Here I Stand With Foot in Mouth *

I have this hugest one in history, keep your mouth shut if this happens.

Once a father was changing his baby, he was a kinda friend of mine..
So as you do, I was kinda looking the other direction as best I could, whilst conversing.
Y'know looking at my shoes and the wallpaper etc..

Anyway he said..

Something like..
"The worlds strange is'nt it?... How could anyone fancy that!"

Anyway, there were a few people there and the conversation turned all over the place and because I had done too many drugs, something was said, and I said
"maybe your right, perhaps I am inferior"

I said it because I was in a downer, depressed already.. It had been a very bad night.

.. No-one could relate it to the other things that were said, about lowlife in general or whatever.. But my actual memory does not hold the exact sentences, it is left as though I suddenly turned the world in, on myself, in a drug fueled mental large downer, y'know when suddenly everyone looks like they hate you, because the night has been awful?. Well at those times, we say and mean the most self persecuting things and the weight of situation is not in us, as it is for everyone else. Relative to the current discussion I mean.

And of course, that was me for the night.. on my way home ASAP!
As soon as I realized the look they had was probably to do with that.

I doubt you will top that, but I nearly topped myself. Again.

I have the supernatural (read as superunhealthy) talent to forget some of the worst superawkward things I've said to other people. If I can conjure up a social nightmare or two, I'll reserve a future post for that retelling.

BTW: your first example isn't such a terrible mistake. Teenagers have a pass on these things as they don't know everything (contrary to teenage mantra/dogma).

If your curious.. The thought I had about the baby being changed was "I hope he gets that over with".. just to make clear.

Also check out this other one.. A reason why you should separate your family photos and not show off your naked babies.

I was in this old friends house, at his request... Anyway he wanted to show me how well he had done or some such stuff... So I listened and he showed me his album on the PC, there was his son in the bath.
I have been taught to say, 'I can do without seeing that' in the sense that I do not require it in my life...

Anyway his little girl then wanders up with her finger up her coochie and pushes onto my leg...

Again I looked like the peedo!

So I left ASAP!


To you all this might seem the odd attitude, but if you have never been around kids, it really is quite worrisome. What? You complain if I do not dumb that down 'coochie' well 'vagina' then.

Cleared up.
Now fark you, because you never fix this **** you silent farks!

Hi DavJohanis,

Being under the influence, your first example, always dangerous re actions and speech. No DUI, No TUI.

Your second example, unfortunate timing, BIG TIME. Definitely wince worthy.

Hi tsarstepan,

Selective amnesia can be protective amnesia. You're right about cutting our teen-age selves some slack. As I get older, I'm slower shooting from the lip. But then there was the senior moment while talking to a friend's second husband and repeatedly using her ex's name.

Thank you, back when I was more than a central cortex on legs with ass between, I would have appreciated that.

I am guilty of many foot in mouth episodes, but one stands out.

When I still drove a truck over the road, there was one truckstop in Oklahoma I always stopped at.
I was in there one day when one of the waitresses walked in.
Since it was her day off she wasn't in uniform, and I, without thinking said..."damn, I didn't recognize you with clothes on".

Her boyfriend didn't see the humor.

Why do you assume people lie?
Is it because they click down accounts and not posts?
Yes 'we know nothing works fine on you'

Even your kind and yes you irritate even after you become the bat in your avatar.

Know what you know and leave things be.. Is that your wince now?

Or are you going to have a whinge?

Have a wild guess!
I do not need to tell six people why!

Hi mysteryman,
(Does your name honor favorite lit. genre?)
I think we've all experienced seeing someone we know in unfamiliar clothing, or places. Disorienting, brain freeze. Hope nothing serious resulted with humorless boyfriend.

I have so many foot-in-mouth moments that I just roll my eyes at myself and move on.

A coworker once asked me what size shoes I wore. I replied, "9. why?" She informed me that I have a size 18 mouth because both feet fit just fine.

Hi JPB,

LOL Very funny!! Glad I wasn"t drinking coffee when I read:
".....size 9 foot.....size 18 mouth...

As Groucho said,"I resemble that remark."