Shy

I've seen many children act the very same way around people, but eventually grew out of it. I wouldn't worry about it at all.

Welcome to A2K by the way :-D

My cousins son was that way around people (me included) right up until this year and he's now 6 years old. He was so shy around me that I use to wonder why because I was always so nice to him. When I use to talk to him, he wouldn't answer me back and he gave me dirty looks as if to say that I had a lot of nerve talking to him, haha, but now he comes right over to me and talks up a storm. He shows me all the cool stuff he got for Christmas and he thinks I'm way cool because I play video games with him. You'd never think this was the same kid that gave me all the dirty looks not very long ago.

I'd be willing to bet that your daughter will also grow out of it in no time ;-)

Yep, this is not uncommon at that age. I think the main thing to do, as Montanta indicated as well, is just not force it. Let her have her space, don't let relatives make her uncomfortable, be there for her. I think that if you force it, a) the immediate results won't be good, and b) it might have actual detrimental effects down the line. If you just help her feel secure, and show her your OWN liking for your family, she'll come around. By "help her feel secure" I mean don't let family members pressure her, go ahead and hold her if she wants to be held, include her in conversations, and generally let her take her time.

My daughter, who is now three, is an incredibly social beastie. She LOVES being the center of attention. But there was a time when she really needed to warm up to people, at her own pace, and if she felt hurried along she would just clam up.

Welcome to A2K!

Yes, some children are just shy...and it's ok...they do grow out of it.
Don't let other people frustrate you and make you feel like there is something wrong with her. When she does act shy don't make excuses for her either by saying....she just woke up or she tired. Just tell them shes a shy one they will understand. Sounds like she really loves you, like you are her comfort zone. Just know that it is ok and she will eventually blossom!! I have 3 children and my middle one who is now 4 1/2 use to be the exact same way. I'm sure its embarassing for you at times but don't let it bother you. I learned with 3 kids that they are all different and shyness is just something that they will eventually grow out of. Good Luck

Your daughter is a bit of an introvert with good dallops of both curiosity and caution. She's every aware of a complicated situation and would rather observe right now than participate.

Tell your family that she's watching...and learning....and remembering!

If you believe that your right knee is the most fascinating place in the world, for the rest of your daughter's life she will be twined around your right knee. If you think the world has much to offer and give her permission to explore (once she gets her courage up), she'll explore.

Welcome to A2K.

BlueEyes82,

I agree with everyone.

But I must add that parents should never force their child to become like them. You talk to her and say you understand that she loves you and likes to hug on to you and you love her to and that your family loves her also. That it is okay to love them to. Just don't be forceful. Allow her to come around in her time. Just be supportive at all times.

I can only speak from my own personal experience with this issue. I was shy for years. No one that met me today would ever believe that! Now, I start conversation with complete strangers and love meeting new people. It took me well into adulthood to conquer shyness.

I believe shyness always relates to self confidence. It could be a lack of confidence in only social skills. It could go deeper, as it did with me. It creates kind of a phobic situation in social settings. If you don't feel confident, reasonably socially skilled, or have a little deeper self confidence issues, it is very uncomfortable when confronted with people who are outgoing or even friendly. It makes a shy person feel even more inadequate and they back off every time.

Again, I am speaking only from personal experience. Some kids do grow out of it and a lot of us don't. I would define growing out of it, no matter what age, as gaining more confidence in yourself at some point in time, which makes a shy person finally come out of their shell and stop being so reserved around people.

For me, it took a very long time, like about 30 years or more to be completely unreserved and have the ability to initiate conversation with a stranger. I have come a long way! I was under the mistaken belief that I had to please everyone, which is impossible. I undervalued my own thoughts and ideas mistakenly thinking those who are not shy, which always brings social popularity, had something more of value in thought than I did. I thought that I had to conform. I was so wrong, but didn't know it for years because of my own lack of self confindence.

I always worried so much more about what others thought than my own thoughts. Everyone has valid thoughts. This, I didn't know. I thought self confident, friendly, and outgoing people who are socially competent had more to offer than I did. I felt inferior to them. I would withdrawal socially, as I always did.

One day, something inside me just snapped. I was angry with my co-workers, who I felt treated me poorly, as well as other new employees. I knew it wasn't just me or a dislike of me. They treated every new employee like this.

It was a new job. I would try to participate in an ongoing conversation. They acted like they didn't hear a thing. They were only interested in their own little clique of friends and did not exactly welcome a new person. It wasn't just me, it was anyone new. That gave me confidence enough to change.

I finally found something that gave me social confidence. This was a drastic and scary move for a shy person, but I started initiating conversation with new employees. I would approach them and offer any help they needed to learn their job. This was a horrifying thought to me. I wouldn't talk to anyone unless they spoke first. I finally had a good reason to stop being afraid of social situations, helping new employees adjust.

I would advise that shyness doesn't always go away. Teach a young child appropriate manners. Simple things, like making eye contact and saying hello to a visitor. Teach children some basic social skills. Teach them what is considered rude towards others, like ignoring a person speaking to them. Insist on polite behavior. Give them ideas and suggestions on how to handle social situations. Encourage them that they are worthy individuals. No one's thoughts or ideas are necessarily better than another, just different is all.

Shy people do need a bit of a shove. Large groups of people are like feeding them to lions. Start small, which is much more comfortable to them. Never allow them to be rude and excuse this behavior as shyness. Expose them to socialization at a level they can handle and work with them. This is the only way they will gain self confidence and conquer fear, which shyness is.

It may be something to be concerned about. I would advise to keep an eye on the situation. It may not go away. Be ready to guide your child through this one.

I had the same problem with my daughter. My son is the complete opposite, a social butterfly. I, of all people, know what shyness is and it's not fun at all. I wouldn't ever allow her to be rude to people and insisted that she show basic polite behavior towards others at a young age. She is reserved at 13, but the situation could be a lot worse for her if I didn't help her with social issues. Reserved is ok. Rude, excusing it because of shyness, is not acceptable and only becomes a continuing pain for years.

I was shy when I was young and my five year old is shy too. Understanding how she feels, when she tells me she did not tell her teacher something or try to play with a group of children because she feels shy, I tell it is o-k to feel shy. I also will encourage her to participate and speak up for herself by explaining how best to handle a certain situations. I also try to give her opportunities to boost her confidence. For example, taking dance classes and attending Pre-Kindergarten. I also encouraged her to raise her hand to participate on stage at a museum. She did and was chosen. She was obviously shy on stage, but every one of these experiences will boost her confidence. Start small, like playing one on one with another child or go to the local library for story time. Each opportunity where she interacts with others will boost her confidence. Even though it is o-k to be shy, you can sometimes miss out or be overlooked if you do not speak up for yourself so I do think it is important to at the very least be confident to speak when you need something.

Great advice Linkat!!!