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Little boys should not be taught specifically not to hit girls

 
 
Reply Thu 26 Apr, 2012 02:25 pm
Hi:

I believe a boy should be taught from an early age to treat adult women more gently and give them more space than adult men. This will train him to become a gentleman and good husband when he grows up. However, no boy should ever be expected to treat a little girl differently from a little boy if/when such gender-different treatment is provided based solely on the genders of the little kids.

If a little boy is allowed to make physical contact [such as rough-play] with another little boy, he should be allowed make the same physical contact with a little girl without being condemned for "hitting/touching a girl".

Chivalry should be reserved for grown women, not little girls. Men/boys should be allowed to publicly-treat a little girl in the same way they are allowed to publicly-treat a little boy -- without facing nonsense accusations of "molestation". If a little girl doesn't like being treated like a little boy, then she should simply be told to be patient and wait till adulthood to expect any chivalry from men/boys.

Little girls are not better-behaved or weaker than little boys. As children, girls are just are tough as boys.

There is nothing special about a child being a girl. Girls are no more precious than boys.

If a girl hits a boy, either:

1. She should face the same condemnation that he would face for hitting her without him being bullied for being "beaten by a girl"

or

2. He should be allowed to retaliate against her in the same way he would be allowed to retaliate against another boy without being bullied for "hitting a girl"

Ideally, no one should be mistreated by anyone.

Please feel free to add any inputs.


Thanks so much,

Charlotte
 
sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 Apr, 2012 02:29 pm
@Charlotte31,
I think I agree with you.

I'm just not sure about the "molestation" part. That's not a word that girls usually use when they're hit by a boy, in my experience. So that part makes me wonder a little bit if this is about an actual event, and whether it might be about more than just a boy hitting a girl in the course of regular roughhousing.

But yes, I agree there's nothing wrong with regular roughhousing, no matter what the gender of the kids involved.

And that being mean is a bad idea, no matter what the gender of the kids involved.
0 Replies
 
aidan
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 Apr, 2012 07:28 pm
Interestingly enough, I think you'd find that men who hit women face more condemnation from other men for doing so than they do from women.

I have to say that I did instruct my son never to hit or 'man-handle' a female.
It's all well and good to try to pretend that girls are as 'rough' and 'tough' as boys, but the fact of the matter is that most females are smaller than most males and so at a physical disadvantage when it comes to 'fighting'.
If my son, who is eight inches taller and 60 pounds heavier than his sister, ever 'hit' her - he could knock her out and kill her.
Luckily, he's not a violent or aggressive soul - and I can't imagine an instance where he would hit a woman - but oh yes, for his own protection - I taught him -very specifically - never to hit a woman or anyone actually - but especially not girls.

It's as simple as not hitting someone who is smaller and not as strong as you are. From the time he was about eight - he was bigger and stronger than most of the girls his age.

Charlotte31
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 Apr, 2012 07:55 pm
@aidan,
Actually, as children, girls are usually stronger and bigger than boys because girls grow faster than boys.

In an event that a boy and a girl -- both around 10 years of age -- get into a physical alteration, hands down, the girl would defeat the boy even if he were allowed to hit her.

So if anything, girls should be taught not to hit boys, even if a boy hits first.

I notice most women usually treat kids in a gender-equitable manner. Men, however, often favor girls over boys.
aidan
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 Apr, 2012 08:22 pm
@Charlotte31,
Quote:
Actually, as children, girls are usually stronger and bigger than boys because girls grow faster than boys

Yes, this is true for about three years during puberty-girls tend to have their growth spurts earlier than boys - yes.

Quote:
In an event that a boy and a girl -- both around 10 years of age -- get into a physical alteration, hands down, the girl would defeat the boy even if he were allowed to hit her.

I wouldn't agree with this at all. But then maybe you and I have known different sorts of ten year old girls and boys.

Quote:
So if anything, girls should be taught not to hit boys, even if a boy hits first.

Huh? So what should the girl be taught to do?


Quote:
Skeletal and Muscular

The average weight increase during middle childhood is 5 to 7 pounds a year. The average height increase is 2 to 3 inches a year. By the age of 11 years, the average girl is 4 feet, 10 inches tall, and the average boy 4 feet, 9 1/2 inches tall.

