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Tue 3 Feb, 2004 09:50 am
I am not so sure if i am putting this in the right spot or not, but it is concerning a couple of things. Four months ago, i got a phone call at 2:30 in the morning. It was my older sister, i got the horrible news that my 17 year old cousin was just shot in the chest and was killed. I broke into hysterics. I couldn't breath, the next couple of days were the hardest of my life. My cousin and i were so close, we were always together when we were little and as we grew we sort of grew apart. We still talked on email and on the phone every here and there. Right before the accident, i had talked to him over the internet, he said that he had gone camping with his Dad and gotten in trouble with the law. He really wanted to see me. But i never made the time to go see him. I knew he was in trouble and i didn't make the time. What if i did make the time? Right after i got the phone call the stories were different and complicated, my cousin, his sister and his sister's boyfriend were supposedly sitting in his room and they didn't think the gun was loaded and the sister's boyfriend shot him. He did instantly. I was so angry at the kid for the longest time, and a part of me still is. At the funeral - it made me sick to my stomach to see him. People tell me i shouldn't feel that way, but i do. I hate that kid for taking my cousin's life. Am i wrong for feeling this way? I don't know how to feel, i just wonder what if i had gone to him...would he still be here today?
I wanted to start a fund, or something in my cousin's honor. Some sort of group - that teaches teens the results of just "messing around" with a gun. Any idea's ? Suggestions?
I think you are punishing yourself for something which you likely could not have prevented. I see nothing pathological in your cousin's behavior which lead to an accidental shooting. I understand that you regret not having made the time to see him, but cannot think it would have prevented this accident.
I think that honoring your cousin with some sort of teaching foundation to try to get through to teenagers the dangers of firearems, the message that they are not toys, would be a very good idea indeed. I hope that you will take some action on this, if only for the soothing of your sore heart. I am sorry that i don't feel clever enough to offer you any concrete ideas.
Go here.
http://tnugent.com/about_tnusa/
You may not agree with the politics, but the TNUSA organization is all about getting people back in touch with nature, learning about and respecting firearms, and caring about and putting people first.
My condolences on your loss BlueEyes82.
I'm not sure where you are located but there are several options for an educational type of situation as you describe. You could try contacting local gun clubs or talk to some people in a gun shop and find out what is available in your area. Someone like a high school Guidence Counsler may have some ideas too.
You have my deepest sympathies BlueEyes. Please don't beat yourself up over this as there is nothing you could have done to prevent this from happening.
Starting a group sounds like a good idea. Anything that will help people learn about the dangers of guns is always a good thing.
BlueEyes - may I just comment that the "what ifs" you are tormenting yourself with - and the anger with the kid who (I think) - pulled the trigger are both perfectly normal, if mistaken, reactions?
We all do the "what if I had....", "if only I had....." stuff with any death - but particularly with a sudden death. It is a predictable reaction to a death. Ok? It is like a reflex. Just accept it as such - like a cold - but don't let yourself dwell on it.
Also - anger is a normal part of grief - whether it is directed at the deceased, yourself, or the kid with the gun. No way of avoiding it - just ride with it, and see it for what it is.
Being from overseas, I cannot advise you re the group - but it sounds great. Good luck!
I have this one friend that we are so close that we could be sisters. She had an older brother that was only 21 having some troubles with his marriage and had a little girl that my mom watches so I saw him everyday. Come to find out he shot himself and he died. I never thought that it would hurt so bad. People keep telling me that I should just get over it because he wasn't a blood relative but they don't know how close we all were. It still kind of hurts and it has been about a week now since the funeral. But right now they are trying to figure out if he did it on purpose or not. But I felt the same way you did. If I were you yes I would try to make a support group or something in his honor because I would do the same thing. But I don't really have any suggestions on how you would do it. But I wish you lots of luck.
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