Dependent Child / Dependent Parent

Cobalt-

I am

sure that we have a lot to share. My mom is 93, and I have been her "mother" since my dad died, when she was 65. I am looking

forward to some valuable interactions with you around this subject!

Cobalt,

I am of the sandwich generation. We have to save for our kids education, help our parents with how in the world they're going to live and save for ourselves so our children won't be in this position when we're old. It's difficult, hard work and expensive.

What do you mean in terms of generation?

My parents saved nothing for my college education, contributed a tiny little bit, (less than the legal requirement to claim me as a dependant on their taxes, though they did) and haven't saved for their retirement. They are also not very healthy, and I worry very often about the future. They have assured me they don't see me as their retirement fund, but I'd like to see an actual retirement fund.

They're in their late 50's.

I am in the same position, Sozobe. My mother is now 90 (my father having died many years ago) and they also didn't save for college, nor pay for any private prep school all my life, and didn't even think about retirement. But I have done those things for my kids, plus saved for my own retirement (while paying for prep school and college) and support my mother entirely, complete with a room in my home and a 24 hour a day live in attendant. I wonder if our children will be like our parents.

Well I'm not a sandwich generation, heck really I'm on the tail-end of the Boomers, haven't decided if that's a good thing or a bad thing yet.
I see two different divisions (psych\social) & (financial) in this topic. Both are roles very dynamic. And your perspective is going to vary depending on
how you are participating in each role. Trying to manage these tasks can vary from a gental stroll to attempting a climb on Mt. Everest.

Lola - I think part of what you are getting at is about a cultural\social attitudes that vary greatly depending on your ethnic up-bringing.

New to the site
I'm not sure if this board is still active but I've been mothering my mother for a few years now. I am 20 and she is in her late 40s. Though she was once chronically ill, she is no longer ill but seems to still want to depend on me emotionally and financially. I want her to become more independent but for every step she seems to take toward financial or emotional independence there seems to follow two steps back. I would love some advice from people in a similar situation.

Ouch! Midnight, I will be back later to think about this one.

Hi midnight, and welcome.

I have been in that position with both of my parents, though to a lesser degree -- I was not taking care of them financially, but there was a great deal of emotional caretaking. I had to really lay down the law to extract myself. It was not easy, and the relationship(s) still have scars, but it did work in the long run.

Good news on the mother front
Mom is finally leaving for home and getting a job! I started hinting that time was running out and she pulled her stuff together and is leaving today!