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Any of you guys have problem with a wife on a shopping spree?

 
 
Reply Mon 18 Feb, 2013 02:45 pm
I don’t mind if she goes shopping for the necessary things such as groceries and cleaning supplies. But every weekend she shops for clothes and shoes for her and her two daughters for about $1,500 - $2,0000 a month!
Even though she works and uses her own money to buy these things, it bugs the hell out of me that she buys new, material things and never throws the old, useless crap away! She shops either Saturday or Sunday (or both) and I dread the day we go to the mall - I just know it will be more junk and/or obstacles inside our house. Drunk
When I tried to talk to her about her addictive, compulsive shopping, spending and hoarding, she gets very, very angry with me and doesn’t talk to me for days!
Please help me. Crying or Very sad
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Type: Question • Score: 5 • Views: 1,850 • Replies: 11
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CoastalRat
 
  1  
Reply Tue 19 Feb, 2013 02:42 pm
@Jeremiah,
I think you need to talk her into counseling before you go broke. Of course, unless she can be reasoned with and sees that she has a problem, you might have a hard time getting her to counseling.

Do you go shopping with her? Do you try to stop her from spending the money in any way? (Look honey, don't you think the 50 pair of shoes you already have is enough?)

Jeremiah
 
  1  
Reply Tue 19 Feb, 2013 04:35 pm
@CoastalRat,
But that's the main problem! She thinks she's not doing anything wrong. Her reasoning is she's better off spending money on clothes/shoes than gambling the money away.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Tue 19 Feb, 2013 04:45 pm
@Jeremiah,
Hi, Jeremiah, welcome back.

I seem to remember we have either spatted before or I insulted you some time ago.

Anyway, I'm on your side here.

I had an odd childhood in that for a while we had money and for longer while we did not, years and years of did not.

I got through school because way back then, tuition was free in my state and I worked a couple of jobs through it.

Once I got paychecks I was very happy. I didn't go wild, knew better than that, but did splurge. And sometime splurged more often.
I didn't have a good sense of saving, since in my family in my years there was nothing to save.

I think your wife has a problem going on re the shopping thing.


I remember back when boutique stores were first a thing, and that one afternoon, as I was exiting one, I understood that my fun was picking out stuff, and going to the pay counter was an advance, and leaving that counter was more or less all down hill. Of course I liked some purchases, but in the reality of the buying, it was all about picking something out and taking it to the counter, a kind of small joy.

I don't know how to help your wife as all this is complicated.
I hope she can get some counselling.

Personally, I still like to shop - but my acquisitions are now minor. Focus can change - but it is a bit of a trip.

0 Replies
 
Jeremiah
 
  1  
Reply Tue 19 Feb, 2013 08:12 pm
I think my wife is beyond help. There is no way changing this woman. But thank you for the replies just the same. I just needed to vent my frustration. I may just go on living through this hell till the day I die...
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Tue 19 Feb, 2013 08:18 pm
@CoastalRat,
CoastalRat wrote:

I think you need to talk her into counseling before you go broke.




He said she uses her own money.
Ceili
 
  1  
Reply Tue 19 Feb, 2013 08:21 pm
@Jeremiah,
I'd ask why those are the only options...

Take her to a financial planner and let them explain why broke old hoaders eat cat food.
or get your wife to watch some of this lady's shows. http://www.gailvazoxlade.com/

Your wife needs help.
0 Replies
 
CoastalRat
 
  1  
Reply Wed 20 Feb, 2013 07:03 am
@chai2,
Quote:
CoastalRat wrote:


I think you need to talk her into counseling before you go broke.




He said she uses her own money.


True. He also said they were married. If she begins using credit cards or money put aside for shared household expenses, then he could also be liable. That is what I was referring to since it seemed obvious that they keep their money somewhat separate when he referred to the money as "hers" instead of "ours." But I see how you could think I missed that.

If it truly is her money AFTER her share of household expenses, then I would agree he cannot complain as much. But the behavior is troubling all the same and could lead to problems down the road.

chai2
 
  1  
Reply Wed 20 Feb, 2013 07:17 am
@CoastalRat,
In my house, my husband telling me what I should do with my money would definitly lead to problems, and not down the road.
0 Replies
 
aspvenom
 
  1  
Reply Wed 20 Feb, 2013 10:27 am
@Jeremiah,
You have three valid options in my opinion.
1) As long as it's not a joint account and you’ve kept the wealth separate, then let it run its own course. It may eve lead her to debt. Some people learn the hard way. There's a little you can do for them, especially if she is stubborn and unwilling to change. Addicts must reach their “bottom,” where their addiction no longer works for them.
2) Convince her to see a counselor to talk about her shopping/ previous gambling addiction and seek further treatment if necessary.
3) Divorce her.
0 Replies
 
Frank Apisa
 
  1  
Reply Wed 20 Feb, 2013 10:37 am
@Jeremiah,
Everyone seems to be on your side here, Jeremiah...so allow me to agree with your wife on one thing:

Quote:
Her reasoning is she's better off spending money on clothes/shoes than gambling the money away.


She is correct here. I think saving it makes more sense than "spending it on things" and/or "gambling it away"...but...

...spending it on "things" just sounds to me to make more sense than gambling it away.

aspvenom
 
  1  
Reply Wed 20 Feb, 2013 10:42 am
@Frank Apisa,
I can imagine his wife being on the show called hoarders. Very Happy
http://dressedtoat.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/hoarding.png
0 Replies
 
 

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