is this rape?

anyone think my girlfriend will leave me if she knew?

Would you leave her if she got raped?
Would you get angry at HER?
Could you let it go and continue to have a relationship with her?

These are questions that you must ask yourself.

If there is the possibility that she will NOT find out, then do NOT tell her. Why put this load - which you have not yet resolved and dealt with - on her?

When you can get a clear vision of what happened to you, then you can share it with her. This will take time. But right now, you have not resolved it yourself.

PS - you have not talked about your "friend" who was supposed to have your back, and the rest of the people who were there, but just stepped back. What are your feelings about THEM?

She might, anyway why does she need to know and why are making such a big deal out of it , have you been wrapped in cotton wool all your life.
Grow a pair and snap out of it.
I'm beginning to think this is a joke.
You said at the start you got very very drunk (as lads do on holiday), well you don't sound like much of a lad to me.
Rape? what a joke, some tart gave you a hand job, that's assuming it wasn't a wet dream, which wouldn't surprise me.
If some guy had stuck his dick in your ass, then you'd have good reason to shout rape, but a vaguely remembered drunken hand job, get real & get a life.

and yet, although it hasn't been your experience, some of us do act this way.

Not trying to pick on you, but I can't believe you said this. I'd be posting this regardless of who said it.

Would you say to a woman who came here with an equiv. story "for Christ' sake, just forget about it and move on!"?

Was she really ugly or something? Under age maybe? Far too much guilt here for a hand job.

Na, she wasn't underage etc. I dont think I am feeling to much guilt. I cant remember anything and I love my girlfriend very much hence why I am worried. what happened, happened. And to explain this story, it doesn't look good. Maybe I worry too much. But until this happens to you. You dont understand fully how it feels

You have not explained WHY you feel you need to tell your girlfriend. Will this information benefit her or your relationship?

You may think, as a man, you are supposed to be in control all the time. Well, that does not always happen.

However, you ARE responsible for your drinking and putting yourself in a situation with people who took advantage of your state. THOSE are the issues you need to focus on.

Under the law, no he isnt.
What happened to him can legally be called sexual assault, and the woman that did it can be charged.
Just because someone is out drinking does not give anyone permission to assault them.

Me and my girlfriend are very honest. Its probably for the best that she does not know like you say. I jsut dont like to keep anything from her. I am being very hard on myself because I keep thinking to myself that I must have been in control I'm a man (like you said Punkey) But I honestly dont think I could have done anymore than I could in my drunken state. She continually asked me to sleep with her and I didn't and for that I am proud. But I still cant help feeling that I must be partly to blame. Thankyou for your reply too mysteryman

wow wow wow.

just to prove I am an equal opportunity commentor, let's take that same sentence and apply it to a female who couldld tell this same story...

Listen Missy, "you ARE responsible for your drinking and putting yourself in a situation with people who took advantage of your state"

If he wants to self-flogg, then do it because:
1) he drank excessively, to the point of passing out in a bed
2) his so-called friends allowed him to be (molested, accosted, fondled, raped, whatever, etc) and probably think it's funny, even today.

He has not commented or touched upon these points. Instead he wants to heap some self-absorbed guilt on an innocent party: his girlfriend.

He can wear his own hair shirt. And make sure it's for the right reasons.

First find out what the law in Portugal might say about it --- the USA laws has nothing to do with the laws or terminology in another country, the girl in question sounds more like a prostitute and you wouldn't want your girlfriend to know that would you

I can't answer since I don't want to read the thread.

I have to learn to deal with this on a2k, just not responding - at the same time I think people need information.

You're pretty smart, Punkey. I've been noticing that.

And my answer would be exactly the same.

you might be surprised that in the right circumstances, I'd agree with you mysteryman.

What I'm saying is that if this thread was exactly the same, only a female posting, the ususal suspects would be howling their heads off if such statements were said.

