My Politics Paper. Any Suggestions?

Just two.



Not sure about the tone of this statement. This is the sort of thing I'd expect to read in an internet discussion on the subject. Not a cold analysis.




I don't know if this statement should be so clear and definite. Probably should be more of a supposition.

I would stick to the formula and go with a topic sentence/paragraph. You know, "Tell them what you are going to say, say it, tell them what you told them." Your opening sentence is fine with me, but may be a little innovative for the person grading it.

Wilso is correct. I agree with your supposition, and think it's on firm ground, but it is supposition.

Stylistically, this is a bit jumbled. It's hard to follow in terms of who died when. (I first read it as she fasted every day of the week after her death... well, yeah. )



This is another one that is more absolute than the evidence calls for. While SOME Muslims do this, is it accurate or fair to say "Muslim children", in general? Especially when you go on to say, "definitely the best thing they could ever do..."

Finding out how widespread this is, what "mainstream" Muslims think about it, could add a lot of depth to your paper. There was a good article about this in the New York Times Sunday magazine a while back (between a year and 6 months ago, I think... anyone else remember?)

In terms of your final paragraph, what do you mean by "rearranged?" You say this earlier:



So does the rearrangement include easing the repression and overwhelming force they face?

Rella

IMO you need to ask a couple of questions of your objective.

1. What precisely did you want to say?

2. Can you satisfy yourself that you accomplished your goal?

When I read your paper I thought to myself ---- great, what a timely subject----someone at last will tell us how to prevent the most chilling aspect of terrorism------teaching hatred at a very young age.

Then you give up and dash our hopes by saying it's impossible----you started with a great thesis and then convinced yourself that it was hopeless.

I agree with perception that clarifying what you are trying to say would be a good idea. This paper has some raw info that could go a few different directions -- choosing one direction and then strengthening it would help.

What school level is this paper for? If its for a university level course, your failure to provide references would guarantee a failing grade.

Re: My Politics Paper. Any Suggestions?
When I wander into Jerusalem, I will become a suicide bomber..." sings a little boy on The Children's Club, a Palestinian version of Sesame Street.

Reference, date.

Three-year-olds in the Middle East.What are they being taught? The alphabet maybe, or perhaps how to share?
What are children in the middle east being taught? reference
Why are children as young as three years old being taught to hate?
If a repressed group of people faces overwhelming force in the achievement of its political, social, or economic goals, then the leadership may promote martyrdom through the use of terrorism to achieve its ends.

Muhammad Atta. He was thirty-three when he headed up the twin towers tragedy. Atta grew up in Abdeen, a neighborhood in Cairo, in a five-bedroom apartment. Abdeen is said to be "the heart of Egypt"
Source for quote?
---there is no one economic class. Internet Cafes, markets, auto-mechanics, and American film ads inhabit the neighborhood along with a strong love/hate attitude toward America. They admire the American Dream, but feel very betrayed by the actions of the U.S. government. The president of Egypt, Hosni Mubarak, has attempted to keep the citizens deluded about the futility of their future via western media. While an American movie may give them some sort of hope, most Egyptians will always have the notion in the back of their minds that their lives will never be anything like that.
more demographic data plaease

Muhammad Atta graduated from Cairo University with a degree in architecture, and moved to Germany to continue his education. There his interest in Islam deepened when he joined an Islamic prayer group in 1999. The following year, he enrolled at Huffman Aviation International in Florida, where he learned to pilot a plane. Atta was said to be polite and reserved.
What is the connection,if any, between finishing archy school in FRG adn flight school in Florida? The way your paragraph is written, you seem to imply a connection, but fail to provide one.

Hanandi Jaradat was twenty-nine when she bombed a restaurant in Haifa, killing herself and nineteen others. Jaradat grew up in Jenin, a city in West Bank, with a very religious family. She was to be qualified as a lawyer the week of her death. On June 12, 2003, Israeli troops shot and killed her cousin and her brother. After their death, she went from fasting two times a week to every day of the week, and reading the Qu'ran daily. Her sister, Fayda, describes Hanandi as fearless and strong in spirit, but at the same time she was "sociable, lovable, and notable for her altruism."
So? What possible connection has she to Atta? Atta may be a red herring in this paper.

Muhammad Rashid Daoud al'Owhali grew up in an upper-middle-class family in Saudi Arabia. Since he was a teenager, al'Owhali has been interested in Orthodox Islam, taking in books such as The Love and Hour of the Martyrs, The Qu'ran, and books on America and the obligation of all Muslims to abate attempts to disenfranchise the nations of Islam. After Operation Desert Storm, the continued presence of American troops in Saudi Arabia deeply upset him. When he was nineteen, al'Owhali befriended Osama Bin Laden and joined the Al Queda network. At twenty-one, he killed two-hundred-and-thirteen people when he bombed the U.S. Embassy in Nairobi, Kenya. He was supposed to die that day as a martyr. Now he is serving life in a U.S. prison.
Again, sources?

