CREEPY SOCIAL MEDIA

@High Seas,

" O, what a tangled web we weave
when first we practice to deceive." Sir Walter Scott

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Some here seem to forget that children - and teens for that matter - are not logically thinking adults. They are gullible, naive and trustworthy, especially
when it comes to their peers or "so called" peers.

I coach and explain to my kid all the pitfalls of the internet to the point where she can recite every word of mine, only to turn around and befriend some "friend of friend" who is supposedly her own age and shows a teen avatar picture. The point is, kids are kids and they need to be protected and the last thing any of us want, is that they're exploited in social venues like facebook.

Several of my daughter's friends have sent me friend requests and I accepted (I am honored actually), and I do get friend suggestions from their friend lists - something that never should happen. These are still minors,
regardless if I befriend one of them or not. Minors should not show up on anyone's friend suggestion list, period!!

3 Replies

@CalamityJane,

CalamityJane wrote:

Minors should not show up on anyone's friend suggestion list, period!!

This is the real issue. Facebook should at least set parameters for their suggested lists. It is different if a child you really know asks to be friended.

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@High Seas,

High Seas wrote:

jespah wrote:

....... there are also open groups devoted to cycling, and frankly you could say you loved cycling or attended Barnard College and no one would check either) or provide the email address that they used to sign up for LinkedIn.

Frankly, it's not much of a solution, and it cramps the style of those of us who are trying to network and move outside of our personal inner circle -- which is precisely what networking is all about....

I question that; if someone falsely claims a degree from Barnard - or anyplace - maybe nobody will check today; but the claim will remain on the servers forever, and on the day someone does check for whatever reason the original poster will be outed as a liar and a fraud. People have had to resign for less.

True, but these are LinkedIn groups, and people can come and go as they please. No history is made available so, in theory, someone could claim they went to Barnard today, get some connections, then quit the group tomorrow (that info in buried in the database and isn't shown on screen -- how many people would even suspect something like that?). Few would check or care -- and even fewer would care if it was a cycling group or the like, yet people are still getting their networking done under what are, essentially, false pretenses.

I have little doubt that there are people in the Red Sox fans group who are not fans. They join in order to expand their circle, and I do understand the impulse. And it's not as serious as claiming you went to Barnard or worked somewhere (I've had people approach me for linking who claim to have worked with me -- heh, no, you didn't), yet it is still an unverified (and in that case, unverifiable) claim.

1 Reply

@sozobe,

I'm actually finding lots of stuff.

But, as Jane says further on, getting kids to see it as relevant in practice....

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@CalamityJane,

CalamityJane wrote:

Some here seem to forget that children - and teens for that matter - are not logically thinking adults.

My goodness! What an INSULT to children. U shoud be ashamed.
I still feel like I am the same kid (on the inside) just fatter, older and uglier on the outside.

CalamityJane wrote:

They are gullible, naive and trustworthy, especially
when it comes to their peers or "so called" peers.

People are gullible at all ages.
I learned, when I was 11, NEVER to trust ANYONE, (especially not my "so-called peers") with more than I am willing to LOSE.
At that time, I learned that skepticism is a great & valuable virtue
and trust shoud be kept to an absolute minimum.

CalamityJane wrote:

I coach and explain to my kid all the pitfalls of the internet to the point where she can recite every word of mine, only to turn around and befriend some "friend of friend" who is supposedly her own age and shows a teen avatar picture.

Maybe she does not accept your reasoning.

CalamityJane wrote:

The point is, kids are kids and they need to be protected and the last thing any of us want, is that they're exploited in social venues like facebook.

As long as she neither reveals any personal information,
nor meets anyone in the real world (at least not without a bodyguard), there appears no threat to security.

CalamityJane wrote:

Several of my daughter's friends have sent me friend requests and I accepted (I am honored actually),
and I do get friend suggestions from their friend lists - something that never should happen. These are still minors,
regardless if I befriend one of them or not. Minors should not show up on anyone's friend suggestion list, period!!

So far as I am aware, no child has sent me any friend request,
but I converse the same with anyone and everyone (unless I dislike his personality) regardless of age.

I do not believe that its good to discriminate qua age (young nor old).
When I was a kid, I 'd have taken that as a severe personal insult.

David

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@sozobe,

The Facebook bullying...is that as much an issue in the US as it is here?

3 Replies

@dlowan,

dlowan wrote:

The Facebook bullying...is that as much an issue in the US as it is here?

