So that has become my quest, my goal is to find my purpose. The reason why I live today when I know damn well I shouldn't have lived past Tuesday.
A friend of ours has lupus, and has clinically died twice.
I won't bore you with her whole after death experience, but something she related has really made me look at my life differently.
She said she was totally willing to go over to "the other side" but was told that it wasn't her time, that she hadn't completed her life's purpose yet.
But....then she was told that she will not realize when she had done whatever it is that is her purpose in life.
Who knows, maybe my purpose in life is taking out the recycling bin next Tuesday.
It might remind the guy across the street it's recycling day.
I don't find that depressing, it's as good and noble a purpose as any.
Many years ago a friend of mine attempted suicide. Recovering in hospital she was visited by a woman she did not know, who just came and sat with her, talking about things in general. The conversation came around to her reasons for wanting to take her own life. My friend said it was because she felt useless, she had no looks, she had no talents - she felt she was just taking up space, and could find no purpose in her life.
The woman began to come up with scenarios of how, one day, my friend might save someone from drowning, or being run over by a bus, etc, and that person might be the research scientist who finds the cure for cancer or some such. With her self esteem at such a low ebb, my friend poo-poohed this idea, saying she was such a jinx she was more likely to harm than to help.
The woman then said that perhaps that was her purpose for being; perhaps she would walk into someone and knock them over and the time taken for them to get back on their feet would mean they would step off the kerb at the next corner a few seconds later than intended, just a sufficient delay to avoid stepping into the path of a speeding car. No one would notice it, no one would remember the incident, but that person might have been crucial to the future of mankind, or the world.
The woman left and my friend never saw her again. We assumed she was a volunteer visitor. But my friend started thinking about this, that we probably do fulfill our purpose in life without ever recognising it. It certainly helped her in her recovery. She looked at herself differently and got back on an even track.