1
   

Canada announces going out of business sale.

 
 
Reply Thu 1 Apr, 2004 02:38 pm
Ottawa - After more than 100 years of colonialism, false starts and poorly working heaters, Canada put itself on the auction block Friday, just a week after declaring three branches of its armed forces were bankrupt "and really really cold."

Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin was saddened by the news, but when it became evident that they didn't qualify to join the European Union because of unfair geography restrictions, leaders of Parliment felt they had no other choice.

"Of course we're European," Martin said. "Just look how we consistently condemn America and then apologize quickly afterwards so we benefit from our close friendship and strong economic ties. If that's not European, I don't know what the hell is."

Being snubbed by Europe was just part of what finally caused Canada to agree to sell. They also have lackluster television programming and recently ran out of winter coats.

Among the countries expected to bid are the United States, Iran, Syria and North Korea . The latter three expressed great interest in exploring the "Great White North" and promised it had nothing to do with their desire to invade "The Great Western Satan."

"Canada seemed like a great idea awhile back," former Prime Minister Jean Chretien lamented. "Beautiful scenery, great fishing and recreation and a never ending supply of ice."

"Who am I kidding? It's the worst, most uninhabitable place on the planet -- and Eskimos are really, really scary."

Included in sale:

1.5 million square miles of real estate. Of that 50 square miles are used..

8,000,000 pairs of ice skates -- Will split up

12 million sleds

50,000 igloos

1 million Eskimo child brides

5,000,000 curling brooms

Too many hockey teams to count

Celine Dion, Keanu Reeves and William Shatner

20 million humans (French sold separately)
  • Topic Stats
  • Top Replies
  • Link to this Topic
Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 933 • Replies: 4
No top replies

 
ConstantlyQuestioning
 
  1  
Reply Thu 1 Apr, 2004 03:00 pm
Quote:
"Of course we're European," Martin said. "Just look how we consistently condemn America and then apologize quickly afterwards so we benefit from our close friendship and strong economic ties. If that's not European, I don't know what the hell is."



Laughing Laughing Laughing
0 Replies
 
Foxfyre
 
  1  
Reply Thu 1 Apr, 2004 03:04 pm
Okay I always wanted an igloo. Where do I submit my bid?
0 Replies
 
Centroles
 
  1  
Reply Thu 1 Apr, 2004 03:26 pm
On behalf of Canadians everywhere, I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry.I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron, but it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all, it's not like you actually elected him.

I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own. It would be like if, well, say you have 10 times the television audience we did and you flood our market with great shows, cheaper than we could produce. I know you would never do that.

I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defense I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours. As a way of our apology, please accept all of our Canadian NHL teams, which one by one are going out of business and moving to your fine country.

I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you want to have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different: Everyone knew he had weapons.

I'm sorry we burnt down your White-House during the war of 1812. I see you've rebuilt it! It's very nice.

I'm sorry for Alen Thick, Shania Twain, Celen Dion, Lover Boy, the song from Sherif that ends with the high pitched end note, your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer, but we feel your pain.

And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way, which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this, because, we've seen what you do to countries with whom you get upset with. For 22 Minutes, I'm Anthony St.Joseph, I'm Canadian. And I'm sorry.

from...


http://boards.ign.com/The_Vestibule/b5296/55583417/?206
0 Replies
 
McGentrix
 
  1  
Reply Thu 1 Apr, 2004 03:29 pm
Centroles wrote:
On behalf of Canadians everywhere, I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry.I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron, but it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all, it's not like you actually elected him.

I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own. It would be like if, well, say you have 10 times the television audience we did and you flood our market with great shows, cheaper than we could produce. I know you would never do that.

I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defense I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours. As a way of our apology, please accept all of our Canadian NHL teams, which one by one are going out of business and moving to your fine country.

I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you want to have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different: Everyone knew he had weapons.

I'm sorry we burnt down your White-House during the war of 1812. I see you've rebuilt it! It's very nice.

I'm sorry for Alen Thick, Shania Twain, Celen Dion, Lover Boy, the song from Sherif that ends with the high pitched end note, your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer, but we feel your pain.

And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way, which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this, because, we've seen what you do to countries with whom you get upset with. For 22 Minutes, I'm Anthony St.Joseph, I'm Canadian. And I'm sorry.

from...


http://boards.ign.com/The_Vestibule/b5296/55583417/?206


Laughing Laughing Razz
0 Replies
 
 

Related Topics

Obama '08? - Discussion by sozobe
Let's get rid of the Electoral College - Discussion by Robert Gentel
McCain's VP: - Discussion by Cycloptichorn
McCain is blowing his election chances. - Discussion by McGentrix
Food Stamp Turkeys - Discussion by H2O MAN
The 2008 Democrat Convention - Discussion by Lash
Snowdon is a dummy - Discussion by cicerone imposter
GAFFNEY: Whose side is Obama on? - Discussion by gungasnake
 
  1. Forums
  2. » Canada announces going out of business sale.
Copyright © 2019 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.03 seconds on 05/22/2019 at 10:39:56