such was the draining and paralyzing horror of the Anne Murray, that even a cyberterminatrix was no match for the it, the deviant melody lines shredding the protective coating of her cyber circuits even as it stripped the organic sheaths from the central nervous systems in humans....this emergency called for one who had built a tolerance for such audio abominations over the years......
If all else fails Montana has a plan B. She has a secret other side to her that no one ever knew about. If someone could only give her a banana pop-sicle while singing Canadian man, she would turn into the famous Gezzy. Yes, that's right, Montana is no other than the promiscuous Gezzy who preys on married men.
(picking up where BiPolar left off) ... and that person strode into the room. He was a tall man with shimmering white hair, an unkempt beard, and a rather incongruous black eyepatch covered his left eye. He strode directly to the weeping Terminatrix, reached into his trenchcoat's inner pocket and produced a business card which he handed to the Terminatrix.
A plain white card with black letters which said...
Merry Andrew
Insurance quotes
Swimming Pool Cleaning
Cybernetic Terminatrix Breast Uplifts
"You can help?" said the now hopeful Terminatrix.
"Certainly", replied Merry Andrew as he reached into his trenchcoat and pulled out a white shimmering object which began to expand (not
that one.. this is a clean story) before the Terminatrix"s eyes.
It was some sort of mechanical device with an attached chair.
"Have a seat", said Merry Andrew, "we'll have you fixed up in no time."
The Terminatrix sat down, hope in her eyes.
Merry Andrew pushed a button and the machine began to whir....
Oldandknew & Letty in their plane are flying higher than a kite on Pure Stardust & faster than a runaway snail emblazoned by Rolling Rock.
"Could we slow down a bit" asked Letty as the symptoms of her secret illness, "Damsel in Distress" began to surface.
"Dinna fret yourself lassie" said Oldandknew
"My name is Letty, not Lassie. do I look like a dog ?"
Oldandknew kept his own council, but he knew that Letty was one sassy chick, just waiting for The Little Red Rooster to return. "Well do I" Letty asked again, urgently
"Not from my seat" confessed Oldandknew
"I should hope not. Now put some music on"
"OK. I'Ve got the AirMiles Classics with things like Fly Me To The Moon, 8 Miles High, or I have a whole Jefferson Airplane CD."
" The Jefferson Airplane" said Letty "And you got any Coke?"
"Sure have babe, you want it with a straw with it or you gonna roll up a Benjamin Franklin ?"
Letty replied in silence and snatched the coke.
Half an hour she looked out thru the open door of the plane and began waving franticaly.
"Look there's Gautam on his new Flatpack Flying Caddy Carpet"
"What color ?" asked Oldandknew
"Pretty close to being Technicolor & it's in stereo as well. He's playing Life On Marsl"
"Tell him to turn it up" yelled Oldandknew
Sailors fighting in the dance hall
Oh man! Look at those cavemen go
It's the freakiest show
Take a look at the Lawman
Beating up the wrong guy
Oh man! Wonder if he'll ever know
He's in the best selling show
Is there life on Mars?
"not when i was there last year" muttered Oldandknew as he slowly turned left into a black hole..........................................................
as oldandknew banks left toward the black hole of Calcutta, Letty closes her eyes in abject fear of flying in a plane and starts to sing:
Magic Carpet Ride
I like to dream yes, yes, right between my sound machine
On a cloud of sound I drift in the night
Any place it goes is right
Goes far, flies near, to the stars away from here
Well, you don't know what we can find
Why don't you come with me little girl
On a magic carpet ride
You don't know what we can see
Why don't you tell your dreams to me
Fantasy will set you free
Close your eyes girl
Look inside girl
Let the sound take you away
Last night I held Aladdin's lamp
And so I wished that I could stay
Before the thing could answer me
Well, someone came and took the lamp away
I looked around, a lousy candle's all I found
Well, you don't know what we can find
Why don't you come with me little girl
On a magic carpet ride
Well, you don't know what we can see
Why don't you tell your dreams to me
Fantasy will set you free
Close your eyes girl
Look inside girl
Let the sound take you away,
My way of marking until I can think of something really good.
Letty hold onto your pants girl, there is an oasis in the black hole & it's got cable tv, plenty of social lotion to drink & ciggies galore. In fact everything your heart desires
Gautam's magic carpet had indeed come in handy! Fortunately for the group in Samarkand, he had brought a room-sized rug, not a doormat, so Eva, drom, jespah, Dys & Diane would all fit, too. Soaring above the turquoise domes of Samarkand, Gautam steered the carpet south toward Calcutta.
