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Could you make a comment on the letter and chekc it?

 
 
ziawj2
 
Reply Mon 22 Oct, 2012 09:54 pm
I need to write to a new friend. I think the style is a bit formal if it is written to a new one. Could you make a comment on the letter in terms of language style? If possible, could you help me check it? Thank you!

Dear Daniel,

It was wonderful of you to offer to help me deal with this project. Your proposal does help a lot, and I think there are some more details for us to meet and discuss it further more.
I can make myself available for our meeting at any time before Oct. 25 for the reason that I will be on training in Beijing for half a month from Oct. 26; or we can make it after Nov. 10 since I will be back then. Just tell me when will be convenient for you and I can make the arrangement. I suggest we meet at the café beside the campus for that it is casual and comfortable there to discuss the details. What’s more, I can bring the necessary files to you at the same time. What do you think then?
It is very nice of you to offer me the help and I hope that someday I can do something for you as repayment for your kindness.


Yours
Sincerely,
Harry
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JTT
 
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Reply Tue 23 Oct, 2012 06:05 am
@ziawj2,
Dear Daniel,

It was wonderful of you to offer to help me deal with this project. Your proposal does help a lot, and I think there are some more details I'd like to discuss/we should go over/we should look at/[other possibilities]

[for us to meet and discuss it further more.]

I can make myself available for [our] a meeting at any time before Oct. 25. After that [for the reason that] I will be [on] in training in Beijing for half a month from Oct. 26;

'our' sounds presumptuous

or we can make it after Nov. 10 since I will be back then. Just tell me when it would [will] be convenient for you and I can make the arrangements.

I suggest we meet at the [café] cafe English doesn't have accent marks. beside the campus for [that] it is casual and comfortable there. [to discuss the details]



What’s more, I can bring the necessary files to you at the same time. What do you think then?
It is very nice of you to offer me the help and I hope that someday I can do something for you as repayment for your kindness.
ziawj2
 
  1  
Reply Tue 23 Oct, 2012 08:13 am
@JTT,
Thank you very much for your proofreading. And do you think is it a little formal because it is writter to a friend even though a new friend? For example, 'available', 'anytime before . . . ', 'convenient', 'make the arrangements' ?
Thank you again and looking forward to your reply.
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