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Thu 11 Aug, 2011 01:05 pm
On another thread, about narcissistic spouses, a poster (new only one post) said that.
Before starting this thread, I googled the words "I live for my children" and got the typical forums about how I'd die for them, I do everything I can for them, etc. etc.
Well, yeah, for most people it would be instinctual, or at least a choice made in an instant to take a bullet/get hit by a truck by jumping in front of your kid. I'm not talking about that.
People do that for others they don't even know though. If you jumped in front of that car for your own kid, I would hope you'd do it with the hope you'd survive also.
If you say, "I don't care, it wouldn't matter", Oh yes it would. Ask the kid.
Saying "I live for my children" sounds a tad dramatic, and not at all healthy. Sounds like the person doesn't have any, or very little, sense of self.
If they died, what would you live for then?
We've all read or heard about the feelings about children throughout the ages. I'm not talking about the "children should be seen and not heard" stuff. I'm talking about things like during various times, in the not so distant past, 1 out of 3, children did not survive to their 5th birthday. They weren't loved less. It was just the times. I'm sure it happened all the time that in order to help the stronger children live, the weaker were let go, allowed to die. Better for the whole.
I'm wondering how someone from an age of high child mortality would react to someone saying I live for my children.
Even today, all people can do is their best, but **** happens. Would you "live for your children" to the extent your own health was compromised to the point you couldn't care for them? You can't take care of someone unless you take care of yourself, and live for more than just them.
I'm just sayin'
No I do not and never have lived for my kids. In addition, my kids were part of family, not the major focus of it. And unlike today, I spanked mine a couple of times. I did not try to be their friend; I did not want to be their friend. I was their mother and they had better listen up when I get that tone.
Today's parents seem so much more kid-oriented and I think a lot of it is unhealthy. They don't want them to lose or fail or suffer; how the heck are they going to deal in the real (adult) world unless they learn how to cope as they grow? These parents might live for their kids - it'd be interesting to see an age breakdown on the answers.
Okay, I'm 53 and would NOT live for my kids (or grandkids). Next?
@chai2,
This touches a cord - why - not because of "I live for my children" - but my parents that live for their grandchildren.
When we were going to relocate - I find out that my parents live for their grandchildren. It really made me sad and angry. One - their my kids not theirs; and two - you gotta have something else in your life.
You raise your kids so they can be independent. What the heck happens as they grow older and do not need you? You want them to be hanging out with you to make you happy?
I love my children too much to do that to them.
@chai2,
the has nothing to with the kids or the well being of the kids, this is about the need to be a martyr. I used to work with a woman who was always running around and who would several times a week let her co-workers know that she really needed to take a leak but that she was too busy....same thing.
I have read about successful people (career-wise) who became severely depressed over the death of a child and never recovered.
In Chinese culture the three greatest tragedies are: to have both parents die when you are still very young, to have your spouse die when you are middle-aged, and to have your children die when you are old. Outliving your children is considered a tragedy in Chinese culture.
@Linkat,
Yes, I remember you writing about that, actually. You were really struggling with that. They need to get some hobbies - or a dog
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