Gliding smoothly above the mountains and rivers of his homeland, Gautam spotted Letty and OaK's plane, which was spiraling downward in a smoky, Jimi-Hendrix-purple haze. "Hey!" Gautam shouted to the woozy pilot.
"Whatcha doin' here, old boy?" the OaKman shouted back.
Gautam pointed toward the ground, which was quickly rising to meet the nose of OaK's plane. OaK's vision momentarily cleared, and he pulled the plane out of its spin and quickly negotiated a bumpy if safe landing.
Once on the ground, Letty and OaK were embraced by the magic carpet group. "We need to get to Burkina Faso as soon as possible," Eva explained. "Can we take the plane? We have some killer rug burns on our backsides after that ride from Uzbekistan. Anyway, Montana, Piffka and Edgar are being held captive by McGentrix and the evil Dr. Craven in Burkina Faso. We know where. I just hope we can get there before they begin torturing them. God only knows what they might do."
"The women there have been known to suffocate their enemies in their bosoms" explained OAK. One or two of the ladies blushed & one or two of the men politely cough after turning their heads away.
"There could be worse ways to go" said Dys. Diane said in a most regal voice. "We are not amused"
After too many Guinnesses, Letty starts to look really good to Oakman. Eva is flirting with Gautam but only because he has a magic carpet, and she soon decides that she can't make a good man go straight.
Gus is attempting to get the Grecian Formula out of his hair because he's been accused of looking like Trent Lott. The polar bear is switching over to live music because their are no plugs nor amps on the carpet.
It's becoming mayhem. People are becoming decadent and married men become easy prey.
What's this? What's this? Everyone is becoming bosom buddies.
"Yes but look out. There's a squadron of flying pigs coming towards us , led the cow with crumpled horn who is squadron leader" yelled Oak.
Gautam said the best defence was a mixture of apple sauce & a good strong vindaloo curry
The Bear has decided he's had a long life and is ready to die, and so begins to search out breasts with which to suffocate himself.......
Not pigs-- It's a murder of crows. and what is that that I see before me? It's McTag with Fiona looking daggers at his wandering ways. He has swapped the carpet for Mary Poppin's umbrella and is trying his best to sing "Singing in the Rain" ........
Oh, my. What's a maid in America supposed to do.
All this talk of bosoms....Gautam feels left out.
While all the others are flirting and carousing, Gautam (like a true banker) pulls out his PDA and begins calculating the cost of the magic carpets. There was this one here, of course, and the two he sent to Gus so the group in America could join them....hmmm...and the reweaving that would be needed on this one after this latest trip....hmmm....it totaled 1,650,000 British pounds. He'd better get SOME reward for all this trouble....
Ceili was finally able to escape for a few minutes. She knew the spacecraft was hovering above somewhere. They were waiting for the latest developments. She could now report to the benevolent leader of xictzar, Mapleleaf.
It seemed Montana's heart-rending Karaoke singing had somehow thrown a wrench into the time space continuum. Actually, it was a combination of Bear's Karoake"R"Us amplifications system and her haunting voice. It somehow bent sound and the consequence were severe. In order for the traveling orb to disengage from the earth's orbit, the situation had to be rectified.
So Ceili, began her report,
"I haven't been able to turn things around as of yet, and funnily, clothing seems to be necessary down hear." She shrugged.
"Ok, near as I can tell, this is the whole thing in a nutshell
The event occurred a few days ago, Bear panicked and along with the terrified littleK, they shang-highed Gus. The three of them brought Montana to a hospital and then Nurse Dlowan admitted the Siren. A Dr. Colourbook checked her in and then; a Dr. Clary further checked her. At this point, and interloper, a Dr. Craven interfered and assumed the case.
These doctors knew about the " Noah Incident", thank god Setanta was between them, how Frank cleaned up the situation and how Walter ran for his life. Based upon CDK's recommendation she was to be sent somewhere else(for up to 27 months)
because of a silly indiscriminate Columbian squirrel rules cartel.
At this point I was to learn all about missing under wires," she droned on
"Under wires??? Is this some sort of power source?"
"No sir, lightwizard, oh gracious right-hand man. Remind me to explain later, when i have more time."
"Go on then
"
"Y'sir, These humans turn to food and drink when in a crisis, Monger and Jes could think of very little, aside from cheese, Dy's and Diane the ever gracious hosts shared a Hennessey with cav, while Drom ordered greek. Gautam wanted Indian, preferably 6'4. Eva forgot herself and indulged. And still, all these humans found room for more food at Bushy Bill's Burger Bites. Then they met yet more humans, Jespah and Eva." She said with exasperation. "I don't understand how all these foreign nationals know each other???"
