The People Watching Capital of the World

Reply Sat 7 Feb, 2004 09:48 am
Last night I ventured into the Cantab Lounge in Cambridge, to see the always entertaining-surprised he's still kickin' Little Joe Cook and the Thrillers.

While Lil' Joe was entertaining as always, the entertainment didn't stop there. I didn't realize that the annual uglypeople.com convention was being held there last night.

First, you had homeless-looking drunk guy who kinda looked like a combination of Johnny Damon and Ponch from CHIPS on a bad drug trip. Walks up to our table speaking his native tounge, drunken ebonics/gibberish. Apparently he didn't like our jokes questioning him casting spells on us and his heroin habits, because he was crying as he was escorted away from our table by a bouncer.

Once the music went underway, woman with the femullet and eyebrows the size of old school tv remote controls appears. I mean, seriously. Trim those things. The bowl haircut wasn't helping her cause either. And in her posse was Big head tits. This guy, probably one of the most feminine humans with a penis, appeared to be going along with his estrogen treatments very nicely with those 11 year old girl buds popping through the 2 sizes too small t-shirt. Not to mention the head a few sizes too big for the body. Laughs all around there.

Now, the fun didn't stop at the Cantab. One of my friends made the discovery there was a nightclub under the Cantab, called the "Thirdrail." DJ Turn Ta Bill was spinning. My buddy checks it out, comes back us and informs us we must check out this quality joint.

What I didn't realize was the stairs walking down was actually a time machine. I was thrown back into the 80's. $10 for two beers+two shots. Woman sitting at the bar in Paula Abdul circa 1989 gear. DJ Turn Ta Bill, you ask? There must have been a contest to see which bar(cantab or thirdrail) would have the oldest MC. This guy had to be AT LEAST 75 years old, wearing a Kango hat backwards, purple Aruba t-shirt, spinning White Lines and other quality songs I would use as frisbees if they were on a cd. He kept leaving the DJ booth, I think he was frequently changing his Depends(I kid, I kid....guy's having fun, hope I'm doing something other than hanging out at Old Country Buffet when I'm a fossil).

Oh, and the broads sucked as well. One girl dancing on the floor was bascially replicating her Taebo tape. I was very close to walking up and displaying my crane kick stance. However, the hardest I laughed was when this fat, ugly, pasty, 60-something year old white woman-thing walked by dancing, and proceeded to back her ass up into my buddy who was sitting on a bar stool.

So next "Where do I go when I'm in Boston" question pops up, you gotta send them to Thirdrail.

Guess you had to be there.
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Reply Sat 7 Feb, 2004 09:55 am
Hey Slap, keep in mind, if it was uglypeople night - you were there too! I pop into the Cantab once in a while but I don't recall the extreme homliness you desribe. Guess you're right. You had to be there.
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Reply Sat 7 Feb, 2004 10:02 am
Having been there myself, it generally isn't full of pretty people.

I can't believe you're telling the world that you made some poor guy cry, Slap.
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Reply Sat 7 Feb, 2004 10:33 am
Sounds like a you had a bad dream...gotta watch what you eat before you go to bed.
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Slappy Doo Hoo
Reply Sat 7 Feb, 2004 11:57 am
littlek wrote:
I can't believe you're telling the world that you made some poor guy cry, Slap.

Ironically, I made a girl cry there, too...well, like the drunk guy, she wasn't exactly the epitome of mental stability. That was the chick who confessed her suicide attempt to me, then wasn't happy because I didn't want to be her boyfriend.

Cantab ROCKS!
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Reply Sat 7 Feb, 2004 12:55 pm
I had a similar experience Thursday before last. A friend was visiting from Wisconsin and he wanted to meet some women. When he didn't have any luck at "Cityplace" (I still can't figure out why not), I took him to a place called "Club Safari". Club Safari is an "80's through today" dance club attached to the Marriot Hotel that is legendary for being the biggest meat-market in the Palm Beaches. Pewee Herman could score there. As we walked through the club; the attention factor was unbelievableĀ… This must be how rock stars feel. I was hit on at least 5 times before I even made it to the bar. I instinctually knew something must be wrong. It did strike me as odd that I wasn't the least bit attracted to anyone I'd seen yet. As I looked around the bar, I didn't see a single person I found attractive. So I wandered over to the huge dance floor, which was overflowing with people having what appeared to be the time of their lives (reminiscent of a scene from "Shallow Hal"), but still no one caught my eye. All the while my buddies sarcastically thanking me for taking him to such a happening place. That's when it hit's me. My buddy and I are the youngest people in the place by at least 10 years! I go over to the bar and ask "is there some kind of theme tonight I should be aware of? The Bartender almost fell over laughing. When she caught her breath; she informed me that Thursday is 50's and 60's night. I'll say this: There is no excuse for retirees to be lonely here in Palm Beach. When looking at it from the proper light, Club Safari is a goldmine for single people in that age bracket on Thursday nights.
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Slappy Doo Hoo
Reply Sat 7 Feb, 2004 03:21 pm
That's great. So did your buddy get some saggy ass that night, or what?
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Reply Sat 7 Feb, 2004 05:26 pm
You guys sure know how to have a good time, lol!
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Reply Sat 7 Feb, 2004 05:30 pm
Poor Slappy...hard times, trollin' for chicks and comin' up empty.
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Slappy Doo Hoo
Reply Mon 9 Feb, 2004 09:10 am
I definitely was not trolling for chicks there. Times haven't been THAT desperate since high school.
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