Hi, Jeremiah, welcome back.
I seem to remember we have either spatted before or I insulted you some time ago.
Anyway, I'm on your side here.
I had an odd childhood in that for a while we had money and for longer while we did not, years and years of did not.
I got through school because way back then, tuition was free in my state and I worked a couple of jobs through it.
Once I got paychecks I was very happy. I didn't go wild, knew better than that, but did splurge. And sometime splurged more often.
I didn't have a good sense of saving, since in my family in my years there was nothing to save.
I think your wife has a problem going on re the shopping thing.
I remember back when boutique stores were first a thing, and that one afternoon, as I was exiting one, I understood that my fun was picking out stuff, and going to the pay counter was an advance, and leaving that counter was more or less all down hill. Of course I liked some purchases, but in the reality of the buying, it was all about picking something out and taking it to the counter, a kind of small joy.
I don't know how to help your wife as all this is complicated.
I hope she can get some counselling.
Personally, I still like to shop - but my acquisitions are now minor. Focus can change - but it is a bit of a trip.