that is paying for these things.
Stop trying to reason with her and just remove the devices she is using to perpetuate this stuff.
I agree. Who is paying for this phone? Cut if off.
Your daughter is exhibiting behavior typical of a sexually abused child or over sexually stimulating childhood, i.e. watching porn. She is acting extremely provocative and she is turning someone on. Maybe you can find out who.
What do the counselors say to you? Is she on medication?
The nearest convent is another option . . .
@McMom,
I'm sorry but I don't buy this story.
Where are the cops in this? Where is CPS, beyond the scant involvement you're claiming? Why can't you take away your own child's phone? This is a 13 year old girl, not the heavyweight champion of the world.
I'm sorry, but the story doesn't seem to wash.
I agree.
A 13 year old with "friends" putting permanent tatoos on her? Nah.
@McMom,
@ boomerang: she is a member of multiple sites and a few have nude photos (only 1 website has the most and is daily updated by her) I notified the websites on all her accounts but only one account got deleted and guess what? She created another one.
USERS** these are her FRIENDS cell phones. they belong to her FRIENDS. she borrows from them at school and takes nude photos at school
@jespah,
You have it right. If this 13 yr old's friends have her nude pix on
their cellphones, they can be convicted of child pornography and be required to register as sex offenders. The law slams hard on this. Anyone in posession of her photos is in a heap of trouble. I can't believe mom has not figured this out. All she needs to do is squeeze the right neck.
@McMom,
As a
last resort, you can ask the courts to deem her as an incorrigible. Any judge hearing this story would demand psychological testing and, my guess, the next stop would be a state hospital. I would never recommend this except that she is already "in the system". You have my deepest sympathies.
@McMom,
This sort of behaviour is usually indicative of sexual abuse. I'd get her into a psychological counselling program with someone experienced in minor sex abuse cases and see what's going on.
While youthful sexual exploration is normal , there's that, and there's this. This isn't that.
@McMom,
Quote:We had CPS investigate and they gave her a firm talking to. They asked her if she was sexually absed and she kept insisting she wasn't and defended us as parents. They told her firmly and authoritively she's not an adult and has no right to send nude photos and if she continues to do it they will have serious problems and that's when she called them names and said she doesn't care she will do what she wants.
This doesn't sound right.
CPS should set up your daughter with services... meaning therapy for her and for you, particularly if she has been arrested.
I strongly suggest that you get services. She should be seeing a therapist. So should you since problems like this happen within families and the relationship between you two has to be worked on.
You should get get help. Go see a therapist and have you daughter see a therapist too.
@maxdancona,
while you advice seems appropriate, the person (OP) has been off the forum for 2.5 yrs. It's always useful to offer such advice to others who might need this guidance, but it's unlikely that the OP will communicate with you or benefit as they've moved on.
@Ragman,
Well. A lot of folks come around just to read. Maybe they can be helped.
Maybe
@neologist,
That's why I said the following:
Quote: "It's always useful to offer such advice to others who might need this guidance."
@Ragman,
You should not assume folks will read your entire post.
@neologist,
wow..my tediousness level is about 2 sentences worth? Then again, attention spans are shrinking.
@Ragman,
In my defense, I have been using my cell phone all day.
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