Speakin of crybabies...

Forums: Parenting And Childcare
Email this Topic • Print this Page

How to make this painfully long story short...

I have three "serenelets" hehe. My first at 16, middle at 18, and last at 25. The oldest one has a father that's totally out of the picture.. his choice. I was on my own at 16, so you can imagine the way she was raised. But she was my rock. We went through hell and back together. She's a good kid, or so I think (probably bias). The middle one- I'll be honest, I'm among friends :wink: I was irresponsible, she was a result of a one night stand. Her father didn't come into the picture til the paternity tests were brought to him, she was nine months old. He was very good to her after that,.. for a couple months until he went to prison for three years (nice taste I have eh?) anyway, in those three years, I did alot of growing up. When he got out, we got to know each other Rolling Eyes

and decided to try to start a relationship. Better late than never. Now, two years later we have a 7 month old daughter. She is SPOILED ROTTEN... not because I meant to, she's just so cute, and she has these big eyes, and she crawls wherever I go and.... well, you get the picture. Well, her father in the recent past, has told me that I coddle her too much, and I should put her in her crib to let her cry. I can't STAND it. I can't stand to hear her cry. I don't know if maybe I am trying to overcompensate for the other two or what. He swears that she understands discipline at such a young age. He claims that is what's wrong with the middle one. (Which of course had NOTHING to do with the fact that her father was incarcerated and had no father figure... and somehow .. it's still ALL my fault) That I wasn't firm enough with her. You can ask ANYONE ... they are both very well behaved ... when not around me. But I'm gettin off the subject...

My question is:
or questions are:

When should discipline begin?
Can you "spoil" a child so early in life?
What is the PROPER discipline for very young children, if there is any?

I learned alot from Onyx's post about the crybaby.. I'm gonna use those tactics with the middle one.. so thanks for everyone who replied!

Topic Stats
Top Replies
Link to this Topic

Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 1,402 • Replies: 10

No top replies

No, you can't spoil a baby that young by responding to her cries. That's how she communicates.

I have found William Sears extremely helpful with this stuff, but I think his parenting advice would NOT go over well with your husband. Sorry to be blunt, but is he out of the picture or not?

Here is the website:

www.askdrsears.com

You saw what I said on the other thread, consistency is key, and now that things are already a bit haywire, there won't be one magical cure -- you have to pick a method, and then stick to it. The "cry it out" method has been rather thoroughly debunked -- it can cause dehydration and all sorts of bad things, as well as simply not working. I have a friend who has a daughter about the same age as mine, and when the kids were babies we talked about bedtimes, she had her kid cry it out, I was horrified, but whatever, this all worked fine UNTIL the kid got out of the crib. Once she wasn't forced to stay in bed all night, things went haywire. Non-stop power struggles.

Anyway, lots of good practical advice on the Sears site, if you'd like I can get the specifics although it's pretty easy to navigate.

Again, even if that isn't the way you want to go, decide which method(s) you DO want to use, then stick with it. Consistency, as long as your methods are not downright abusive, is the most important aspect.

Good luck!

0 Replies

Thanks alot soze!!! I bookmarked like ten pages, then just erased them and set their main page in my favorites Smile

Lots of good advice!

0 Replies

Oh, glad that was helpful! I got a passel o' parenting books when I was pregnant, that's the one I went back to again and again (and again...)

0 Replies

soserene--

If you ignore a baby and leave her crying all alone, you are teaching her that she lives in a world where no body cares. She's crying because she needs you.

Could her father be jealous of the attention she's getting? Is he annoyed because she disrupts romantic moments? How was her father raised?

You two have a lot of talking to do--I'd be very surprised if your daughter isn't taking flak that properly belongs elsewhere.

Good luck.

0 Replies

Not jealous of MY attention
No romance to be disrupted... lol
He was an abused child... go figure.
Strange relationship we have... we live together out of convenience. Neither of us can afford this house alone, and neither can afford to move. So we have our separate rooms and separate schedules. He says that I am making it impossible for the child to be left with ANYONE cause she is so spoiled.
Trying to be open minded.. I tried the crying it out method for two days. It just didn't feel right, so I posted here. After reading the info soze gave, which is the same advice Noddy gave, I axed that idea immediately.
I tried to explain to him that I CAN'T .... he told me I was just weak willed and had low tolerance.... but turns out it's biological for mothers... so he can shove it.

0 Replies

soserene--

Have you considered another roommate? Your present one is not daughter-friendly.

0 Replies

This is a recent transgression... over the last week.. I'm saving as we speak. Thanks for your concern Smile

0 Replies

Men--particularly semi-insolvent men (or any men with status problems) tend to become World Authorities on subjects they know very little about. I'm glad that you're not following the strictures of the self-elected Father of the Year. Kids come first. Keep saving.

0 Replies

"Men--particularly semi-insolvent men (or any men with status problems) tend to become World Authorities on subjects they know very little about."

Very insightful, Noddy. Yes, I've noticed that sort of behavior many times over. Just never could put it into words.

0 Replies

Thanks for the encouragement Noddy Smile

0 Replies

Speakin of crybabies...

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know