Facing death.

Reply Thu 3 Feb, 2011 08:12 pm
My last cholesterol test showed a level of 962. I’ll be going in for a stress test next week after a preliminary appointment with a cardiologist.

Two years ago, 2009, I went for five months in a state of incoherence, lack of equilibrium and a need for sleep near twenty four hours a day. There would be times when I would try to get up only to feel the need to go back to bed, while wondering if I could make it that far. Whenever I tried to eat or take my meds, I would throw up.

When I finally started coming out of it, I said to Dys that it felt like I had been out of it for about two weeks. When he told me that it had been five months, it seemed beyond my comprehension, I truly didn’t know where the time had gone. Dys said I was mostly in a coma-like state. He also said that I refused to see my therapist or go to the hospital.

During the past two years I have improved in many ways, the involuntary movements have gone, my speech is much better,---but I have never felt like the same person. When I go out or contact friends, I concentrate on sounding normal and , most of the time, I succeeded (except when I start to drool--just kidding).

During the last two months, I have had a series of neuro-psychological tests. The doctor, PhD, administering the test estimated that my IQ used to be in the mid 130’s, but due to, mainly the cholesterol, but also damage done from what she is sure was a stroke, my IQ is down around 98 to 100 with some strong areas and some noticeable deficits.

The doctor administering the test and my medical doctor, say that I am likely to die before Dys if I don't get the cholesterol under control.

What is left of me is sort of lost. Neither Dys nor I are in good shape, just the opposite.

I really don’t know what to do, other than attempt to better the cholesterol

Suggestions really won't be very helpful since we are unique human beings and our situation is unique. Not saying that we are "more special" than anyone else, just that it is impossible to answer evey question.

This is simply airing my worries. I usually don't do this, as I feel very uncomfortable, but this is truly life and death.

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Type: Discussion • Score: 50 • Views: 10,406 • Replies: 132

Reply Thu 3 Feb, 2011 08:17 pm
I understand.
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Reply Thu 3 Feb, 2011 08:36 pm
I would never presume to offer such advice. But I can offer hugs and wishes, to you and the dys.
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Reply Thu 3 Feb, 2011 08:56 pm
Thoughts are with you Diane. Wishing for you the strength to make it happen.
Reply Thu 3 Feb, 2011 09:12 pm
Diane I had similar symptons in 1997 with a cholesterol level near 10. My Dr. rushed me straight into Hospital and the Heart Surgeon gave me a quadruple by-pass there and then. Have had several other major arteries clean-up since and now have also 4 stents but life is still good. Have faith in your Dr. and Cardiologist, modern medicine can do wonders for you, I'm living proof. They can lower your cholesterol level with proper medication, mine is now 2.6 and has been for years. Wish you well.
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Reply Thu 3 Feb, 2011 09:19 pm
You seem to be a very sweet, gentle person. So will the inevitable be, easy. Gently, easily. Go easy, lovely lady.
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Reply Thu 3 Feb, 2011 09:22 pm
And of course my thoughts are with Dys as well ((Diane)) ((Dys))
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Green Witch
Reply Thu 3 Feb, 2011 09:33 pm
I don't have much advice, but I just read a book called Why We Get Fat and What To Do About It by Gary Taubes. He goes back over the last 100 years or so and basically shows we don't understand much about cholesterol, and much of what we think is incorrect. Our genetics play a very large roll in it all and high is not bad if it is balanced by your HDL levels. You might want to read the book to see what he says about the common misunderstandings of what fats and cholesterol does in our bodies. Other than that, we all on the same road and it's not really possible to know when we will reach the end and it does no good to worry. Wishing you health and happiness minute by minute.
failures art
Reply Thu 3 Feb, 2011 09:46 pm
I've not really had to truly comprehend my own mortality. It seems so far off at my age. Obviously, this is my youth speaking. I think it must be a very profound experience to engage the topic and have it feel so near and inevitable. The idea of a loved one being in the same state much bring many feelings too.

This reminds me of a really moving episode of This American Life on last words.

"It is a fearful thing to love what death can touch"

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Reply Thu 3 Feb, 2011 09:48 pm
@Green Witch,
Diane, I often think about all the wonderful moments in my life and I smile.
Remembering all those good days makes me feel great. I also think of the billions of people who have nothing at all and no good days to remember.
I have written my memoirs and I feel good about that. My son will eventually read them and remember me with a smile.
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Reply Thu 3 Feb, 2011 11:03 pm
Wishing you well, Diane & Dys; wishing you peace and comfort and all the joy that you can extract from life.
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Reply Thu 3 Feb, 2011 11:21 pm
I"ve been sitting here trying to think of something to say--aside from oy.

You know I care about you, worry about you. Care and worry about dys too.

I'm neither an optimist nor a pessimist. When it comes to health issues, I'm a pragmatist. You got what you got. Now do what you gotta do.

Throwing in another oy.

Love ya, kid.

Reply Thu 3 Feb, 2011 11:48 pm
I don't know what to say, Diane, except - hang in there and stay optimistic!
With such a high cholesterol (despite medication) you should have a series
of tests immediately and not some time next week. It's unfortunate, but ABQ may not have adequate care, however they do have the Presbyterian Heart Center that would be a place to start, plus they have better equipment to accommodate your needs.

Much love to you and Dys, Diane...
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Reply Fri 4 Feb, 2011 12:12 am
Reading your post with a lot of sympathy, Diane.

I have no words of wisdom, just feelings of much concern & affection for both you and dys.

I really don’t know what to do, other than attempt to better the cholesterol

..and to wish you the very best in getting your the cholesterol under control.

Please keep us posted and good luck with the cholesterol levels!

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Reply Fri 4 Feb, 2011 12:21 am
Facing death, the last test of our character.....I am sure you will do fine.

We used to consider it a test of our faith in God, but that is largely gone now. I think maybe this used to be easier...
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Reply Fri 4 Feb, 2011 12:41 am
Just chiming in with a "fingers crossed"and some prayers.
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Reply Fri 4 Feb, 2011 01:28 am
This a darn hard thread to respont to Di, but impossible to ignore. Just in case you do go before I, know that I'll miss you.

Glad Roberta said this, so I don't have to:

Roberta wrote:

When it comes to health issues, I'm a pragmatist. You got what you got. Now do what you gotta do.

Throwing in another oy.
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Reply Fri 4 Feb, 2011 02:12 am
"Sort of lost?"

If you wish, could you explain that a little more?

Oy veh...you're back to an average in aggregate...but I wonder if there is a lot of you left where it was, and some of you very affected?

Fascinating to think about who we are, and what it means when we are affected by physical brain events....how much do we still feel like "me"?

Is that the "lost" feeling you describe...not sure how much you are "you"? Or is it more that whatever has happened has affected areas that leave you feeling a little disoriented?

Sometimes I think death is easy, but coping with the weird crap your body throws at you is REALLY tough. It's kind of hard to be confronted with the reality that we are in a sense "meat"....and that our inner essence can be affected by purely physical events. NOT how we like to think of it.

I most desperately hope that the goddam cholesterol comes down NOW! How DARE it do that to you?

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Walter Hinteler
Reply Fri 4 Feb, 2011 02:25 am
Can't give an advice - just do what you want to do.

Thinking of both of you.
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Reply Fri 4 Feb, 2011 05:04 am
I can't think of anything more ridiculous than cicerone impostor standing at the station in San Francisco holding up a sign saying Diane Dyslexia.

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