The "My! That sounds dirty" game

Prince Che Vedla woke in his royal bedchamber with last night's courtesan curled against his back. Bedsheets of Nandan silk draped his body from the waist down. A delicate, long-fingered hand rested atop his hirsute chest.

I am very sorry to say that is the first paragraph (with one addition) of the novel 'The Star Princess' by Susan Grant. It gets worse.



lumbered

Aspen quaked in anticication as Mighty Oak lumbered through the grove. But alas, a Knotty Pine stood between them.

wimple

"Awaking the Princess" by Susan King, p. 204


reticule

Her alabaster bosom heaving , she loosened the drawstring on her reticule, groped it's silky lining, and gasped, "wherever did I put my asthma inhaler?"

feral

No fair, Mr.!!!
How are we supposed to stack up against the professionals????


He slowly ran his manly hands down her feral body and felt her quiver and move into his delicate touch. She arched her back and shook out her gloriously, long braid, spilling the luxurious mane over her tensed shoulders. He reluctantly pulled himself away, moved back, drank in her beauty, and slapped her square on the rump.
"NNNEEIIIGHHH" screamed the unsuspecting mare.................



I was re-reading the entire thread and I found an entry Cav, the rarely seen creator of the post, had made, which had been glaringly overlooked. I suggest, in his honor, this word for your consideration....
BALZAC

Fernando closed the door quickly and waited till his eyes adjusted. In the far corner by the chaise he could just barely make out Martita's form, a whiteness, floating in the darkness, wound in a feral crouch.


spend

I'm going for broke here!!



Fool for Love by Eloisa James (annotated)


snickered

Estelle took a deep breath and held on to the bathroom door handle. This was going to happen she knew that, but she had never snickered before or been snickered or re-snickered or retro-snickered, but she knew she wanted it to happen.


bailiwick

go stillwater!

Re-reading the entire thread? Glutton for punishment C-lassie!!

My apologies for using the classics, but today I am working my way through a delivery of paperpack fiction for the collection of the library I'm working for. Usually it has been mystery, murder or action, but right now it is romance (though I have got to say it is a bit racy). I will just share a couple of snippets from the same work:

My thanks Joe, but I really can't get over the stepmother/tureen/vicar thing! It raises it from just bad writing to a new level!!!

Mrs. Pimsly regarded Mr. Stillwater with a jaundiced eye, doubting he could extract himself one more time from the bailywick that surrounds him on most days, indeed, most nights. He thrashed but not for long as he thought of ways to move slowly, gliding, through the passage, and acted, now picking up speed.

Mrs. Pimsly heard the doorbell at the main set of doors and looked out the wee peephole to espy a handsome fellow wringing



WET

There was something about the way her wet lips parted, the way her pink bud puckered, how the juice ran down her cheeks, when she sucked on the tart lemon.

protoplasm

(ROTFLMAO, guys! I have tears running down my face!!!)


After watching Vivien clean the large test tubes with a round brush for fifteen minutes, Hector glanced down at his own experiment and found he had spilled protoplasm all over the floor.


pencil sharpener

Young Hamish liked to get into the classroom early, to get his favourite seat at the front. He tucked his kilt down securely between his knees, and waited. He knew it would happen. Every morning, someone would break a pencil. Then he would watch as Miss Darling would reach into her bag for the pencil sharpener. He watched her closely as she slowly inserted the pencil, and expertly worked it, bringing it to a point. She had small, carefully-manicured hands and he knew she used scented soap. He loved to watch her hands, and her pencil sharpener. He was glad of that kilt.

surfboard

Bruce strode along the beach past Raylene and Kylie. They looked up at his tall bronzed torso, his perfect smile, his flashing blue eyes. They homed in on his surfboard. It was carried at a proud angle, the sun glistening along its superb length, sparkling drops dripping onto the hard sand. Each girl let out of sigh of longing.

pistachio

Tamika sat back and watched Estella's face as Raul wiped the foam from his mustache. He turned towards her. "Now," he said, "the Guinness is in us. For desert, maybe you want some pistachio on your brownie?"


poker

There it was, gleaming in the firelight. Natalie sat cross-legged, naked, and admired the poker for a full minute before reaching out to touch it. It was firm to the touch and a little warm. She cradled it in her fingers for a moment before using it to dislodge a recalcitrant log.

glossolalia

Any of you ever thought of entering the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest?
This contest named after the famous (infamous) Victorian novelist Edward Bulwer-Lytton "It was a dark and stormy night....." celebrates the best in bad writting in English.
http://www.bulwer-lytton.com