So how do these profiles tie in to the incentives to martyrdom? Martyrs are largely celebrated by Arabs, especially Islamic Fundamentalists.
This is a generalization, please reword.

Their families will receive approximately $5,000 to $25,000.
From whom?

[The martyrs are guaranteed eternity in Paradise, seventy-two virgin brides, permission to see the face of Allah, and seventy spots in Heaven for their friends and families.
Source?
And hey, maybe they'll even make it into the Martyr of the Month calendar.
I would pull 5 points away for this comment.

None of the families of these three Muslims were in desperate need of the money. None of these three were struggling to live.
Source? And even so, irrelevent.

So why did they submit to martyrdom? Some reasons are glaringly obvious.
Generalization, "glaringly obvious." How about: The motiviations of some are easier to understand...

Jaradat wanted to avenge her brother's death. Al'Owhali was enraged by U.S. involvement in Saudi Arabia.
New paragraph

But what are the underlying factors that sparked these feelings? And what of Atta, the quiet, courteous leader of the 9-11 attacks? The answer lies in the figureheads who call on Muslims during televised sermons to arm themselves or their children with weapons to pursue the jihad against the Jews. It is in the summer camps that train eight to twelve year old kids to become suicide bombers. It is in The Children's Corner, glorifying martyrdom to toddlers.

From an extremely young age, Muslim children are taught that martyrdom is noble, beneficial, and definitely the best thing they could ever do with their lives.
Source? What children where? All Muslim children? Some? What denominations, etc...
"We are all potential martyrs, the whole Palestinian people." says Yassir Arafat, president of Palestine. Perhaps they feel they owe it to their leaders. Hamas influenced the Gaza Strip and the West Bank with Islamic propaganda and social work.
"Islamic propaganda and social work." poor word choice. Please expand.

Twenty years after the Intifada, the Hamas organization has built a strong political, social, educational and religious infrastructure. Apparently it has helped---almost seventy percent of martyrs are from the Gaza Strip.
If martyrdom wasn't promoted by Palestinian society and leadership, there would be a significant slump in terrorist attacks. Some martyrs may have been seeking love and attention more than anything; eighty-three percent are single. The prospect of glorification on earth and seventy-two virgins in heaven is a huge part of what lures them.
Even the women?

It doesn't seem to be the case that those who blow themselves up have a low sense of self worth. Almost half have an academic education, and an additional twenty-nine percent have at least finished high school.
What have these things to do with self worth?

Life on earth, it seems, means little to the aspiring martyr. They believe their religion will surpass the seventy years they've been given, and they'd relinquish forty or fifty years for a secure ticket to Paradise.
After Jaradat's death, her family received many congratulations. "Why should we cry?" said her fifteen-year-old brother, Thaher, "It is like her wedding today, the happiest day for her."
The reason al'Owhali didn't die in his own attack? He ran. At the last moment, he reasoned that something having to do with the position of the bomb would be suicide, not martyrdom, and therefore a sin. A cop-out? Probably. They say that most people who jump off a bridge, or out a window, or off a tall building who lived to tell about it said that on their way down, they regretted it. Perhaps ecstasy is not every martyr's last sensation. Some may have doubts that don't arise until the very last second. But then, maybe al'Owhali really did notice this logic last-minute.
When it comes down to it, there's not much that can be done to stop terrorism unless the entire society of Palestine is rearranged. The combination of the martyr's spite, religious fervor, and the influential propaganda of Palestine make it virtually impossible to change the mind of an aspiring martyr.
I would excise the portion about Atta, since your paper seems to be about Plaestinian suicide bombers. I would also provide refences, and avoid the listed cliches. Good luck.

This is a speculation, rather than an actual trend.

And please don't say 'Muslims' or 'all Muslims', the majority of them are nowhere near the Middle East and the events there are not the staple fare of their lives. Your need to be more specific about the 'stakeholders', rather than generalise.

Thanks for your comments guys, they're helping a lot.

To answer some questions:
Sozobe: Yes, I believe rearrangement would include the limit of opression, but more than that, a change of attitude. In much of the Middle East, martyrdom is celebrated. It is the approximate equivalent to a star or a veteran here in the U.S. There really are Martyr of the Month calendars.

Perception:
The objective of my paper was to basically pinpoint the reasons why people choose martyrdom and to either prove or disprove my hypothesis. It wasn't necessarily to come up with a solution, but I really want to anyway. I'll give that some thought.

HobitBob:
This is for 12th grade Politics, and I will be including footnotes and a bibliography.

Let us know how you grade, Rel.

Merry Christmas everyone.