Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones

Within the last year, we arranged with the local pharmacy to deliver medications to my father-in law, once a week. We purchased two dosettes (I'm spelling that wrong…what do you call those things…they have compartments…Monday morning pills go in one box… lunch, dinner, bedtime pills etc have their own compartments). In any case…they filled one and dropped it off each Wednesday, at which time they picked up the empty one from the week before. It was easy to look at the dosette to see if the proper pills had been taken.

No system's perfect of course. Deliberate over dosing is still possible, but those little organizers were the greatest help to him. Because he was a senior, the pharmacy filled the dosettes and delivered them for free (but we would have paid if necessary, just for the convenience, not to mention peace of mind). I had no idea such a thing could be arranged Noddy until a year ago when my husband asked at the pharmacy. Perhaps Mr. Noddy's already using a dosette system? Even if the pharmacy won't deliver, they should be able to fill the organizers.

I'm so sorry this is falling to you especially at a time when you are in fragile health yourself. If I could, I'd offer more practical hands on assistance.

Even though it may be an insult and just out right inappropriate..

if he does not really NEED them, can you dispose of them?

If his doctor ( the one who wrote the RX in the first place) had him in the hospital to get that drug out of his system, then he would understand and not re-write another rx..? correct?

disposing of them should not be your responsibility , nor is it a position you would want to be in.. but.. for peace of mind, -I- would watch them float in a toilet bowl..

A couple of years ago, my sister had a full knee replacement and incurred some wierd reactions to the pain meds intermixed with other medications she had been prescribed. As she was staying at my house during her recuperation, we were significantly sleep deprived amidst some wild eyed late night tantrums, anxiety attacks, and other psycotic and medical symptoms ranging from annoying to terrifying.

I finally listed all her medications and went to the pharmacist and to her primary doctor--and yes, there were some that were definitely not playing well with others. We cut down the total 22 different prescriptions to 6 and things improved considerably.

My mother-in-law who passed away on her 100th birthday at one point was taking 26 different pills prescribed by various doctors. Needless to say this was also creating some unnecessary grief for her and her primary caretakers--we got that straightened out too.

Point is, doctors are often not careful to analyze what they are prescribing as opposed to other medications the patient is taking. And if the patient is not entirely competent to figure this out for himself/herself, we can often do something about it by confronting the problem. And then even if we are still dealing with diminished cognizance, etc., it at least won't be made worse by inappropriate or over medication.

Joeblow--

The problem here isn't "accidentally" overdosing--or forgetting pills.

He has one of those layered pill boxes--and uses it--but his painkillers are something else. He likes his painkillers--they are part of his identity as a long-suffering man.

Shewolf--

At the risk of sounding a bit testy, invading other people's space and possessions on my own is not something I can do. Once I get a doctor's permission, I can act. Meanwhile, the doctors are in charge.

Of course I've talked and talked and talked with Mr. Noddy about the situation. Right now he's having embarrassing moments of incontinence and I'm pointing out that this may be a side effect overmedication.

All I can do--given my conscience--is lead and teach.

Foxfyre-

Mr. Noddy nearly killed himself with overmedication twelve years ago. His doctor and I are both worried about this happening again, but most of the "downer" meds are prescribed by another doctor who believes in better living through chemistry.

People--

Mr. Noddy's meds are not a problem I can solve by myself. I am not going to expend any more time and energy right now on Mr. Noddy's meds. I don't have time and energy to spare. My Crohn's is acting up in a way that could be life-threatening and my doctor is using Remicade and other drastic measures.

I am weak and exhausted and not going to tilt at windmills.

Thank you for your concern--your sympathy means a great deal. People in Mr. Noddy's stage of decline aren't big on sympathy, empathy or picking up after themselves.

One of the neighbors has invited him over this afternoon (transportation provided). I'll have 2-3 hours of breathing space. Cross your fingers.

Well prayers for strength and resolution then Noddy. We all can only do what we can do and it sounds like you have enough on your plate without anybody expecting you to take on more. Giving advice is all too often much easier done than is ability to sort it all out at the other end, and therefore none of us are in a position to judge anything other than our own situation. God bless.

Foxfyre--

Thanks.

I'll assault your collective ears with bitchery--venting helps.

Oy, Noddy. This is hard.

Teaching Mr. Noddy anything is probably a no-go by now.

Is there one doctor or pharmacist who is responsible for monitoring ALL medications? this was an issue with brendalee's late father earlier this year. There is a big push on to have all medications run through one pharmacy which seems to help prevent some of the interactions - but someone has to get behind it for a patient - especially one who is not fully competent.