In my limited experience with Face Book,
I have never been bullied.

David

1 Reply

@OmSigDAVID,

It's a kid thing David....gets extremely serious here....(not just FB, texting and all that sort of stuff gets used as a way of extending the reach of bullying.)

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@dlowan,

I have no point of comparison, but it's a huge problem in North America. In sevedral cases, it's been blamed for teen suicides.

1 Reply

@Setanta,

Ah,,,same as here then.

1 Reply

Nova Scotia Facebook bullying case

The family sues in the Nova Scotia FB bullying case

A Winnipeg case in which a boy was bullied and beaten in front of witnesses, and then a video was posted on Facebook

Ontario case leads to criminal charges

The Wikipedia page on cyberbullying

It took ten times as long to compose this post as it did to find these articles.

0 Replies

@dlowan,

I visited Austrailia in the 1980s.
I did not see much cultural difference
except that cab drivers wanted me to sit in the front.

David

0 Replies

@wandeljw,

Kids are sneaky that way. My niece has a FB account she is nine. My 12 year old asked me if she could when she turns 13. I don't want her to - I will try to keep her from it as long as possible. I do not like to say straight out "Nos" as I understand why she would want it.

But I will need to see all the safety features and have strict rules if I decide to allow it.

Yeah it creeps me out and makes me not want to allow this even more.

1 Reply

An update on my situation: Now when there is a friend recommendation associated with this little girl, both mom and the girl are listed as mutual friends. It appears to me that mom went over her daughter's list and "friended" the people on that list (and perhaps "unfriended" people she considered inappropriate?).

Before all of this came up, and when there were only the three teen age girls on my friends list (two of whom are now of age), the frequency of friend suggestions associated with them was very low--one or two a week. That makes this spate of friend suggestions of what are essentially little girls from that kid's friends list even creepier--why was i getting new suggestions like that virtually every time i opened my home page?

I used to think that these suggestions were tailored to my profile. About 90% or 95% (about 18 or 19 out of 20) suggestions were women, the majority of whom were roughly middle-aged, which is to say about my age. That didn't change much when the three teen agers became my FB friends, which convinced me even more that it was tailored to my profile.

But this whole incident with the little girl has completely stood all of that on its head. It just looks creepier and creepier the more i consider it

0 Replies

@dlowan,

You got some answers to that already... I haven't figured out how big of a deal it is locally. I didn't like some of the stuff I saw though.

The good news is that it IS visible -- so a parent can keep tabs on it. I'm sure there are all kinds of things that happen IRL that I don't know about that I also wouldn't like.

But my overall vibe was "not yet."

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@Linkat,

Linkat wrote:

Kids are sneaky that way.

Its NECESSARY to accomplish their desires.
If she told Face Book the truth of her age,
the reward for her so doing is defeat, rejection, & frustration.
Is that what she wants?? Few people do.

Linkat wrote:

My niece has a FB account she is nine. My 12 year old asked me if she could when she turns 13.
I don't want her to - I will try to keep her from it as long as possible. I do not like to say
straight out "Nos" as I understand why she would want it.

But I will need to see all the safety features and have strict rules if I decide to allow it.

Yeah it creeps me out and makes me not want to allow this even more.

Then, the results will depend on how intensely
she wishes to please U, as distinct from attaining her Internet
desires -- that and how creatively resourceful she is (or friends are).

If she is unable to satisfy her choice at HOME,
then will she have the mental ability to think of doing so off-premises
at a public computer, maybe in a cafe or in a library
or maybe in the house of a friend. Who knows? Time will tell.

Some people believe that Prohibitions work.
Other people see them as challenges.

David

1 Reply

@OmSigDAVID,

It also teaches them it is ok to lie.

1 Reply

@Linkat,

Linkat wrote:

It also teaches them it is ok to lie.

Remember, thay live in the same world that u do.

WHAT will u say,
if she asks u whether U have ever done it??
or whether her dad has ever done it in his lifetime ?

1 Reply

@OmSigDAVID,

Of course to tell her the truth - I often do things that are not right - swear for example. I've done it in front of my children - not often - but then I tell them I shouldn't have done that and it is wrong. Adults make mistakes too.

I do try to be honest - I do try to be kind - I do try not to lose my temper. All these are faults that I've displayed and unfortunately in front of kids. But I own up - and let them know we are not perfect. I try not do such things, but I get angry or make a mistake. But then I own up to it.

0 Replies

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