Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones

Some update from here.

Aunt liked nearly everything - besides exactly those two jumpers we thought she wouldn't like.
One skirt was a bit too large - but I convinced the nurses that she should keep it.
(Today I read the announcement that a firm is coming in the home and does a fashion show: another opportunity ....)

So the next to do is getting aunt's teeth back = denture restored.


Today, when I was looking for mother at her ward (mother usually is sent back from there), aunt was in her room, on the toilet.
So I visted her again. later. At first, she didn't speak at all, but then complained that she had pain all over, was feeling bad ... I thought, Icould hear which way the wind was blowing and asked the urses.
Correct: one even said that she hadn't seen aunt so friendly and laughing as it happened today.


Actually, I was a bit nervous: I han't found mother in her room nor at aunt's nor in the chape or in the café.
But then another nurse told me, she had just send mother back to her ward. And there a nurse said, she had guided mother back from the park.
"Of course" mother had been a long walk in town, but only returned due to the strong winds.
And 'no', she hadn't refused at all to take part at the gymnstics today and other activities. Just one time she missed that because she wasn't feeling good.

At least, she asked today when she could go home - not that she ordered me to take her home immmidiately or the next day like she did the past couple of days.

This morning, I'd been to the court again, bringing them some more apers about this and that (insurances, descritions of objects of value etc etc).
All taken to he books without complaining.

I really had a nice talk with the friendly court clerk.
About my sister. And she even told me what she thinks about this as a private person.

Okay, the judge will decide sometime in nearer future, if I'll have to get an "assistant legal guardian" for some financial things, just for a short period and only for that. (There might be a conflict of interests since some of my money is on one of mother's accounts.)

I'd send my sister a letter last week, with the court protocol of the interview, and asked her to call back/write.
What she didn't do, neither calling/writing me nor the court.
The court clerk told me in a roundabout way what she thinks about that - and her.

So, I've send another letter today, include copies of the papers I gave to the court and ... and told her, if she wouldn't react now within a couple of days, mother might get a profesional legal guardian, the house might be sold and all her belongings could be stored somewhere.
I wouldn't think that such was neither mother's will nor good for her well being but ...

I've sent this letter as a certified registered mail, because it culd have been that the postman forgot to deliver the letter last week :wink:

Walter--

Such a wild social life with the courts and two wards in the nursing home and your gymnastic lessons so that you can bend backwards to cope with your sister's monumental irrationality and procrastination! You're a busy, busy man.

The insurance companies will pay one more week for Mr. Noddy's residential rehab, so I have one more week of In Home Sanctuary. He's definitely taken another major step in to senility. His memory for events and conversations is poor and his judgement is not good. Compassion for others is probably a permanently lost skill.

I'm trying to line up some of my stepsons for chores that I can't do--and that Mr. Noddy shouldn't attempt. Mr. Noddy is fussing that these 40 year old men can't possibly remove branches from the roof or tack up battered siding. Once again, he's wrong.

There's a long, long trail a-winding.....

Mental decline
Again - no communication from A2K. I have to see whether Thunderbird thinks A2K is junk or spam or some other evil thing.

Having been through something similar with my mother, I'm following Walter's doings with the greatest interest. I think that while Walter may be a complete expert at bending over backwards, his sister is definitely a prize-winner at behaving like a pretzel.

Anyway - good luck, Walter. And I agree that communication with your sister has to be certified mail - it's a great protection for you.

Noddy - I'm following The Adventures of Mr Noddy in Rehab with equal interest. I have to say that I was extremely lucky with Bob in this respect. He was too frail and tired to make more than token objections to things. Besides, he was basically a very sweet-tempered person, and as time went by this translated into great passivity. More and more I realize how much he must have held in, though, and wonder that he didn't explode much sooner than he did.

Anyway, Noddy, take every possible advantage of your freedom, and when Mr Noddy does come home, try to line up as much help as you can. And never forget that A2K is open to any amount of venting you need .

TomKitten--

Mr. Noddy still prides himself on his sweet temper and equitable disposition. Unfortunately enough of his brain cells that create a civilized facade have died off that his emotions are not always under his control.

Frequently he seems to see his relationship with me as one of sibling rivalry rather than as an adult marriage. Last night I talked to one of my stepsons about getting a tree branch off the roof. He declined--he just ripped a tendon in his ankle and is grounded for at least a week.

I passed this information on to Mr. Noddy who retorted, "Well, he didn't tell me that. To my mind the important part of the story is the kid's ankle, not who heard the news first.

Believe me, I'll be venting on A2K the same way some people copy&paste on A2K.

Outside the window snow is falling.

Mental decline


The saddest and most awful thing is that it isn't really an adult marriage any more when things fall apart like this. It's no longer a union of equals, and one slowly becomes less a spouse and more a parent.