Muscle mass increases as baby fat decreases, while the legs become longer, and the body trunk becomes slimmer. Strength gradually increases due to heredity and exercise, doubling their strength, during these years. Because of a greater number of muscle cells boys are usually stronger than girls.

It's not only about height and weight.

As the mother of a son, I would feel remiss if I didn't teach my son that it is wrong to hit 'people' who are smaller and not as strong as he is. And as he has always been a big, strong, athletic boy - these 'people' included most females from the time he was five years old.

For his own protection, he needed to be taught and understand that if he hit a female, the cultural backlash would be swift and damning- whether she was two inches taller than him at the age of thirteen, or not- doesn't matter.

And if a boy has been raised, or conditioned to view this as a definite taboo in terms of his behavior as a 'man' from boyhood, he's much more likely, when he reaches the age of fifteen and has on average twenty pounds and more muscle than most females his age, to adhere to this admonition and keep himself safe from maybe even inadvertently hurting someone smaller and weaker than himself and ever being the agent of abuse and harm to any of the women in his life.

You know - I'm all for gender equality - but let's be real. Most boys are stronger than most girls.
Have you ever arm-wrestled a twelve year old boy as compared to a twelve year old girl? I have. There IS a difference in strength in the average boy and the average girl.



chai2
 
  3  
Reply Thu 26 Apr, 2012 08:41 pm
I think little boys should be taught not to hit either boys or girls.
Charlotte31
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 Apr, 2012 08:47 pm
@aidan,
Quote:
Huh? So what should the girl be taught to do?


Walk away and take it "like a girl". Seriously if a weaker kid hits a stronger kid, the latter should not retaliate -- regardless of gender.

Quote:
For his own protection, he needed to be taught and understand that if he hit a female, the cultural backlash would be swift and damning- whether she was two inches taller than him at the age of thirteen, or not- doesn't matter.


Quote:
And if a boy has been raised, or conditioned to view this as a definite taboo in terms of his behavior as a 'man' from boyhood, he's much more likely to understand that when he reaches the age of fifteen and has on average twenty pounds and more muscle than most females his age, he'll be more likely to adhere to this admonition and keep himself safe from maybe even inadvertently hurting someone smaller and weaker than himself while never being the agent of abuse and harm to any of the women in his life.


Society is to blame for this evil anti-boy sexism.

Men/boys should not be raised to treat little girls much differently from little boys. Chivalry and gentleness towards females should be reserved for adult women.

Have you ever thought of the consequences of such sexism-against-little boys? How it can actually be counter-productive to the protection-of-little-girls?

Here is an example of how.

Let's say a little boy notices men treating little girls better than little boys. He feels extreme indignation because -- if the adults in charge are men -- girls have a free pass to do pretty much whatever they want to that poor helpless boy. If the boy hits back, then men admonish him for "hitting a girl". If the boy reports the bullying, the men admonish him for being weak enough to be "beat up by a girl". This no-win situation can drive a child crazy. It can make the little boy hate men and the little girls they defer to. What if the boy grows up with such repressed rage against men, society, and little girls? There is a high-risk that he will become depressed and contemplate suicide. Realizing that he might end his life, then he will figure he has nothing to lose by retaliating against society. In his retaliation against the macho male culture, he might end up heinously-abusing and killing many little girls before taking his own life. He might also end up injuring/killing even more girls in the process of committing suicide.

Sorry if this is disturbing but it's reality. Discrimination against one group of children can indirectly lead to danger to the other group of children.

You all may want to ask, if the boy grows up hating men for treating girls better than him, then why does he target little girls to "get even" with society? Why doesn't he limit his physical attacks to macho men?

Here is why. The little boy grows up thinking that the only way to punish the men who ruined his early-childhood is to hurt little girls. Is this fair or right? Absolutely not. However, this is the psychological state in which the little boy grows up with.

Don't get me wrong. I'm no fan of the "abuse excuse". However, if a little boy is abused by men who favor little girls, he will likely develop the belief that the only way to give himself justice against those evil men is to abuse little girls.

