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Sun 14 Mar, 2004 10:49 am
More family trouble brewing...
My Godchild is graduating from high school in a few months. He and his mother live in Dallas and many family members from all over, Louisiana, Georgia, even his Godfather in Illinois, have plans to attend.
The graduation is on a Friday. His mother wants to give him a party, of course, with family coming and all but she leaves for a cruise on Saturday, the following day, so she's decided to have his party the weekend before, to accommodate her plans, but this has caused a dilemma for people coming in from out of town. Do we attend the graduation, the party a week earlier, both or nothing?
His mother seems to expect guests to stay in Dallas all week to attend both the party on Saturday and the graduation on the following Friday. That doesn't fit into my schedule at all and it doesn't work for many other people she's invited. I've decided to let my Godson decide whether he wants me to attend the party or the graduation, that's how I'll handle that, but don't you think that his mother could have put off her cruise for her only childs' big weekend with family? When I asked if she was aware of his graduation date when she planned this cruise, she very huffily said yes. I told her that that was some very poor planning and left it at that but I can just feel the funkiness brewing on the horizon when RSVP time comes around.
Out of curiosity, what do you think? Was she off-the-mark planning a cruise at the same time of his graduation or am I making too big a deal out of this? I refuse to be stuck in Dallas, or anywhere, for a whole week to accomodate poor and selfish planning. Or am I the one being selfish?
I certainly wouldn't have set up that schedule. If nothing else, vanishing on a cruise with a rip-roaring, wet-behind-the-ears high school graduate left all alone-o, provides potential for disaster.
Stay-A-Week sounds quite high handed. I admire your tact in asking your godson when your presence would be most meaningful--after all, this is His Moment (or Week of Moments).
If The Mother of The Graduate is a type to Take Umbrage, she's certainly provided herself with glorious opportunities.
Ha!
Indeed. ("Glorious opportunities.")
Yeah, it's funky planning. I mean, somewhat borderline, but... :-? I think you've already handled it nicely (has godson responded?) and not much more that you can do. Her tempest, she can do clean-up.
Well, Noddy, his grandmother lives with them so he won't be tearing up the town too much while his mother is gone. You've kinda thrown me on your comment about taking umbrage. Not quite sure what you mean.
I haven't aked him yet, Soz, which event I should plan to attend. I had him on the phone yesterday but his grandmother picked up the extention and I never got a chance to ask him anything.
His mother, God love her, will turn this thing around and it won't be her poor planning that prevents people from attending. It'll be because they are cheap or jealous or just plain uncooperative. I kinow her like a book.
Eoe--
"Umbrage" is a wonderful word--slightly out of fashion, but it deserves a comeback.
Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary
Main Entry: um·brage
Pronunciation: '&m-brij
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French, from Latin umbraticum, neuter of umbraticus of shade, from umbratus, past participle of umbrare to shade, from umbra shade, shadow; akin to Lithuanian unksme shadow
1 : SHADE, SHADOW
2 : shady branches : FOLIAGE
3 a : an indistinct indication : vague suggestion : HINT b : a reason for doubt : SUSPICION
4 : a feeling of pique or resentment at some often fancied slight or insult <took umbrage at the speaker's remarks>
synonym see OFFENSE
"Offense" is a wishy-washy synonym. "Umbrage" incorporates suspicion and paranoia and all the other mirky, muddled parts of a resentful mind.
As you describe your godson's mother, she'll be lurking for the rest of the summer (with bushel baskets) gathering umbrage like a Korean dictator.
Gotcha.
Oh yeah, she'll have ample opportunity to take umbrage and unfortunately, not only she but her mother and sisters will too. It has all of the makings of a big ugly mess. My family, like most families, are very messy and always on the lookout for a fallout. Last year, it was a wedding that some members attended but others didn't because it was on Friday, Feb. 14. There are still sore spots over that.
eoe, after you've talked to your godson about which event he'd like you to attend, maybe you can buy his mom a calendar - with a few significant days already entered.
If she's already going to be huffy, might as well let her enjoy it.
I'll letcha in on a little secret. I inadvertently set myself up as a bit of a curmudgeon about stuff like this - told some people I don't go to weddings unless I care if the couple is gonna make it - and I tend to only go to the wedding if I do go - I consider receptions a real waste of my time. As a result, people are so happy if I accept any part of an invitation that they don't bother fussing about anything else. Same thing for bar mitzvahs, graduations - I might go to the 'ceremony' - but yer pushing it for me to go to anything else.
and she was downright silly to plan her cruise on top of his grad. That was very inconsiderate of her - toward her son.
That's what I thought, ehBeth. It was inconsiderate to her son, if no one else.
Aren't you lucky, living out of town. Out of towners can be spectators, not players.
Ain't THAT the truth. But sometimes you can get pulled into mess whether you're in town or not. The only way to avoid it is to avoid them and that's not always easy, as anybody with family will know.
Thoughtful mother. Why the heck did she plan a cruise the day after her son was graduating? I would go when it was convenient for you. Perhaps you and other family members that cannot be there the week before could plan an additional graduation party for him after his graduation. Or take him out for a special dinner/lunch or other gathering.
I agree with you that his mother is very selfish. You only graduate from high school once, it should have been her top priority, not a cruise she could take any week. I had one uncle who did not attend my wedding because he always goes away each year with his friends on this particular weekend. I could understand it if I got married each year on this particular weekend - some people really do not have their priorities straight.
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