AN OLD SAYING

Nells--

Welcome.

I had two sons and six stepsons and have learned that daughters-in-law can be a source of great joy. Of course, my youngest stepson is 30 now.

I take it your sons are now teenagers? You're in the hard years. Somewhere out there--probably floating around the internet--is a bumptious little tract, "How to cut the apron strings/umbilical cord"

The young idiots know that the cutting must be done and they tackle the job with sledge hammers and rusty razor blades and their own teeth and tongues (after you've seen that they had the Very Best Orthondia, too!).

A hundred years ago the process was "sowing wild oats". These days the oats is much wilder. At least one American Indian tribe sent their testosterone fueled boys, equipped with a knife and a water bag, out on a Vision Quest. The kids went out boys--and came back men.

You'll survive, Nells. Look at your gray hair and know that you've earned every single strand.

Hold your dominion.

OLD SAYING
THANK-YOU FOR THOSES WORDS I KNOW I WILL BE FINE,JUST NOW AND AGAIN YOU DO FEEL SORRY FOR YOURSELF. MUST BE BECAUSE OF THE TIME OF THE YEAR

Nell--

When your Dearly Beloved Baby Boys are hacking and whacking in an effort to gain independence--with precious little consideration for your feelings--you are entitled to feel mildly martyred.

Actually, you could qualify for Medium Martyrdom, but medium sighs of suffering really alienate your Very Own Flesh and Blood.

Also, your boys are probably at odds with their sire--locking horns with the Old Bull of the Herd is a Rite of Passage--and hell for the spectators. Men tend to take Uprising Sons very personally.

Ages 14-16 are the worst. About 16-16 1/2 (just as they begin to dither about the rest of their lives) they become more civil.

Don't be an Understanding Doormat. Be an Understanding Mother.

This too shall pass. Hold your dominion.

O MY GOODNESS

I have 3 boys who are all extremely close in age...
5 yrs., 4 yrs. and 2 yrs.
I've read both of your posts and I am freaking out!!!
I knew I was going to have to prepare for a large grocery bill and going thru 3 gallons of milk a day when they get older, but what in the world have we here!!!!!
Can you give me other advice/stories/rites of passage that I will have to look forward to? Until now I always fantasized about what it would be like to have girls calling the house for them but never dreamed they would push me aside during that time in their lives....how scary....I guess thats reality though. And YES, I have heard that saying.....about boys leaving you once they are married. I hope I luck out and get great daughter-in-laws!!!

thanks for reading this topic. I hope you do get great daughter-inlaws. Sorry if it did look a bit scary, but that does not mean it could be like that for you.

Think of the time in the future, when you are holding your first granchild, it can be an even better feeling, from when you had your first baby

Good luck to all of you mothers of sons. That Noddy is one wise dame, huh?

Eoe--

Thanks. Hold your dominion.

Okay, Noddy, now that you've scared me half to death...

I have an almost-ten-yr.-old son who is still very affectionate and likes to spend lots of time with me and his father. He is an only child. I have several friends who also have only children...boys, but much older than mine...and they tell me that only children often remain closer to their parents during adolescence. Is this true, or am I doomed to lose all the hugs & kisses soon?

Eva--

Adolescence is a time when kids develop individuality--and every single one of them does it with personal flair. Sorry, but my crystal ball isn't working.

I think that some of the difficulty lies with the mothers. If a mother is the kind of person who lives her life for her husband and children only, the rite of independence will be extremely traumatic.

IMO a mother, as soon as her kids are in school, needs to develop interests and a life of her own, in preparation for the time when the kids will have flown the nest. She might want to take courses, volunteer, take up a hobby, even take a job. The idea is for her to find something interesting and involving to do, that is hers alone.

True, Phoenix. I've seen that happen. In my case, however, I was 40 when he was born, so I already had plenty of interests and a life of my own. I've put some things on hold, naturally, so I can spend as much time with him as possible. But I still do a lot of work for clients and have lots of interests.

I suppose that's one of the main differences between having kids in your teens/early 20s and waiting until mid-life. I don't always have the energy required to keep up with his activities and mine, too. But I get such a kick out of having a young person around now. I imagine there will be a whole white-haired section of us at the highschool graduation.

Thanks for a ray of hope, Noddy! He's the only child I'll ever have...we weren't supposed to be able to have him, even...so he is our miracle. I'm not in any hurry for him to rebel.

Thank you all to your response on this topic

rebellion can be avoided. Not totaly but at least minimize its affect.

Parents should not try to mold their child into their own liking. Each child has their own self. And parents don't do it on purpose, some, but they try to make them think like them. It isn't good. They will think different, they will see different, it is just that parents need to realize they are not them. They have opinions and it is best to acknowledge their opinions and view points and then interject yours but with out sounding forceful.

If you allow them to tell you things, any time of the day, they are more likely to speak with you on many subjects during those teen years. Some parents say, "Not right now." And that is a death sentence to any conversation in the future. Open ears all the time for your children. ALL the time. Once they are shut down it becomes three times as hard for them to open up again. And soon you get nothing.

I have an observation on only children, I am not one. They seem to be more selfish and think the world revolves around them. And I know this because I have had several friends who were and my cousin is also. It is like they have no sense of mingling with others. And they seem lonely. Because my friends that are only children use to always come over to my house because of me and my brothers and had too much fun to leave.

After being in a big family there is no way in the world I will only have one child. I can't be their source of entertainment. That is what siblings are for. And it will alow them to know how to interact with others and take criticism better.