Types of Parents

I hate when parents dictate what interests a child should have, what course of study a child should pursue, etc.

My mother was that sort of parent and both my youngest brother and I wasted years because we followed her advice in terms of course of study pursued. I thought that sort of behavior would have ended with their generation. Sadly, it did not. A friend of my daughter's is an engineer because her mother is an engineer and told her to pursue engineering. She hasn't been professionally unhappy but she did move from New England to North Carolina to get away from her mother. When I temped at a business school, I had to take a phone call from a mother who did not understand why her son wasn't accepted into the MBA program. "We always planned for him to get an MBA," she said. Well, what did he plan? Or, was he even allowed to consider who he was and what he liked to do.

Thanks - I'll need to use that one.

When u parent (using that as a verb),
do u ever empathize with your child?

Do u employ your memory
to see and feel what its like on his or her side of the command ?





David

Of course not - they are children - they don't know what they are feeling. As a parent we need to tell them what they should feel.

And if they don't listen - they I enlist some sort of corporal punishment - that or hard labor.

That 's an oxymoronic contradiction in terms. Think about it.
If anyone does not KNOW
that he or she is feeling something,
then DEFINITIONALLY, he or she is not feeling it.

Do u see my point ??

(unless there is anything that I have overlooked . . . )

I wanted to see how you dealt with my odd sense of humor - of course I am kidding.

And of course I remember what it is like when I was a child and do try to understand how they feel.

And if I don't like how they feel then they receive hard labor. Helps with keeping the house tidy.

When I was a kid,
occasionally I saw friends of mine (thinking of other kids, at this point)
being browbeaten, oppressed by their own parents.

I almost always kept my mouth shut,
being a big believer in minding my own business.
There were a few exceptions,
e.g. when it happened on my own family realty
or when I was actually asked for my opinion
by the controlling parent. I told them the truth
of my opinion and my relevant observations.
I briefly became a de facto attorney for my friends.

I remember that thay paused in reflection upon
how thay felt when their own parents had intimidated them
or embarrassed them in front of their friends.

Employing retrospect and empathy,
thay re-considered their demeanor toward my friends
and their sons.

Interesting:
I remember hearing radio personality Don Imus
speak of his childhood, when his father knocked him
around, being a nasty drunk (on scotch).

He said that he silently swore that he
was NEVER going to drink, and he especially was NOT going to drink scotch.

Some years later,
his drinking had become a problem
and his drink of choice was SCOTCH.

Its a question of one 's subconscious mind being programed (by example)
regardless of what the conscious mind believes.

I appreciate your humor. Kids need a dose of that mixed in with the discipline.
I think it helps them to realize that not getting your way doesn't have to mean unhappiness.

People can stay out of one another's way
without being unhappy.





David

And a crack in the head once in while also helps teach that perspective.

Something that I esteemed and admired in my mom:
I remember a conversation of when
I was around 4 years old,
in which she remarked that many other parents practiced violence
on their kids, but that she believed in reasoning with them (if that is possible).

Sometimes I see that and I admire it a lot; humanity at its best.
For instance, I remember in the 1990s,
I was vacationing in a summer resort in upstate NY.
I was enjoying the hot tub, when I was joined
a dad and his sons, maybe around 6 and 8.
I was very impressed with how kind, gentle
and thoughtful he was to his sons.

Later in the day, when we were alone,
I gave him credit for his outstanding parenting.
For SURE, his boys will remember him well
and with love; well earned love.

I 'm not sure that this is an option with each and every kid.
If he is a wild man and not amenable to reason
then that can present problems.
For that reason, I 'm very pleased that I am not a father.

I have long believed that I shoud not risk
more than I am willing to lose, including tranquility.





David

"So I gave him a little adjustment on the top of the head"
Hank Jr.