How can I make it not obvious I'm a virgin?

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I'm 20 and still a virgin! I'm in college and all my friends aren't virgins so I'm just going to do it. I'm not expecting a relationship after, and honestly I would rather the guy not know I'm a virgin. I'm 5'1 and skinny, I say that because I heard depending on height and weight it could hurt a lot more and if it really hurts then the guy would think you're a virgin. Also I run a lot and I heard that could break the hymen. So do guys always know, and what are some things to throw guys off and not make them think I'm a virgin? I heard that there is no hiding it and he'll know because I don't know what to do and it will be obvious I'm in pain. if I say I only had sex a few times and it was like 3 months ago (or should I say longer?), would that give reason for me possibly bleeding from sex and being in pain? And maybe the 'other guy' I had sex with had a smaller penis so it was less painful?

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@allym42,

allym42 wrote:

I'm 20 and still a virgin! I'm in college and all my friends aren't virgins so I'm just going to do it. I'm not expecting a relationship after, and honestly I would rather the guy not know I'm a virgin. I'm 5'1 and skinny, I say that because I heard depending on height and weight it could hurt a lot more and if it really hurts then the guy would think you're a virgin. Also I run a lot and I heard that could break the hymen. So do guys always know, and what are some things to throw guys off and not make them think I'm a virgin? I heard that there is no hiding it and he'll know because I don't know what to do and it will be obvious I'm in pain. if I say I only had sex a few times and it was like 3 months ago (or should I say longer?), would that give reason for me possibly bleeding from sex and being in pain? And maybe the 'other guy' I had sex with had a smaller penis so it was less painful?

Well first of all. Why is it so important for you to not be a virgin? So what if your friends are not? Some of your friends might still wish that they were virgins. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin. Nothing wrong with waiting to have sex with a guy that you actually like rather than just to get it over with.

It is true, that a guy will know but once again, why are you so concerned about the guy knowing? Why the need to cover it up or lie about it? I know some guys don't want to take a girl's virginity. Which is another good reason to find someone who you like who knows that you are.

If you do this, then you don't need to lie, you don't need to cover anything and you get to tell people you lost your virginity with a guy you actually liked rather than you did it because all your friends weren't virgins, so why not just pick a random guy and get it over with.

There is nothing wrong with being a virgin. Find a guy that is alright with the fact that you are a virgin. Just my advice if it accounts for anything.

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@Krumple,

I can't find any good guys! I've never had a boyfriend. I don't know why, I think I'm pretty I just have a hard time talking to guys. So I feel like it's going to be a long time until I get a boyfriend that I would feel comfortable having sex with and telling I'm a virgin, because I'm in college and 95 percent of the guys just want one night stands and the other 5 percent have girlfriends. And I just don't want to be a virgin anymore, so really my only option is just some random guy because I don't want to be a virgin.

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@allym42,

allym42 wrote:

so really my only option is just some random guy because I don't want to be a virgin.

Why though? Why don't you want to be? What is so important about not being a virgin? On a side note, there really isn't such a thing as a good guy. There are just bearable ones. 8)

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@allym42,

Why are you ashamed to be a virgin? Girl you keep a bad group of friends, I bet they are all sluts.
**** speaking for the guys, I'd have to say guys prefer virgins over slutty ass bitches. And don't loose your virginity on some random guy that passes by, cause that's not smart and it may get you some kind of disease.

Yup you definitely need to change who you chill out with.

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@allym42,

Speaking from experience ...wait until you find someone who is at least a little bit special! You want your first experience to be something lovely you can look back on in future and smile about. I lost my virginity against my will to someone I'd only just met - yay! And I had plenty of one night stands when I was about your age - but 30 years later very few pleasant memories. Be kind to yourself. And don't even think about it until you're on the pill and have bought a big box of condoms.

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Why are you thinking about lying? Have you no self worth? Lying is extremely stupid as a modality.

Also, if you are working out how to lose your virginity, work out how to protect yourself from pregnancy.

I think you are too young, mentally and emotionally, and I say this as very young at your age.
You seem totally confused and more, not knowing yourself at all.
Do some reading.

I think you are apt to be very sorry later if you toss yourself to someone who appears interested.

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@allym42,

I know, I know guys. I know it sounds really bad and you're right I should wait but I'm just sick of waiting for a good guy and I want to have sex, and I don't know I just don't think it's that wrong. I've been thinking about it for a while so it's not something I randomly decided last night. Of course I would rather have my first time be with someone I love or at least really like and feel comfortable with, but who knows when that will come along. I'm so shy unless I'm drunk and I can't ever talk to guys that I like. I think I'm pretty, I'm just not confident. And I don't know maybe doing this will make more guys like me and that will make me confident. I realize how slutty this all sounds and I know I have self esteem problems, so you don't need to point any of that out!

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@allym42,

It sounds quite stupid.

If you insist on this toss up, pleas protect yourself re a pill and a condom.

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@ossobuco,

I wouldn't do it if he didn't have a condom. I really don't think it's that big a deal. I know 'everyone else is doing it' is never a reason for something. But I'm in college and I'm just having fun.

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@allym42,

allym42 wrote:

I wouldn't do it if he didn't have a condom. I really don't think it's that big a deal. I know 'everyone else is doing it' is never a reason for something. But I'm in college and I'm just having fun.

dont let the moralistic prudes get to you.....lots of people lose their virginity to no one special just to get it over with. you are not the only one who thinks that sexual inexperience is over rated. live your own life, dont let others dictate your life to you.