I don't mean that love isn't there. It is, but the emphasis changes along with its nature. You are now two people - wife and mother. It's not an easy combination to deal with. It's a constant shifting of gears, changing of hats, whatever. And one can't always grab the right hat. But one tries, and sometimes one gets it wrong, sometimes one gets it right. So, Noddy, pat yourself on the back when you get it right; do NOT waste energy feeling guilty if you get it wrong. You're doing your best, and you can't do more than that.

TomKitten--

I can do "wife". I can handle "mother". I'm just not good when I'm cast as "greedy sister" or "pedant".

His mobility is improving in rehab--although he's overly casual about putting on the brakes of his wheelchair before he tries to stand up.

Usually during a hospital stay he's quite a pet of nurses, aids and staff. This time I sense more ritualistic banter than genuine fondness. Mr. Noddy would like a therapist, a nurse and a nurse's aid all to himself.

He's been complaining that other patients take the staff's attention....

Oh Noddy - please try and make the most of the time you have just to gather your strength for when Mr Noddy comes home. You do have a long road in front of you.

I just wanted to wish you well and let you know we are all thinking about you.

Hold Your Dominion girl.

Izzie x

Izzie--

Thanks for the good wishes. I still have another week of respite. Mr. Noddy is making great progress at walking with a walker and is talking about coming home early. After all, you know, the resident rehab unit is very small and they might "need" the bed.

Last week when he was transferred from a medical ward to rehab, the hospital wanted me to sign the paperwork. Not only does he need a ride home, he probably needs my signature for an honorable discharge.

I'm counting on one more week--even if I have to fight for it.

That would be another fight for a 'good thing', I could imagine :wink:

(I got the attached postcard from that certified letter today, btw: my sister signed the notice of receipt herself.)

Walter--

She signed for the letter and put it aside to read sometime when she can really concentrate.

This is all too-too tiresome for her.

It's all very speculative - but Mrs. Walter has the same opinion as you've, Noddy :wink:

Mental decline
Gee, Walter, you mustn't expect her to do all the hard work...

Fight the good fight, Noddy. Enjoy your "spring break".

Noddy- I don't know what is doing in your neck of the woods, but over here, there is a very active Hospice program. Now before you get your back up and say that Mr. Noddy is NOT dying, what I had discovered was that hospice will take on patients, so long as they meet certain criteria.

For instance, my mom was on Hospice for two years. They just kept reevaluating her. What they did was offer social work services, nursing, physical therapy, and even simple caregiving. She even had a "friendly visitor" volunteer, who would come and sit with her.

My point is, that you need to gather as many people around you as you can to take some of the stress off you. Expenses were paid for by Medicare, and at one point, I transferred her from her regular doctor to the Hospice doctor, so I did not have to take her out to the doctor's office. The doctor came to her.

You might want to check it out!

Mental decline
Phoenix is right. You really ought to investigate Hospice. There is no arbitrary limit to length of time on Hospice as long as the client meets the criteria. Evaluation is every couple of months.

Every time I get a notice from Medicare about medical services for Bob I am amazed to see in the "You May Be Asked to Pay This Amount" column nothing but zeroes.

The one thing Hospice doesn't do is baby-sit, but you can line up other agencies for that, to give yourself time to do errands, visit, or just go and sit somewhere quietly by yourself.

Mr Noddy may well come across as antagonistic - I know Bob expressed resentment at the thought of home help, but I always came back from whatever I was doing, to find that he and the companion had had a quiet time, and the report from the companion was always what a nice person he was, and how cooperative - so this could be one of those situations where the family member and the companion produce very different reactions. I think with Bob it was a last ditch attempt at independence.

.

Tomkitten- I agree. What I have found with working with my Caregiver's group, is that the men are, at first, very resistent to what they perceive as "baby sitters", and will take out their hostility on this issue at their spouses. Bottom line, after awhile, often they will accept, and even enjoy, the assistance. The point is to make sure that the caregiver is a good "match". If one does not work out well, that does not mean that another won't.

That's useful information, Phoenix and Tomkitten... I didn't realize that.

Phoenix, TomKitten--

Last year I made contact with the local Agency for Aging. Down the road I'll be able to use them and all their contacts, including both Hospice and the Visiting Nurses.

Remember, Mr. Noddy still has his driver's license and can get out and about.

I've asked that both the Rehab doctor and Mr. Noddy's own Internist evaluate in terms of safety on the road.

First things first.

As for accepting Hospice workers, Mr. Noddy would accept the Fuller Brush Man as an afternoon guest, providing that the Fuller Brush Man did all the listening while he did all the talking.

Mental decline
Does the Fuller Brush Man exist any more?

If the next generation of children, i.e. Boomers' grandchildren, ever watch the original Disney Three Little Pigs cartoon will they even recognize the reference when the Wolf tells one of the pigs "I'm the Fuller Brush Man"?