Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones

Walter--

What is your airport of departure?

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ABQ, then Washington Dulles :wink:

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I'll have to put my mind towards getting my Special Package to Washington. Sigh. Airport security is probably very rigorous in Washington.

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Mr. Noddy is Being A Handful.

I found these cross-cultural thoughts cheering:

Quote:

If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?

Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?

Drink tea and nourish life; with the first sip, joy;

with the second sip, satisfaction; with the third sip, peace; with the fourth, a Danish.

Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.

Accept misfortune as a blessing. Do not wish for

perfect health, or a life without problems. What would you talk about?

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single Oy.

There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?

Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.

The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not take sides. The Tao has no expectations.

The Tao demands nothing of others. The Tao is not Jewish.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.

Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems.

Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as a wooded glen. And sit up straight.

You'll never meet the Buddha with such rounded shoulders.

Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers. Each flower

blossoms ten thousand times. Each blossom has ten

thousand petals. You might want to see a specialist.

Be aware of your body. Be awa re of your perceptions.

Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a

symptom of a terminal illness.

The Torah says, Love your neighbor as yourself.

The Buddha says, There is no self. So, maybe we're off the hook.

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The Visiting Nurses have noticed Mr. Noddy's vile temper and asked me about physical abuse.

There is none of that--and will be none.

There are doubts about him driving again and "Nursing Home" was whispered softly this morning.

I feel as thought I'm not alone in the wilderness.

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Good for the nurses..

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Mental decline
Noddy - I'm sure you're thankful for the Visiting Nurses' observations. To have your own perceptions validated by outside eyes must take a good deal of the weight off your shoulders. It provides objectivity that might otherwise get in the way of decision making.

"Nursing home" is a difficult concept and a difficult decision, but going by my own all too recent experience these decisions really seem to get themselves made. Decline that is as obvious and as visible as Mr Noddy's produces its own sequence of events.

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Tomkitten--

Now that Mr. Noddy's sweet temper is eroding, a nursing home is starting to seem like a possibility down the road. My first husband started with verbal abuse and moved on to physical abuse. I will not let this happen to me again.

Osso--

Mr. Noddy thinks that he's charming the entire Visiting Nurse team. He doesn't pick up much feedback these days.

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Hey Noddy

Not sure what to say....would like to say a lot of stuff...but you know it already. I guess, just would like to say to try and ensure that what others see and hear in the short space of "visiting" time that the nurses/professional/whoever visit.... that they don't just see and hear, but that they see, hear and act upon it.

I think you'll know what I mean - it's easy for the good intentions of those who CAN do something about the difficulties you can and will be facing with Mr. Noddy - but it's en entirely different matter THEM, those people who ensure the "powers that be" listen and respond to the difficulties.

From my "baby"......to your "baby" - the age is irrelevant in these matters - it's making sure someone helps those decisions to be made. Please don't let anyone just walk away from what you are saying to them and what they can then do about it. Whether the "difficulty" is 10 or 100 years old - the outcome on us as we try to deal with their difficulties - can be the destruction of ourselves. I know you are too wise to allow that to happen - whisper, talk, talk loud, shout if you have to - please make sure they all hear you.

See - I know what I want to say - my 100 words to your 10 words.... but I think you'll understand what I'm trying to get across. I hope.

I suppose - I just wish you to know also I'm thinking about you.

Take care.... and Happy Tumble Drying!

Hold yours Smile

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I got a letter from the court today: copy of a letter that my sister wrote them.

In this letter my sister wrote (besides more of such)

- that I would be the main heir [untrue] and that I would get after the death of my mother all the remaining money [true].
This would lead to the fact that I couldn't care about my mother, because I wouldn't spend any money for her.

She further wrote that my mother lives in fear to talk/meet me and Mrs Walter ... since years.

... ... ...

----------

I had never ever thaught such could happen.

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Mental decline
Oh Walter - That's horrible.

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Mental decline
Noddy - I just took a look at my last post to you, and find that it didn't quite make sense. "Objectivity...get in the way"???

I must have been thinking of subjectivity an muddled my brilliant composition all up. But I hope you know what I meant. And I hope the nurses follow through to help resolve the situation.

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Walter Hinteler wrote:

... ... ...This would lead to the fact that I couldn't care about my mother, because I wouldn't spend any money for her. ... ... ...

Mrs Walter thinks that my sister wrote the letter with the help of a lawyer.

If such was so (and indeed, the letter looks as if), this lawyer just wrote what my sister told him ...

I've - as legal guardian - by law and order of the court to look at not spending too much money (and even must ask the court if there are larger expenses).

Mrs. Walter and I are now out for a couple of hours: doing something nice.

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Re: Mental decline

Tomkitten wrote:

Oh Walter - That's horrible.

Yes.

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Oh Walter, I am so sorry. You have gone through so much, and this is the thanks that you get!

Is there any more to that letter? Was it just passed on to you, or is a response required?

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Sometimes I think your sister needs a legal guardian...

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Phoenix32890 wrote:

Was it just passed on to you, or is a response required?

It was just passed - "For information".

If I would go down to the level my sister is on - I certainly could file an action for slander. But that's beneath me, and I'm no litigious individual.

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ossobuco wrote:

Sometimes I think your sister needs a legal guardian...

She certainly didn't formulate the letter alone ... :wink:

And so I've send her a letter, in which I only acknowledge the receipt of her letter via the court. (Not that I think, this will bother her. But who knows?)

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Walter, you certainly got all the brain cells in the family! Your sister is really a piece of work.

Had to get that off my chest before responding and catching up on all the posts.

Noddy, your dominion has seen you through so much tragedy and pain, no wonder you hang on so tightly. Your strength is amazing and inspiring, I wonder if you ever think of yourself in those terms? You are quite a woman. Mr. Noddy is an old coot, but he needs care and help and there you have been. Hopefully, this is the time you will receive needed help, whether he likes it or not.

Not saying that he doesn't need compassion and caring, but there is only so much to give when it is all one-sided. I know you will hold your dominion.

Walter, I occassionally swear, when I am truly peeved. I'm sending those words silently towrds your sister. I hope she wonders why she is feeling a well deserved guilty surprise as she is described, by me, in realistic terms. Even though I would never swear when younger, I can really let 'er rip once in a while, so here goes.....

BTW, thank you so much for the link to your photos of your last trip. As usual, they were as professional as any Ive seen and you have a great skill at narrating each one. I could almost feel the air and smell the smells of those outdoor cafes.

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Walter--

If anyone chooses to investigate your sister's slander, they'll talk to the people who take care of your mother. She isn't sitting here waiting for her daughter to take her home, is she?

Still, finding you're close kin to a liar and deceiver is both unsettling and sick making.

TomKitten--

I managed the translation--which I couldn't have done had you written in Hebrew.

Diane--

Thanks for the kind words.

I've started goosing my stepsons to demonstrate a certain amount of filial piety before it is Too Late. Some are receptive, some are not.

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Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones

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