Losing Isn't Winning

I don't understand why I am obligated to feel disappointed in any circumstances. Even if I went into a competition believing I should win, and striving my hardest to win, my emotional state after I don't win is nobody's business but mine.

What's the big deal? I don't have to feel disappointed if I don't choose to.

Re: kids, it's all about self-esteem these days. Oh, make sure they don't feel blah-blah, or good heavens even bloo bloo. It might have repercussions. Oh really? Well, of course it will. But that's p art of life and we have to learn to deal.

It's an artificial world you're raising your kinds in, thank god my kids are raised already. I don't know why this self-esteem thing is more important today than 20 or 30 or even 40 yrs ago. But suddenly it is. Losing is a part of life - deal with it. And one way is to change your attitude about winning/losing.

My kids are are just fine thank you very much. There is nothing more annoying someone telling you how you aren't raising your kids correctly, especially people who have never met you or your kids. But since you brought up my kids, and since I am very proud of my kids, let me tell you about them.

One of my kids is very athletic and very competitive. When he played, he played to win and he excelled in multiple sports. He tried out and earned a place on the most competitive team and had to learn to control his frustration when he lost (a very important lesson for him to learn).

My other kid was not athletic and not competitive at all. We had him do sports, but winning wasn't very important to him. Socializing was important to him. As he grew he stopped playing competitive sports and focused on the things that made him happy.

Both of them are now grown and living successful happy lives.In fact my kids are more successful and happier than your kids, so I win again -- deal with it.

Your argument is ridiculous. Disappointment is one way to deal with "losing", accepting it is another way to deal with it. Each of us deal with thing differently, the idea that everyone has to learn to deal the way that that you deal is clearly wrong.

You have got things all backwards. Self-esteem is not a bad thing, and disappointment is not a good thing.

Not winning a game or competition makes you the loser. It does not make you a loser. I see an enormous difference.

max, This thread is not a game. Not a contest. Not a competition. You're winning? Winning what? If you're involved in somthing and don't care about winning, then why concern yourself with winning this thread?

I have a sister and a brother in law who are about the most selfish and physically fit people on the planet... They have no time for children... They fret for the future... They look at the poor and less able with contempt, or at best, tolerance... They can win some races I can only run, but they don't even compete in the area of Social Darwinism... They are physically fit, but unfitted to pass on their genes... They consider themselves morally supperior, but count for nothing, and when the tally of their lives is made, it will be found they gave less to society than they took with them to the grave...

The whole dynamic of Capitalism is wrong... That society is made up of one winner and so many losers... It is like a big fish in a pond eating all the small fish, but if that really happened, then the big fish would starve... If instead, it is the big fish eating the labor of the small fish, then he will reach a point of eating the rights of the small fish, and then consuming them whole... The social dynamic of all the people encouraging each other and making the best of themselves, of making one kind society, of all crossing the finish line alive and well is better... A people united and cooperating can beat any other sort of people, and in our athletics as in every endeavor, we should encourage, encourage, encourage... Medals are cheap... People should get them for first place and last, for oldest and youngest, for being the most fit, and the most maimed, for trying... At fifty eight, and I ran my last race on thanksgiving, finishing without stopping was total and unlimited victory... I beat a lot of younger men with a suck time, and three out of four 70 year old guys beat me... I beat myself... Every day I hurt, and start and finish most days with ibupropen.. If anyone had told me I would feel this good and be in this sort of shape when I was thirty I would not have believed them, and I would likely not have thanked them... I say: I am too young to hurt so much, but my youth is my health, and my pain is the price I pay for my health, and when I was less healthy, I was paying a lot more in pain, and depression... So, to me it is never about one winner... Everyone who finds the git up and go to get up and went is a winner to me...

I guess that means you are the winner...

Roberta,

I don't think anyone is disagreeing with your technical definition of words. By any technical dictionary definition the person who does not win according to the rules is a loser.

I agree that you are technically right. I just don't think it is important. The real question here is who cares? I don't understand your need to have everyone publicly proclaim that you won and admit that they lost?

My philosophy is to focus on the things that are important. These include the company of friends, doing your best and enjoying.

I am sorry, but the fact that you got the most twiddly winks in your cup just isn't that important to me.

It means that I am a winner. I see an enormous difference.

People do not chose their feelings, but they can better assimilate them if they are willing to face them and feel them... The whole thing of winning it to bring out the best in people, and to coax that last little bit of try out of them... The whole thing of competing is to shake free of the ennui of life, and have some fun, and true fun is almost impossible without challenge... The reason people make mountains of mole hills is because the plane is too plain... We all need mountains to climb and dragons or giants to slay, and we are too short of dragons and giants to let them go for sport...

Not competing, not trying, hoisting the white flag before the enemy fires a shot is what makes losers... Those who give nothing, who do not train nor try are losers because they get even less from life than they invest, and everyone else gets more...

That wasn't my point, exactly. My point was that I think they're encouraged to say things that will get an emotional reaction from the viewer. A reaction like "you did not WIN anything, you idiot." (Or "you are so sweet, I'm sad you had to leave <sniff>")

It's more satisfying to see villains leave if they stay villainous through their exit interview (or whatever those post-elimination sit-downs that are featured in most reality shows are called).

It's a song/story of a young bar fighter who challenges an old broken up bar fighter to a fight... I am sure there is a lesson there, but I still try to stay ready for trouble... I just don't look for it any more... And I guess that means I'm the winner...

Well, I'm sorry that you see things that way. I'm just a non-zero-sum-game kinda guy.

That's very good, Fido.

Thanks... I like your face.

I wasn't talking about you or your kids. You're awfully sensitive. And I didn't even bother reading the stuff you wrote about them because I don't care.

Aw

Re: kids, I think you exaggerate too much.

Cycloptichorn

True. We never see the exit question, just the losing contestant's statement/answer.

So, if a losing chef on a cooking reality show says, "I didn't deserve to lose! Those judges are stupid!", who knows how many questions it took the interviewer to get him to that statement. Probably mentioning the judges lol.

Just ask Charlie Sheen....

Exactly.

Actual interview:

Interviewer: So, you were just kicked out.

Contestant: [sullen] Yeah.

Interviewer: How do you feel?

Contestant: Well, you know, it sucks to be eliminated but it was a good experience overall I think.

Interviewer: What's your reaction to the judge's critique of your souffle?

Contestant: [Annoyed] That bothered me, I really didn't think it was that bad.

Interviewer: Tom said "that was the worst souffle I've ever had in my life."

Contestant: [Simmering] Yeah.

Interviewer: Gail said something off camera, did you catch her? She was wondering why you were even allowed on the show.

Contestant: [Boiling over] You know what, I cooked my heart out on this show and I tried that souffle and it was delicious and the judges are deluded. There was no way I should have been kicked off for that souffle, Angela's was laying there like a cow patty, are you kidding me?

----- What we see on TV:

Angela, in stew room: Poor Contestant, it just won't be the same around here without him.

cut to:

Contestant: You know what, I cooked my heart out on this show and I tried that souffle and it was delicious and the judges are deluded. There was no way I should have been kicked off for that souffle, Angela's was laying there like a cow patty, are you kidding me?