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Re-gifting

 
 
firefly
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 May, 2012 12:02 pm
@chai2,
Quote:
...the gift itself was the art, not the frame...

I think it's the OP who defines what she feels was her gift. She's made it rather clear that her gift was the total package--a framed, matted painting. She made an effort to display her art in a particular way, when presenting it to her friend, and her friend subsequently violated her decision, about her artwork, and then compounded the faux pas by re-gifting the frame back to her.

If the gift was just the art, none of this would have bothered her. But it did bother her, and I see no reason not to respect her feelings or how she reacted to her friend's behavior. To re-gift the frame back to her, particularly without an explanation, was thoughtless and somewhat insulting. She's entitled to react with a tinge of anger--what her friend did to her gift upset her, and she let him know that. But, even after she let him know she was upset, he acted like it was no big deal, he "brushed it off". He really owed her an apology even if he had inadvertently hurt her feelings.

If she really values this friendship, she probably should just let this pass. A gift of one's own artwork is a highly personal gift, and if she doesn't like how this particular friend treats such a gift, she should not give him such gifts in the future. Unless there are other problems in this relationship, or this friend is generally thoughtless or insensitive, it's probably not worth making a continuing issue about it.

And I can't see any real reason why she would want to treat it like a joke, as others have suggested--that really wouldn't be an appropriate response, given her real feelings about the matter. What her friend did was wrong, including just brushing off her feelings about it. It's better off forgotten.





Ceili
 
  2  
Reply Mon 14 May, 2012 12:25 pm
I'll tell you why I think this is silly. It's a $25 dollar frame. He kept the artwork. I have a lot of artwork. Most have the same frame and matte. I've been given paintings and had them reframed. It's the artwork I look at, I don't want the distraction of multiple types of frames.
I once gave an elderly friend a beautiful stained glass vase. She re-gifted the vase back to me several years later filled with dried flowers. She was an amazing gardener, a house filled year round with flowers, and vases and other stuff given as gifts over the years. She saved each gift and knew who gave it to her. She had taken a course in dried flower arrangement and soon before she moved into a retirement home, she began giving back many of these lovely pieces to the people who had given them to her. Her lovely, hand pressed flowered cards explained how she had treasured these gifts and now wanted others to enjoy them. She filled each thing with an arrangement. I thought the gesture was lovely. I still have it, the vase not the bouquet as it got dusty over the years. Her memory is still with me.
firefly
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 May, 2012 12:50 pm
@Ceili,
Quote:
I have a lot of artwork. Most have the same frame and matte. I've been given paintings and had them re framed. It's the artwork I look at, I don't want the distraction of multiple types of frames.

I have a lot of original artwork too, including works given to me by family members who are artists. In some cases, the work has been quite poorly framed or matted, and I thought it actually detracted from the artwork, so I had it redone. But, if I knew that the artist/gifter was going to see their work in revised display form, in my home, I've let them know about it in advance, with an explanation, and it's never created any problems. They know I appreciate and value the art, and I also know that a really good framing job can be quite expensive, which is why I am willing to assume the cost of enhancing how their work is displayed. But I can't imagine re-gifting their original frame back to them--that's pretty tacky.

Quote:
She began giving back many of these lovely pieces to the people who had given them to her. Her lovely, hand pressed flowered cards explained how she had treasured these gifts and now wanted others to enjoy them. She filled each thing with an arrangement. I thought the gesture was lovely. I still have it, the vase not the bouquet as it got dusty over the years. Her memory is still with me.

That was a gracious and lovely gesture--and she explained what she was doing. I wouldn't even consider that "re-gifting".


0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 May, 2012 12:52 pm
@Ceili,
I think the difference in your "re-gift" was you understood the purpose of the "re-gift" - she was moving into a retirement home with limited space; wanted prior gift givers understand how much she appreciated the gift she received and thus was a way to thank you for that.

The other situation there is no indication of appreciation of the gift (at least from what we can see) and almost thoughtlessness (maybe that wasn't the intention - but there was no explanation or apparent reason for giving back the frame) of the gift.

I've received "back" things too usually from elderly people - usually as a result of a similar situation or even death - ie wife of my grandfather gave back gifts that we were personal gifts to my grandfather thinking this was a way to remember him.

I think it is more the thoughtfulness of the gift that is its importance. I've given my own received gifts to other people, but always let them know that I had received it as a gift and have no use for it, but knew you would - not as birthday or occassion gift though. I've also received such gifts.
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Mon 14 May, 2012 03:11 pm
I think everyone is over thinking all of this.

I can't even keep it straight anymore. But, to be honest, I haven't really tried to keep it straight.

That's how silly it is.

She has the right to be angry, or she has the right to just move on.

I'd wonder how good a friend a gift giver is if they tried to dictate what I should do with something they gave me, I'd assume of their own free will.

"I'll give you a gift only if you do what I want you to with it?" That's really bad.

She's putting conditions on their friendship, and I wouldn't go for that.

That's all I have to say on the matter.
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 May, 2012 03:16 pm
@chai2,
Quote:
That's all I have to say on the matter.


you sound like forrest gump....yeah I wouldn't be angry about it - just personally I think re-gifting (in most cases) shows lack of thought .

And that's all I'm gonna say about that.
0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  2  
Reply Mon 14 May, 2012 03:25 pm
@firefly,
I agree with what you've said, but...

The OP is obsessing about the frame. Like you said, you've changed frames - well, he wanted to do the same. His error was not explaining it before she showed up. He kept the art (the most important part), didn't he?

I've given away framed paintings that I have done on my wall. If I had framed one in a cheap frame, as she has done, I wouldn't be the least bit offended if they reframed it. I wouldn't blame them a bit. If, however, they'd sold the art at a garage sale, I'd make sure to never give them another one!

I think the OP is more upset than she needs to be about this - it's JUST A FRAME. And now she wants to return it!! Why??
0 Replies
 
 

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