21
   

is sex on the first date a relationship killer?

 
 
Dosed
 
Reply Sun 13 Mar, 2011 03:13 pm
well? what do you think? I'll expand on my situation later, but just for starters, let's tackle the basic question first! Go!
 
djjd62
 
  2  
Reply Sun 13 Mar, 2011 03:15 pm
@Dosed,
not always, of course it depends on the mindset of the two involved, sometimes all one wants is the sex
plainoldme
 
  1  
Reply Sun 13 Mar, 2011 03:24 pm
Some couples simply need to meet and that is it. We all know couples who met each other and never looked back until one died 50 or 60 years later.

Sometimes, however, one or both parties are simply horny.

Each case is different. It is possible that if the couples in the second example met at a different time under different circumstances, that things might have turned out more like the first example.
0 Replies
 
roger
 
  1  
Reply Sun 13 Mar, 2011 03:25 pm
@djjd62,
Exactly. It depends on the situation and each possible pairing.
0 Replies
 
Dosed
 
  1  
Reply Sun 13 Mar, 2011 03:35 pm
@Dosed,
alright, well let me go ahead and span out on my situation then.

firstly, I might just be a total girl and freaking out for no reason, but I like to talk things out. it makes me feel better about things. here it goes anyway.

I met him through his cousins, who are casual friends of mine. we met in person only one time because he goes to college three hours away, so over the last two months we've been talking through various technological sources and we've grown to really like each other. he was in town again this weekend and we met up and well...hooked up. I made sure before it happened that we were both on the same page. I told him I didn't just want a weekend fling and that I really liked him. We both agreed that we like each other and would like to leave things open and see where it goes.

however...I'm getting paranoid and thinking that maybe I should have waited things out a little longer. I've had a weird sexual development, to be honest. I've never had sex inside a relationship. I'd really like to experience that intimacy with someone that actually cares about me. But yeah, it just felt natural to go for it. we had a good chemistry and we clicked and it just felt right. but now I'm having second thoughts.

...oh yeah. and he was a virgin.

I guess what I'm really worried about is that I've had these experiences before and it never led to anything more. Should have learned from those experiences right? well, it happened. what should my next move be?
plainoldme
 
  1  
Reply Sun 13 Mar, 2011 03:43 pm
@Dosed,
The only thing you can do is wait and see.
0 Replies
 
OmSigDAVID
 
  -4  
Reply Sun 13 Mar, 2011 04:01 pm
@Dosed,
Quote:
is sex on the first date a relationship killer?
No, but he might get mad at u,
if he finds out that u don 't capitalize the beginnings of your sentences.





David
Dosed
 
  6  
Reply Sun 13 Mar, 2011 04:02 pm
@OmSigDAVID,
troll.
BillRM
 
  2  
Reply Sun 13 Mar, 2011 04:24 pm
@Dosed,
You talked to him for a fairly long period of time so it is not a normal first date situation.

Hell my first "date" with my now wife were preceded by six months of communications by phone and pre-internet computer network and ended up being a three days cruise.

We did in fact not showed up for the first ship night meal and that along with later telling our table mates that she was for Detroit and I was from Miami raised eyebrows indeed.

One hell of a first date indeed in all ways.
0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  3  
Reply Sun 13 Mar, 2011 04:27 pm
Hi Dosed - I think you're over-analyzing things and coming up with questions that don't need to be asked or answered. Just go with the flow and see how things go.
contrex
 
  2  
Reply Sun 13 Mar, 2011 04:30 pm
@Dosed,
Dosed wrote:
I made sure before it happened that we were both on the same page. I told him I didn't just want a weekend fling and that I really liked him.


And, he said "sure, I'm not after a weekend thing either, I really want a proper relationship!". And you believed this? Was this when you had your boobs out and he had a boner?

Your next move should be to stop planning "moves" and just be natural.

Dosed
 
  1  
Reply Sun 13 Mar, 2011 04:36 pm
@contrex,
yeah. that's kinda my point...this is what I'm afraid of.
0 Replies
 
plainoldme
 
  1  
Reply Sun 13 Mar, 2011 04:49 pm
@Mame,
I agree.
0 Replies
 
OmSigDAVID
 
  -1  
Reply Sun 13 Mar, 2011 04:51 pm
@Dosed,
Dosed wrote:
troll.
Trolls don 't use capitals correctly.
Thay r too busy hanging around under bridges.
plainoldme
 
  5  
Reply Sun 13 Mar, 2011 04:59 pm
Dosed, I really understand where you are coming from. At your age, finding a special someone to be with for a period of time, if not for the long term, is important. However, you might cause your concerns to get in the way of your possible relationship.

He is in college (which means he is busy with school if not with a job and a sport). He is also three hours distant from you (by car?), which might be a deciding factor.

There are many levels of relationship. In fact, there are many levels of liking things. I spent six years with a man who mentioned early on that some couples meet, go out a time or two then suffer from what he called "third date death." Sometimes, two people can find each other physically attractive and might enjoy their time together -- with or without sex -- but that time could be an evening, a week, a month or a year or longer.

Let me put this on the mundane level. I'm a quilter. Quilters may find a piece of fabric that they like in a 1/4th yard piece; another as a yard; another as 3 yards, then some that inspires not just a quilt but an entire room decoration.

One meeting is not enough to know if this fellow is a 1/4 yard or an entire quilt.

My daughter's marriage began with an internet meeting. They've been together for ten years as of two days ago. Her younger brother met a very nice woman on line. They had six months together.

The best part of any relationship is the discovery. If one night was all this relationship is to be, be glad for that night.
Dosed
 
  1  
Reply Sun 13 Mar, 2011 05:04 pm
@plainoldme,
thank you very much! your post is very helpful. I appreciate it. Smile

I guess I just need to chill out and see what happens.
plainoldme
 
  1  
Reply Sun 13 Mar, 2011 05:09 pm
@Dosed,
Good luck. I hope, if the young man shows that he wants to continue seeing you, that he meets your expectations.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sun 13 Mar, 2011 05:10 pm
@Dosed,
I agree with plainoldme and others here.



0 Replies
 
MonaLeeza
 
  3  
Reply Sun 13 Mar, 2011 05:18 pm
@Dosed,
I think if its going to work out it will whether you had sex or not. I slept with my husband on our first date. I don't think either of us were expecting anything serious but he asked me out again and now we've been married for 20 years. Just be yourself and let things happen.
0 Replies
 
Butrflynet
 
  1  
Reply Sun 13 Mar, 2011 05:26 pm
@Dosed,
I think you answered your own questions in the last three paragraphs of your post. Listen to your instincts. If you desire to experience sex in a loving relationship, give yourself a chance to do so. If this is the one, you'll know it. If it isn't the one, don't prolong it. You've already identified some life lessons to learn from this and other past relationships. If you don't want repeats of the same thing, listen to yourself. You're trying to tell yourself something.
0 Replies
 
 

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