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@allym42,

allym42 wrote:

I know, I know guys. I know it sounds really bad and you're right I should wait but I'm just sick of waiting for a good guy and I want to have sex, and I don't know I just don't think it's that wrong. I've been thinking about it for a while so it's not something I randomly decided last night. Of course I would rather have my first time be with someone I love or at least really like and feel comfortable with, but who knows when that will come along. I'm so shy unless I'm drunk and I can't ever talk to guys that I like. I think I'm pretty, I'm just not confident. And I don't know maybe doing this will make more guys like me and that will make me confident. I realize how slutty this all sounds and I know I have self esteem problems, so you don't need to point any of that out!

Here is the thing, or the way I see it. You can really only lose your virginity once. If you hide it from the guy and then you never see him again it'll eventually bug you down the road. You are better off waiting until the guy at least likes you to lose that way you don't have any regrets or bad feelings towards yourself later.

If you are shy, there are ways to fix it. You don't have to use sex as a way to fix your shyness. It will leave you needing sex to feel confident which is never a good place to start from. Guys can easily take your confidence away if you use sex to obtain it. Trust me on this one.

When you talk to guys, think of them as if they are just another friend or a girl. Don't think of them as anything different or that you need to impress them or worried that you might scare them off. Just be yourself. You want to be yourself because it is the best thing to advertise. If you fluff up and present something other than yourself then they get interested, they will be let down when they discover the real you.

That is why it is bad to pretend to be something you are not. When a guy likes you for who you are and what qualities you have then you can be comfortable all the time around him and won't need to pretend. You won't need to put any effort into keeping him interested because he will be naturally.

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@Krumple,

Quote:

If you fluff up and present something other than yourself then they get interested, they will be let down when they discover the real you.

when did we decide that guys need to know how many guys the chick they are banging has been with? Women almost always lie about this when asked, so it is cruel to make a particular female feel bad about lying about this.

1 Reply

@allym42,

You are a fool.
Good sex can start at the beginning.
Throwing that away is stupid.

But, hey, have fun, listen to Hawkeye.
I'm not a moralistic prude.
My first sex was wonderful.
That was good news.

1 Reply

@hawkeye10,

hawkeye10 wrote:

when did we decide that guys need to know how many guys the chick they are banging has been with? Women almost always lie about this when asked, so it is cruel to make a particular female feel bad about lying about this.

I never said she needed to tell any guy how many men she has been with. You assume that I did. So what if a woman decides to tell a guy how many she's been with? If the guy has a problem with it, that should be his problem. She shouldn't feel bad about it. If women feel the need to lie about how many they have been with it might be because society places such a harsh level of criticism on women where as if their counterpart male has just as many partners as her, no one makes a stink over it.

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@ossobuco,

Quote:

Good sex can start at the beginning.
Throwing that away is stupid.

throwing virginity away makes perfect sense to me. what value is there in it? when I was a virgin i wanted to not be for the last several years, and I have never wanted my women to be virgins. I want someone who knows how to do it well, which from what I have seen means that they have at least a few fucks under their belt. hell, the last romantic move I saw where the heroine was a virgin was "A walk to Remember"....but that was a decade ago.

1 Reply

@Krumple,

Krumple wrote:

hawkeye10 wrote:
when did we decide that guys need to know how many guys the chick they are banging has been with? Women almost always lie about this when asked, so it is cruel to make a particular female feel bad about lying about this.

I never said she needed to tell any guy how many men she has been with. You assume that I did. So what if a woman decides to tell a guy how many she's been with? If the guy has a problem with it, that should be his problem. She shouldn't feel bad about it. If women feel the need to lie about how many they have been with it might be because society places such a harsh level of criticism on women where as if their counterpart male has just as many partners as her, no one makes a stink over it.

didnt you just tell her that she certainly should not lie about being a virgin? my point is that this is cruel, she should lie if she wants to because almost all women lie about this. true enough that most women cut by 2/3 the real number and she wants to inflate it instead, but a lie in one direction is the same as a lie in the other.

1 Reply

@hawkeye10,

Joy can show up at the start.

I'm no wait until forever person - that is a meme your putting on me.

1 Reply

@hawkeye10,

hawkeye10 wrote:

didnt you just tell her that she certainly should not lie about being a virgin? my point is that this is cruel, she should lie if she wants to because almost all women lie about this. true enough that most women cut by 2/3 the real number and she wants to inflate it instead, but a lie in one direction is the same as a lie in the other.

She shouldn't be forced into lying because, as you like to put it, "almost all women lie about this". So what? If they are lying about it, there is a motive behind it. They are trying to avoid something by lying. What would they be hiding from? Criticism perhaps?

Ultimately it's up to her anyways regardless of how I feel about it. She can decide if she wants to hide it or not. All I am asking is why she feels the need to hide it? I never felt the need to hide it but perhaps because I am a different person? I don't hide from social pressures and I want to break them all down. There is no reason why she should feel ashamed about it.

1 Reply

@ossobuco,

Quote:

Joy can show up at the start.

people should do what they want, all i am saying is that there is a good case for slogging though the first time to vanquish virginity, get the jitters gone, and to learn something. then try to do the next time with someone who means something in the hopes that it will be something to remember. guys have done this forever, we dont care who was the first, we care about who was the best.

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How can I make it not obvious I'm a virgin?

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