LAMBETH Palace moved quickly last night to quash rumours that the Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr Rowan Williams is an owl after it was reported that he coughed up a pellet containing mouse bones onto the Queen's shoe.
The incident is said to have taken place at a banquet following the state opening of Parliament. The Archbishop was talking to the Queen, but then seemed to get distracted.
"I saw him jerk his head a few times," said one horrified onlooker. "Then he rolled his eyes right up into his head and coughed up this disgusting, brown furry thing the size of a grapefruit," he continued.
A spokesman for the General Synod admitted that Dr Williams had coughed up a foreign object onto the Queen's foot, but denied that it contained mouse bones. When asked if it contained the bones of a shrew or vole, he refused to comment further.
We don't have to contribute for some phony gift, do we?