Does the good stepson realize that if your condition worsens that the boys are going to be responsible for their father? have any of them been involved in meetings with his doc? Is Mr. Noddy able to stay home alone if you need to go to hospital? Perhaps you could let the boy/s know it's going to be up to them.

~~~

Listening to you is our job.
Taking care of yourself is your primary job right now.

Foxfyre's mention of the adverse reactions of certain medications if something most of us can identify with, either because of a relative's experiences or those of a friend. It happens all to often and is fatal in many cases.

I like ehBeth's suggestions of making sure all medications come through one pharmacy. I've found most pharmicists to be very helpful in explaing possible side effects and the inappropriate mixing of meds.

How much medication is he given at one time? Perhaps the pain killers could be more restricted than the rest of the meds.

Noddy...

I've tried to think of something to say that could possibly help in some way.... and I can't find the right words...

so I'm sending you my thoughts in pictures...

Healing basket


Healing Crystal and Candle


Healing Moon


Healing Tea and Fruit


and a Zen Banana


with love x

I apologize for overstepping my boundaries and acting (posting) as though mr noddys medications were really the biggest issue in your life, and suggesting things that I am sure you have thought about yourself several times over.


I just dont know what else to day.
Like Izzy, I want to say just the right thing, convey just the right emotion and maybe find the solution to all your problems.

its a pipe dream. I know this.

My intentions are infinitely better then my words.

People, please-please-please.

When I am healthy I can not control Mr. Noddy's meds. I am not healthy right now. I think there is some improvement in the painful swelling in my feet and ankles. The bruise from the site of the infusion seems to be fading more quickly than earlier bruises from bloodwork.

I am still very tired. This is a predictable side effect but not a pleasant side effect. Just getting through the days right now, one by one, is all I can do. Remember, I'm not only coping with my own limits, but with Mr. Noddy's galloping senility and monumental selfishness.

His doctors know the problem with Mr. Noddy's meds. The pharmacy is aware of the problem with Mr. Noddy's meds. Mr. Noddy likes taking lots of pills and that is the bottom line. I have neither the authority or the energy to interfere.

Just because I know the problem exists does not mean that I am able to bell the cat.

The situation is complicated by Mr. Noddy's mental deterioration--and the doctors are aware of this.

I am grateful for your sympathy and support, but harping on the meds situation is not helpful. I value your sympathy. I don't get a lot of it around here and your warm, thoughtful words made me cry a little.

Thank you.

Hey Noddy

You must only concentrate on you right now - MrN's meds are his responsibility and you cannot deal with that.

Please try and get some support in for you. You cannot take care of Mr Noddy's needs right now - you have to look after yourself.

We're all terribly worried for your health Noddy - you are not well enough to be thinking about anything other than you and trying to get from one day to the next. Is it at all possible for Mr Noddy to go and stay with one of the children? Is anybody stepping up at all? Can you approach your doctor and say you need the "respite"? How can you possibly be caretaker whilst you are so so poorly? You can't.

I know it will be a struggle to even think about the above. I know that making hard decisions whilst you are poorly is terrible.... but you may need to stomp as firmly as you can with whatever energy you have left inside you.

Please, you must think of you right now - we can think of you but we can't help with Mr. Noddy. There is family there. It is at all possible for one of your friends to make the call to one of the children? That may bear more weight that you making the call.

So sorry you are feeling this way - your dominion is a heavy burden to bear right now - someone needs to step up - and it can't be you right now.

Sending you much love Noddy x

Izzie--

Even the best of my stepsons were "too busy" to check on their father when I was out-of-town for R&R.

Favorite Stepson has redeemed himself a bit this week. You take what you can get. I've been leaning on that whole tribe--and they are beginning to realize that I'm the Woman standing between them and full-time responsibility for Dear Old Dad.

Mr. Noddy is making efforts for better behavior--and some of these efforts are in the right direction. A Good Woman would not wince at Ostentatious Dish Washing and Clutter Clearing, complete with prideful commentary, but I'm learning to wince very softly.

The swelling in my feet/ankles/calves is going down. At least there is a pay-off for the misery and hysteria.

Mr. Noddy is also thinking of what sort of driving restrictions he could accept. His doctors are reluctant to take away his car keys--car keys are very important to men, you know.

Time to put my feet up--and they are more attractive, less distorted feet than they were yesterday. Of course you're an expert on Personal Pedal Aesthetics.

Thank you for your concern.

Noddy, please accept apologies for coming on too strongly with advice about meds. Of course a woman with your intelligence and experience would be aware of difference methods to program Mr. Noddy's medications.

We get so caught up in your story that we jump at something that comes along which would give us a chance to actually help.

I promise to just sit back and continue sending good, healing thoughts.
Home nursing care will be one of those thoughts. [size=7]Sorry, I couldn't help myself.[/size]

Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
Noddy - You're totally right, YOU come first. Sometimes this is hard to act on, but if you don't put yourself first, you'll wind up an ineffective last, so remember: right now, Noddy=First.

You are doing absolutely the right thing by putting your feet up, indulging in liver-and-onions (although personally, I find it hard to believe that liver can help anyone's mood, but then there are people who get depressed at the thought of vanilla ice cream without fudge sauce...).

So this might be your current mantra - "Noddy=First. Noddy=First".

I hope your Crohn's demon is quieting down a bit more.

I honestly cannot think of anything helpful to say, so I'll just shut up.

But know that you and Mr. Noddy are in my thoughts and prayers.

Much love,

Eva

Diane--

The intake interview for Home Nursing is at 2 this afternoon. As part of some complicated medical-political agenda we've had agencies switched. I'm hoping that someone will show up at least twice a week to get Mr. Noddy to take a bath, but....

Tomkitten--

Eventually I'll have the strength to fight Mr. Noddy for his own good. Meanwhile, if he choses to eat an unbalanced diet and play power games with his insulin.....

Project for today is to find someone who can show him how to use his new insulin injection system. Since Friday he's lost the instructions.

Eva--

Thank you. All good wishes are welcome.

I seem to be capable of 10-15 minute bursts of energy. This is progress.

Noddy- Happy to hear that you are beginning to get your strength back.

Even if I was to think first on Mr. Noddy, you gotta come first, Noddy.

Take it easy on you. No one can do more than what's possible.

A hug.

I hope it's a lovely cool sunny day and that you've been able to get some trashy reading done.

(hugs from the thundery-lightningy north)