abusive teacher

Hi. My sincerest sympathies for what you and your son are going through.

I, too, had abusive teachers, IMO, at a private school. I am now 43, and it has taken years to get over the emotional suffering. When I went to public schools, I had no problem with the staff and graduated a year early, so, really, the problem was with a few teachers at that particular private school. My parents refused to take my side, which was the worst part of it. Bravo to you for standing by your son!

I would file assault and battery charges against the teacher with the local police.

Even if you lose, you would have gotten her attention, the attention of the school, the attention of the other parents who may finally come forward, made the teacher's life a living hell, and your son will forever cherish and be comforted by the fact that you stood by him.

She should not have laid one finger on him.

With all that those few teachers did do to me, none of them ever touched me.

She crossed the line when she did that, and I'll bet she's a borderline personality type. I'll bet she'll show her true ugly colors and buckle under the pressure of the policemen's questioning and the resulting scandal.

You, on the other hand, must maintain complete composure during this for good effect.

You know, when I was going through basic training, (91), our DI was telling us "And you may hear rumors about me. You may hear that I picked a kid up and threw him across the room. What I did was. . " Basically, it was a big CYA for him with us.

This sounds a lot like it.

Fact is, she shouldn't have pulled your son's head in that direction. Shouldn't have touched him, IMO. Obviously, she has a hard time dealing with kids, and shouldn't be in that program.

I'm hesitant about getting the police involved, however. We have done this in the past, and it ended up being my son the one persecuted, not the troublemaker, In his case, it was another student on the bus. Didn't wake nobody up to nothing. Hopefully it will go better for you than it did for us.

I might go the attorney route myself and sue the hell out of them. I think you'll get better attention to the story this way, and I think the school district will take more notice of it.

What the hell. . . just do both. Civil and criminal.

But I would contact someone, an attorney, and see what your options are. There is probably an attorney in your area who can deal with a school issue like this.

Good luck. Let us know what happens.

Get a Laywer, you could take them for all they got!

And no one should EVER and I mean EVER treat a child that way!

There are several things you can do. But, the most important thing is to remember that this is about what is best for your son. In these types of situations, it is sometimes easy to get caught in the battle, or with personal emotions.

If you go in saying "This is a bad teacher who needs to be disciplined" you are going to put both principal and teacher on the defensive. The principal will need to choose between defending her employee and helping you (this is a difficult position to be in).

If you go in saying "I want what is best for my son, and he things are happening in this class that concern me", no one will disagree with this. Then you can present your concerns and tell them what you want them to do about it.

You also need to be very clear about what you want/need. It sounds like you want your son taken out of this class (and this sounds justified). If this is the case, then you have a lot of leverage if you simply make this clear. Just say "I feel this class is hurting my son and based on what has happened it will be difficult for my son to stay here. Let's talk about how we can transfer him to another class".

This approach does not attack the teacher or the school, but it makes it clear in a firm way what you need.

If you want your son to stay in the class you can set up guidelines between teacher and student. Sometimes there are "contracts" between teachers and students. This outlines how teachers will react to behaviors of the students and often meets the needs of both. Based on what you said, it sounds like this is not appropriate now.

But, it is not good to get into a big fight with the school. This is certainly not the best thing for your son. If it is needed, of course, you do everything to protect your son. But, if possible, it is much much better to try to work with the principal.

As a parent, you have a lot of leverage. Be confident, be firm and stay focussed on what is best for your son. Principals are flawed like the rest of us, but most of them want to do what is best for their students. Explain this and you will go far.

But don't give in. The principals job is to resolve these problems, there are other things you can do (legal et. al) that neither you nor the principal want to go through, but make it clear that you insist that this problem be resolved.

In most cases you can persuade the administration to do what you need without having to go any further than this.

Best of Luck

Good advice from ebrown_p.

I wondered whether the option of transferring the child had been explored. It's ususally the first and easiest solution.

I assumed that was not possible, perhaps because the school was so small.

At my school, we only had, say, one history teacher for several grades.

What about homeschooling the child for those two subjects for this one year?

Is that an option?

Sometimes a paraeducator can be persuaded to monitor a class or sit by a difficult student to calm him or her and keep them focused.

That way the teacher would not have immediate access to the child without going through the "helper."

Could a sitter be hired to attend the class? Could a parent sit in the back for the duration of this class?

Stupid question, but if this teacher is that bad has anyone else complained about her?

As a parent, you have every right to sit in the class with your son. It is your child- they cant possibly tell you not to be there.
Even if the principal/ superintendent/ school board disciplines the teacher - they can not tell you - or anyone else about it. It is a private matter for the employee. I am sure that on some level we can all appreciate that. I am a teacher and there are teachers in my building that have been disciplined for not tucking their shirt in - on a teacher in service day ( no students in the building).
If you really want to see something done about the situation- call the local newspaper. They are usually very eager to write anything negative about a public school.

I would start with the advice from ebrown. As a parent who has been in many conflicts with my sons schools, I learned the hard way that the schools can do more harm to a family than good. I wish I had gone to see a lawyer before I decided to make some noise because there was no getting through to those people and by me (alone) pushing the issue, I ended up putting my son and myself in a worse situation. Be very careful in how you handle things. I would personally get advice from a lawyer.

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