raped or not?

That's why I'm on here.. Need different advice
Because nothings worked last 2 years,been getting worse and worse
Been trying childline.. Everything
Because aswell as that, so much more has happened,had a really difficult life,and it piles up.. And ahh.. Just need some serious help.. Someone professional I can talk to,without parents knowing,someone who actually cares.. No pretending? And most of all someone who understands my pain,fears and feelings

It doesn't even matter that she said no, as she was underage.

Sarah, Berty is right that you need to tell someone. We are sympathetic but we are not there.

Not really,no..
And I know,thanks ever so much

She's only a year older than me,and yes exactly..
No, I live in england,born,raised england..
My parents culture background is pakistani..
I'm a british citezen..

I'm mixed on Sarah having to tell someone; yes, if a professional, but depending on her community's culture, doing so with some "trusted" adult could possibly be dangerous. I am very sympathetic to her situation and don't quite know what to say, partly from not knowing enough about the local mores.


Edit, Sarah, we cross posted. Thanks for telling us that.

may i ask why you can't tell your mum? is it because you are scared of how she might react? or do you already KNOW she will react badly? please think about this question very carefully. if you are scared of how she MIGHT react, you may be surprised. your mum loves you, she brought you into the world, carried you in her belly for almost a year, and went through a lot of pain giving birth. sure you may be a royal pain in the backside sometimes..all sons and daughters are, but don't be scared to tell her because she MIGHT be angry. unless you know something we don't.
please try to find the courage. it's not right that you suffer for someone elses aggression.

you are in uk?

then tell a teacher, or go to the police if you are worried how your parents will react. english law is english law, no matter your ethnicity, or culture. you have rights, and he broke the law, plain and simple.

and whether you said yes or no is irrelevant. you were under 16. that's statutory rape.

How about seeing a doctor in the british health system? I am not very familiar with it, so I don't know how easy or hard that would be to do. How about a respected/trusted teacher? (or do you go to a religious school?)

it would be easy. seeing a doc is free on the nhs, and they are sworn to patient/doctor confidentiality.

i'm glad you mentioned that oss, a doctor completely passed me by. VERY good advice.

a doctor would also be better qualified to help you emotionally too

Be careful what you advice Berty. She said she is a Pakistani, so likely her family are practicing Muslims, and have a backward cultural attitude to such a subject matter. Islamic culture and courts often punish rape victims, and treat them as adulteress. Under Islamic law, rape can only be proven if the rapist confesses or if there are four male witnesses. Women who allege rape, without the benefit of the act having been witnessed by four men who subsequently develop a conscience, are actually confessing to having sex. If they or the accused happens to be married, then it is considered to be adultery. If not married, telling this experience to her family members will likely affect her marriage prospects, or may face other worse consequences, such as exiled from her family. It'd be more helpful in my opinion for her to seek a neutral counselor with western background and cultural tendencies, not rooted deeply in the Quaran's teachings.

she is in uk and can speak to a gp in confidence. she doesn't even need to tell her family...yet.

i was very careful how i worded that advice, but that was before knowing she was UK based. that changes everything.

As an aside, have any of you read the book Brick Lane by Monica Ali? It involves a couple moving to London from Bangladesh and how their lives went in London in the meeting of different cultures. I know they are different homelands, but I think some cultural aspects of the retention of the homeland mores are similar.

I am guessing it's not a favorite book for the people who would be uncomfortable with the british take on rights of women. (I'm generalizing re the British).

Sarah, do you go to a state school (a comprehensive) in the UK?

Please call CHILDLINE again - 0800 1111

http://www.childline.org.uk/Pages/Home.aspx


you can also talk with them online

http://www.childline.org.uk/Talk/Chat/Pages/OnlineChat.aspx

Is ChildLine confidential?

Confidentiality means not telling anyone else about what you’ve said. We always want to keep calls to ChildLine confidential, which means you can feel safe talking to us, knowing that no one else will find out.

If you tell us something that makes us very worried about your safety or makes us think that your life, or the life of someone else is in danger, we will talk to you about whether other people need to know. ChildLine will only take action in an emergency.



If you go to a state school in our country, you have a safeguarding teacher (child protection officer) - however, they will act according to the law of the land and if they believe you are at risk, they will have to inform the necessary authorities via the education system.

Childline will talk with you. It doesn't matter how many times you call them...

Your GP can help too but I understand you may have to book this with your parents so I realise that may be difficult to do.

Please don't put information on this or any website about where you are or what school you attend.

There are people you can talk with confidentially. Please do talk to someone. Your life is precious, please talk to someone as soon as possible.

I KNOW she will react bad..
Like I said I'm muslim..
Sex before marriage if forbidden
They look down upon divorced women,women that aren't virgin.. They have no value to men, everyone looks down upon them.. It is so bad
My mum finds out, she's going to be so hurt, she don't deserve that.. I can't do that for her..
Like its so bad
Its going effect me for life
Mum won't look at me the same again, its so shameful,even if its rape

Told a teacher.. Said they'd fix me a private counsellor..
That's it,nothing else happened,they didn't follow through and they don't care.. And yes I'm in the uk

Omg.. Exactly how it is!

Yes,
Thank you so much!
Thank you ALL so much.. Means so much too me..

No I haven't read it,and yes culture is VERY similar..

i really feel so sorry for you. if you can arrange to see a doc without your parents, try that.
it's a shame your religion can't differentiate between a forced act, and a willing act. it shouldn't be like that.
if it wasn't for your religion i'd say not to worry about hurting your mum, as YOU are the most important person in this, but i guess, as crap as it is, that's how things are.
but you musn't do anything stupid. things will get easier, but it will take time. if you can speak to a doc that will certainly help.
i really hope you can get this sorted out. my thoughts are with you, and i'll keep checking this thread.
i know it's a cliche, but be strong