handicaped grandchildren over 21

Why is there so much hostility between your mother and her daughter-in-law? It seems to me that the only way that your mother will get to see the girl is to work for a better relationship with her daughter-in-law.

From what I know about family relations, there must be more to this than meets the eye. Why did your mother go to a lawyer, rather than working it out with the girls' mother? Did your mother get along with her daughter-in-law when your brother was alive? Does the DIL give any reason why she won't let your mother see the girl?

Do you see your niece? Are you able to talk to the girl's mother, and try to get to the bottom of this?

Also, more information on this situation would be helpful if we are to offer any advice!

BTW, Welcome to A2K!

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my mom and dad when he was still alive were very good to my sister in law. however my brother was dying and asked to be cared for by mom. this was his request not moms but she complied. two weeks after my brother died my sister in law wanted half of my mothers money she said it would have gone to my brother if he out lived mom and she wanted it. she got a very good settement form my brothers job so she has money also she is estranged from her other daughter after years of emotional abuse. we are not looking for trouble we have waited a yeaar and a half in hopes thaat the situation would get better as for me i never had a cross word with my sister in law i am very good at minding my business but she wont speak to usneelie

neelie-

Your parents are still alive, and your SIL is looking for an interitance from your mom??? How does she know what is in your mom's will?

Money............Ah the havoc money, and inheritances, cause in families. Your SIL sounds like a piece of work. Since there is nothing that can be done, legally, about your niece, I think that you need to all move on with your lives.

Given the information neelie has given - an estranged daughter due to emotional abuse, a husband who asked his mother to care for him while he was dying, I would be concerned that the disabled daughter remaining in the house with neelie's SIL could be in some danger. I would look into contacting a local service agency and finding out if there is some way an in-home assessment can be done.

I know that in the jurisdiction I'm in, disability extends the age to which social services will be involved. I would definitely recommend looking into it further. Perhaps a religious advisor, or local political representative could be contacted to give further advice.

i need to clarify that my dad died four years ago so my mom is a widow and sister in law does not abuse the handicapped daughter because she has all the control over her life. when my oter neice started to think for herself (about age 10) the trouble started. my brother and his wife had a rocky relationship but it has nothing to do with my mother seeing her grandchild even if it were one hour a week or month anything would be fine we would work around my sister in law buth for 16 years grandma and child had a good relationship is it fair to the child to stop this? thisis why i am looking for help