At the end of the day, anyone being mistreated by anyone is wrong and [ideally] should never happen. Sadly, society isn't the perfect society we all wish it would be.
0 Replies
 
thack45
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 Apr, 2012 09:08 pm
@chai2,
Well now that's just crazy talk. I suppose next you'll suggest people ought to treat others as they'd prefer to be treated. You're a lose cannon chai
0 Replies
 
DrewDad
 
  2  
Reply Thu 26 Apr, 2012 09:09 pm
@Charlotte31,
I'm boggling at the sexism inherent in your concept of "chivalry."

What if a grown woman hits a grown man? Should he be allowed to "retaliate?"

And a grown woman should be able to manage a child.




I've seen and heard about a lot of people who will teach their little boys to "hit them back" if they're hit by another kid. That approach just baffles me. If the only tool you have is a fist, every problem looks like a nose to be punched.
Charlotte31
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 Apr, 2012 09:22 pm
@DrewDad,
Quote:
What if a grown woman hits a grown man? Should he be allowed to "retaliate?"


Absolutely not. As adults, women aren't as strong and hard as men. A man hitting a woman can cause more damage than a woman hitting a man. To further complicate things, the woman could be pregnant without the gestation being visible. This puts two lives at risk when a man hits a woman.

Quote:
And a grown woman should be able to manage a child.


Most women are better at childcare than men. Women usually treat kids in a gender-neutral manner. Men, however, usually treat girls better than boys.
DrewDad
 
  4  
Reply Thu 26 Apr, 2012 09:35 pm
@Charlotte31,
Charlotte31 wrote:
Most women are better at childcare than men. Women usually treat kids in a gender-neutral manner. Men, however, usually treat girls better than boys.

In a word... bullshit.
cliffwill88
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 Apr, 2012 11:56 pm
@DrewDad,
Boys and girls were both to be taught not to hit anyone especially those kids that are inferior to them. I think that is the simplest thing we could do. Remind our children not to hurt anyone because it is wrong.
Setanta
 
  2  
Reply Fri 27 Apr, 2012 01:14 am
@chai2,
The OP's posts are rife with unsubstantiated and often hilarious claims and assumptions. This . . .

chai2 wrote:
I think little boys should be taught not to hit either boys or girls.


. . . is the closest approach to a succinct, sensible approach offered, with the minor quibble that " . . . little children should be taught not to hit . . . "
0 Replies
 
Setanta
 
  2  
Reply Fri 27 Apr, 2012 01:17 am
By the way, well-bred children (in the sense of how they are educated at home) are taught not to resort to violence, not to indulge meanness and pettiness, and to remain silent or walk away in the face of provocation. This has always been so, and this thread offers no innovation or profound insights. I see no reason to cast it in terms of gender.
DrewDad
 
  2  
Reply Fri 27 Apr, 2012 07:43 am
@Setanta,
Setanta wrote:

By the way, well-bred children (in the sense of how they are educated at home) are taught not to resort to violence, not to indulge meanness and pettiness, and to remain silent or walk away in the face of provocation.

I only disagree with the bit about "remain silent or walk away." A verbal confrontation often works wonders. "Be gentle with my body." "I don't like that."

We've always taught our kids that if someone's being a bully, it's OK to be "fierce like a lion."

One great moment was when 3-year-old Yaya was going down a slide, and big kid (9?) was walking up it. They met in the middle, and the big kid tried to bully Yaya. Yaya firmly said, "No! You're going the wrong way!" Big kid looked non-plussed, then turned around and got out of Yaya's way.
sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 Apr, 2012 07:51 am
@DrewDad,
Go Yaya!
0 Replies
 
Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 Apr, 2012 08:53 am
@DrewDad,
I don't see anything wrong with that--i also don't see what the kid was doing as willful provocation, just ordinary dumb kid stufff.
Ceili
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 Apr, 2012 08:56 am
@cliffwill88,
I agree with Drew Dad completely.

Cliff, inferior really? Since when are any kids inferior, weaker maybe, but not inferior.
0 Replies
 
DrewDad
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 Apr, 2012 09:32 am
@Setanta,
I'm not sure that bullying necessarily has to be "willful provocation."

"Willful" in terms of being stubborn, and trying to get your way at the expense of others, maybe.

But a big kid trying to push around a little kid is definitely a form of bullying.
Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 Apr, 2012 10:03 am
@DrewDad,
I did not get the sense from your post that that was what was going on. Of course, i was not there, so, whatever you say.
0 Replies
 
 

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