Modern Problems

And, how on earth do you keep the edges from turning into a mouth slashing brittle mass while the cheese is barely melted?

Oh roger, it's not just the microwave, I wish that was my only problem.

The thermostat.

A couple of months ago I started a thread in the middle of the night because I couldn't get the air conditioner to turn on, and I was about to slit my throat. Apparently I abused this modern convenience by accidently setting up about 8000 programs on it, when I was trying to do was lower the temperature. Every 2 minutes it defaulted back to the setting of "off", as we say in the trade.

That damn thing got ripped out of the wall and replace with a digital one that has 3 settings....heat....air....off.....and you (gasp) manually set it to where you want it, and remember to turn it up or down before you leave the house.

No problems since then, and I don't need an engineering degree to turn on the heater.

Gee, I've been fighting for a month or two with my refrigerator door.
One day the door made a loud sort of noise when it closed. I investigated, nothing in the way of it closing. Time went by since I'm slow re refrigerators, and I got it that the door was out of balance, not hanging quite straight. I took it to be hitting the temperature control knob on the panel just under the freezer that sits above the fridge. (That hasn't broken yet.) So for weeks I've been angling the door slightly up so the whunk noise lessened quite a bit.

Yesterday the noise stopped. I stared at the inner refrigerator door. I had tossed a bottle of milk that was getting iffy. The light dawned. I should either put heavier stuff on the bottom main shelf, or put milk (etc) at the hinge end of the door space.

This in not the same refrigerator that had me nuts about it having a bearing go out since when recognized the noise from refrigerators past. That refrigerator eventually failed - even though I kept trying to improve the balance on the tile floor - but not from the bearings. I learned that in the subsequent year when I kept finding crickets in the house. They set up cricket space behind the refrigerator and stove. They sound like bad bearings.

It's a bitch being a luddite, ain't it, Chai?

I'm not opposed to technology or progress.....when it works.

I was obviously kidding about the microwave. When I was heating my lunch at work and deciding on 17, 18 or 19 seconds, I was reminded of a conversation I'd had the month before w/ my husband.

He called from the kitchen "How long to I cook this (fill in the blank) for?

I said something like "39 seconds" He said "really, I was going to cook it for 42" and we got involved deciding which would be better.

Re the thermostat...I don't want to have to have my life "programed" like I come home/go to bed/get up the exact same time every day, or even every Thursday. I really don't care if it's kinda too warm in the summer when I get home, because I'm just so okay with waiting 10 whole minutes to cool down.

Call me a mad cap devil may care, I live on the edge (and can figure out what an appropriate tip is without using my phone)

I was just jokin' too, Chai. I enjoyed your pretend rant.

I think he was heating a knish.

42 seconds is way to long for that.

I couldn't agree more. 39 seconds is all a knish ever needs.

AND another thing......

Tuna fish cans.

What's the deal with them not having flip tops?

Everything else has flip tops these days, but if you want a damn tuna fish sammich ya gotta drag out the can opener.


It's the same with cat food. All the other flavors have flip tops. The savory beef, chicken and liver.....even the tuna and liver. But if you want to give the boys a straight tuna dinner, again with the can opener.

The symbols and dials on modern car controls get me all a fluster.

These things are obviously designed nowadays by adolescents with pin sharp, perfect eyesight who can tell straight away that the tiny little white things positioned by the side of the dial represents a seated human and the even more miniscule white dot in front of it is an arrow pointing in a certain direction.

Of course, what you are supposed to do is to turn the dial so that another tiny white blurry thing matches up with the miniscule fuzzy wotsit around the outside, that fulfils your desired cool/warm air direction.....into your face, up onto the screen, down to your feet or a combination of all.

I now more often than not find myself shooting down the motorway on a hot summer's day with sweat coming off my brow and frozen feet, furiously looking for a magnifying glass so that I can achieve something called climate control.

Who remembers one big dial with red at one end and blue at the other. Next to it was another big dial with small fan one end and large the other.
I could work those, no problem.

This is exactly what I 'm getting at.

Imagine a mirror image of this picture (my wheel is on the right, because we drive on the correct side) and you will see that directly by the gear stick there are four dials.
These are at least three feet away from your eyes, and to study them the driver would almost have to look directly downwards.
Now expand the picture and you will see that all those little dots represent quite intricate tweeks to basically what should be a simple task of heating or cooling a two person cabin.

Aaaaargh!

Bloody German teenagers!

........and don't even get me started on unwrapping new gadgetry, even before you try to decipher how it works.

Yes! I totally understand. WTF are all those buttons (if these kids even call them buttons nowadaws) on the right upper side? What is this, a recording studio?

Below is a picture of the A/C on my first car, a 19(probably around 70) AMC Hornet. This was back in 1977 or 1978.

I was thrilled I HAD air conditioning (shakes cane at whipper snappers)

Look how easy it was.
You knew, for instance only to set it on "desert only" when you were actually in the desert.
Since I grew up in NJ, about a mile from the Atlantic Ocean, you can be sure I never dared throttling that dial all the way up to there!

My friend Craig once put it up to that setting while I was strictly paying attention to the beer in my hand so I wouldn't spill any on me while hydroplaning on that slick of oil and water in the road, and you could be sure I never let him ride with me again.

That is EXACTLY how all modern cars should work!
Hot, Cold, High, Low.

All you need then is a cassette player and a little oil can light that comes on when something major has gone wrong.

Who cares if a sidelight goes off, or the passenger door is slightly open?

Health and Safety gone mad!

Have you ever come home from a long day of work then wash your hands because you were on the subway and you don't want to get the flu or worse ... only for your bladder to tell you after the fact that you now have to urgently go pee.

Where were you pee feeling before I washed my hands?! Now I have to wash my hands for a second time after relieving myself!

You wash your hands after peeing?

When I was young, water was rationed I'll have you know.


Or was it butter?


Oh, and I hate the word normalcy creeping in to British TV.

What the hell is wrong with good old normality?

I'm now officially ranting.

Wait.

You were going to hold your junk after being on the subway, but BEFORE your washed your hands?

Don't you know those germs crawl up your abdomen and into your mouth?

So what if you touched and infected your Johnson, then washed your hands, then later, for reasons I don't want to know about, touched your joystick again?

That's how plagues start.

You could be responsible for up to 45% of the population dying within the next 8 months.

The next 3 months if the London Underground has anything to do with it.

Ooops! My bad.