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Statement of Purpose - UT Austin Transfer Essay

 
 
Wolfenstein
 
  1  
Reply Tue 26 Feb, 2013 04:03 am
@Wolfenstein,
*, not generic statements such as:
"Student organizations such as the Texas Economic Association and UT-Austin’s chapter of Omicron Delta Epsilon are also of great interest to me because of the social network I will develop with like-minded individuals."
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Tue 26 Feb, 2013 06:03 am
@joed94,
joed94 wrote:

Of course I consider your critique, I guess I'm just defending what I believe to be the purpose of the essay.

Point taken. However, if you are outright asking for critiques, isn't the point not to be defensive? Also is the exact purpose of this essay (beyond the fact you want to transfer to UT) written in stone, see below...

If I were to alter the second paragraph, I would forfeit the entire composition of the essay (which in this case is the concept of change).

Rather than the concept of change, why not try the evolution/growth in your life? How about the concept of transition? One does not have to show they started off furious and arrogant to show growth toward adulthood and maturity, and the acceptance of life's circumstances, with the end result of personal improvement. Instead of saying you were furious, how about indicating you were temporarily thrown by the curve ball life threw at you? Hey, forgive this lousy metaphor, I just woke up and am my first cup. Smile

Do I regret making the choices I made? Of course. I graduated high school as a summa cum laude and ended up in a junior college because of the poor choices I made. Now I'm trying to set things right by transfering to UT.

That's it! Tell how because of, perhaps short timing, you made some poor choices. Now, during the subsequent years, you've had time to carefully consider you next steps, and UT is your choice.


I'm not trying to push your critique away, in fact you're the most involved out of everybody who's looked at my essay. Might I ask if you're student? And if so what school are you attending? I really would like to know because like you said not everybody's going to look at my paper the same way.

I was a student in a long ago time in a land far far away (that's a joke, coffee's kicking in.)
The reason I know not everyone is going to look at your paper the same way? Because I was a student, now I'm of the age and place in life of those who will be reading it. Not your fellow students, but your profs, administration, etc.
I've know over the years several professors, including UT. You're lucky you get an automatic transfer (that's what you said, isn't it) hopefully without losing any of your credits, since UT can pick and choose what it will accept. Do you want to stand above the crowd and get their attention, or be among the majority that can be deleted with the click of a mouse? Writing your essay is more an exercise in creative writing than just giving the story you were a kid, and are now growing up.

BTW, there's nothing wrong with junior college. Don't make the point that was a poor choice. Perhaps state you chose to go that route while figuring about your next step in your road to success.


Perhaps I'm not ready for UT because I apparently can't even write a proper statement of purpose (not trying to be sarcastic). Do you agree?

I can imagine a professor reading this sentence above and saying "You're right, go try somewhere else" You might say to me that you wouldn't say that to a prof. I'm saying you might be better served not talking about being a mad high school student forced to move. You have the opportunity to revise, rewrite and put the most positive productive spin on your essay, and look better than many others.
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Tue 26 Feb, 2013 06:05 am
I haven't read your refurbished essay. I'll read it later when I get a chance.
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Tue 26 Feb, 2013 07:10 am
@joed94,
I will bow to Wolfenstein's comments, but for myself, WOW, your revision sounds a lot better. I actually found myself engaged, especially in the 2nd paragraph, in what you were saying.

How about saying you not only accept change, but welcome/embrace it?

Economics involves constant change, might as well enjoy it.

I like that you left out asking the leading question about "everyone looks forward to their senior year in high school, right?"
I don't like leading questions.

It would make it more personal to put in your own experiences, history, just need to put a positive spin on it. forging ahead and all that.
0 Replies
 
cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Tue 26 Feb, 2013 11:55 am
@Wolfenstein,
I like your analysis of joed's application letter; somewhat the response I had after reading it the second time. He needs to tell his personal story of how UOT will challenge his education and knowledge based on what he expects to get out it. He seems "to know" all the answers - which can't be true. Nobody going into any special skill area understands what courses will be required to graduate. All his statements are surface stuff that seems too artificial.

Economics is an art, not science. That's the reason why economists differ in their perception and interpretation of how any act of congress or the federal reserve will affect our economy.

Nobody can predict how our economy will be one year from today.
joed94
 
  1  
Reply Tue 26 Feb, 2013 12:09 pm
@cicerone imposter,
Technically economics is considered a science. It's the social science that studies the allocation of resources for the satisfaction of insatiable human wants.

And yes, economist can predict the state of an economy a year from today, but that doesn't necessarily mean their predictions always go according to plan (i.e. changes in aggregate supply and aggregate in demand).

I think I do have a general grasp of what courses I'm required to take in order to graduate. See here:
http://www.utexas.edu/cola/academic-affairs/_files/pdf/12-14-Catalog-Advising-Aids/12-14%20Economics.pdf

In terms of your actual critique (first paragraph), I will make my third paragraph less artifical by elaborating on what I expect instead of what I know.
cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Tue 26 Feb, 2013 12:44 pm
@joed94,
Actually, economics incorporates science, but the conclusions drawn is an art.
That's because no matter how many mathematical formulas one can use to analyze any aspect of economics, there are just too many variables which are always in flux.

In economics, what's true today can change dramatically tomorrow. There is no way to forecast the future of economics. How does one apply science to this flux?

You wrote,
Quote:
And yes, economist can predict the state of an economy a year from today, but that doesn't necessarily mean their predictions always go according to plan (i.e. changes in aggregate supply and aggregate in demand).


True.

BTW, my degree in Business/Accounting is a BS (Bachelors of Science).
Mr. Green
joed94
 
  1  
Reply Tue 26 Feb, 2013 01:49 pm
@cicerone imposter,
I never heard anybody call economics an art, but ok, I see your logic. After all it is in the college of liberal arts.
cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Tue 26 Feb, 2013 02:08 pm
@joed94,
BTW, our son works at UOT. Mr. Green Great school.
0 Replies
 
 

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