"We have to keep and eye on Eva, she turned Montana over to McGentrix, Piffka was the driver, at first, and I think she was on our side
because soon after I snuck in the van, the women were blindfolded by the worst of criminals, the blathering blatham.
After hours of traveling, we flew into the mysterious Burkina Faso and watched with horror at the handling of the hostages, particularly Edgar.
I didn't witness it alone though, EhBeth was there, one look at her calm façade and I knew she had a plan.
The sound of super sonic planes shocked me, I was amazed at the ballsiness of the 3 pilots walking toward me, especially after one had just walked away from a crash. Forming a cohesive team from these people would be easy. The determination on the faces of Phoenix, OldandKnew and Letty would lead even Bear and Gus to victory and inspire them to leave the immoral pleasures they seemed to find everywhere they went.
Farmerman showed up with unsubstantiated fears and Cav with more food, cannolis
.
I tripped and exposed my lower half, Bear - ever the gentleman dived to cover me and startled, I did my best Bruce Lee karate chop.
As I got up I spied, Lady 'O' lounging in the flimsiest of negligees, I had a feeling this cool bystander was somehow involved. I would have to keep an eye on her as well. Somehow, I think only a woman up to no good would keep henchmen
I witnessed craven's odd fascination with rodents first hand, and began to understand his madness. At this point, the hostages were able to escape, Was it coincidence? Wilso showed up at that very moment.
I think, he's not what he says he is, he has tried to sway the kidnapping blame unto centroles shoulders. And spinning stories while BBQing Salmon and telling tales about omega 3 clouds transmitting messages to Joe Nation and Princess Ash in Dan.
Do you think the fumes could have partially blocked the sound waves and caused continuum problem??? Oh great universal cerebral cortex, your magnificence... Mapleleaf." Ceili asked expectantly.
"By the way, I think I've found true happiness, you should get your wife a Hello kitty vibrator, heeeaaven
"
"Anyway
I kept hearing NOMAH!!, Then we saw Slappy, and I knew his evil mind was part of the kidnapping fiasco, how could it not be. The evil smirked painted across his face caused me to shudder, while memories of his infernal disco bounced round me head. But a worse fate was still to come, I soon learned hearing an Anne Murray karaoke song's was a fate worse than death.
At this point my SPIRITS were sagging and merry Andrew lifted them
.;-}
Then the whole crowd began to sing, Letty led them through several renditions of Magic Carpet Ride and wouldn't you know it, the skies turn tangerine with marshmallow clouds..
Now this is where the story meets the present, I've lost Montana in the melee; I can see gutam, in the distance, on the magic rug and the a2k gang hanging precariously to the sides. Bear and Gus are otherwise engaged trying to seduce Lady 'O', craven is waltzing with two squirrels and a hamster, McG is distracted with a political thread, Wilso is still cooking, Piffka and Edgar are plotting revenge, Drs. Colourbook and Clary are still fighting over their patient - they want her back, and nurse dowlan is busy smoking like a rabbit. EhBeth is still woozy, But it maybe due to the funky cheese Jes and Monger gave her.
I'll get back to you later, when I finally accomplished the musical mind meld. I now know the only way to save, planet xictzar, earth and Montana is to have another competition and right the wrongs. So all these characters need to find the perfect song, and sing it loud and cause the sound barrier to bounce back."
Later, your homogenousness" said ceili, hurriedly, she knew it was a long report. But it was time to get back to action
.
Oh, yeah and by the way, Burkino Faso is lovely. Wish you were here.
Ceili"
cry out in loud voice -------- "damson in this dress
My heart lies back beside the waters of India........................and in lying back, Letty sails off into the sunset crying..."Save me--Save me" Glub..glub...sleeping with the fishes.
Goodnight, neat people.
karoakeBeth continues, undaunted.
Beneath this snowy mantle cold and clean
The unborn grass lies waiting
for its coat to turn to green
The snowbird sings a song he always sings
And speaks to me of flowers
that will bloom again in spring
When I was young my heart was young then too
Anything that it would tell me,
that's the thing that I would do
But now I feel such emptiness within
For the thing that I want most in life
Is the thing I can't win
Spread your tiny wings and fly away
And take the snow back with you
Where it came from on that day
The one I love forever is untrue
And if I could you know
that I would fly away with you
The breeze along the river seems to say
That she'll only break my heart again
should I decide to stay
So little snowbird take me with you when you go
To that land of gentle breezes
where the peaceful waters flow