Don't you know that if you're a woman, you can get drunk, take off all your clothes, lie spread on a mattress in a locker room right before the winning team of the world cup comes in, but that doesn't mean she wanted sex?

Of course she would be responsible for her drinking and for putting herself in that situation, just as the casual12 is responsible for his drinking and putting himself in that situation. It's not like someone was holding him down and forcing him to drink until he nearly blacked out. That doesn't mean he's responsible for being sexually assaulted (if, in fact, that happened), but his drunkenness doesn't absolve him from getting drunk in the first place.

I have a similar problem…I am a survior…I was abused …repeatedly gang raped by a high school cheer leading squad… it was against my will and the worst part is that I started to enjoy it…I feel so ashamed and used…like I am trash…I have thought of killing myself.

It happened the first time when I was only 13 I was walking home from school and passed a high school…the female cheer leaders were working on their routines..I stopped and watched them…just innocently I was fascinated by their pysical abilities.. after a few mins. one of them I think it was the gang leader, she was a tall lanky girl with a dominant attitude..she noticed me and asked me to join them and help them with their routines…well being naive and a virgin I stupidly agreed..the girls would jump and I would catch them..nothing major there I felt uncomfortable because some of them began to touch me inappropriately…but it got worse! After they had all run and I caught them a few times, the told me I was very handsome and they liked them…I was of course flattered but then the invited to come with them to there cheer leading van for a coke to repay me for my help…like a poor naive guy I said yes and they surrounded me…somewhat too closely I remember now and led me to the van…The gang leader opened up the van and handed me a can of coke then said…it’s too warm let me put that in a glass…well I should have run at that point but like I have said I was too naive so I said okay..then the gang leader said that she couldn’t reach the cups would I climb inside and bring out some for everybody…thinking that this was an innocent request I of course agreed…so I climbed inside…they all laughed…an evil knowing laugh and before I could do anything, they all piled inside, grabbed me and held me down..I cried and struggled but it was no use there were too many of them and they were too determined to have me…AND THEY ALL DID…I won’t go into everything they made me do but it involved numerous positions and choclate syrup…the last part is the worst I can’t enjoy chocolate to this very day…
After they all had their way with me and made me do evil disqusting things to them and they to me…they let me go…I cried all the way home…I was afraid to tell my parents or anyone and I couldn’t sleep all night… The next day I went to school…just outside I saw one of them in street clothes..she was standing on the corner near my house ..before I could go back home she approached me and said, ” I hope you enjoyed yesterday as much as we all did, I knew you were a slut” I told her I didn’t want to do that again and that it hurt….to leave me alone…She told me that they had picked me as their mascot…that I would service all of them whenever they wanted…she said that she never where I lived and who my parents were and where my little sister and brother went to school so I better play along or harm would come to them. I was terrified, I cried and begged her not to do this but she just laughed evily and said that I should get over it…no big deal …just give it up and no one gets hurt….
I ran away from her as fast as I could ducking into some bushes near school, I got sick and threw up…then later I thought about it…I tried talking to my mom about it but she wouldn’t believe me…so I kept quiet…I didn’t go to school for three days hoping they would forget about me…but mom made me go then when I was walking home I avoided the high school but just as I was close to home four of these girls jumped out of the bushes and grabbed me…One of them the gang leader put her hand over my mouth the others held my arms and legs and they dragged into a secluded wooded aread, tore off my clothes and abused me…I cried and struggled but to no avail…the worst part is that I kept getting an erection…and I even had an orgasm…more than once…Now I feel horrible…I have lost interest in my play station, even my collection of dust bunnies…I tried to speak to the school psychologist but she just laughed her ass off at me and pushed me out the door….
The next day they took me again, this time they made me do even sicker things, they put their nasty bits in my face and made me…do oral…then they used me and my private parts again…I cried but not as much I have learn to accept their cruelty….and the way they moan and grunt as they use me…I know they don’t love me…they just all use me like a whore…I hate it …but sometimes I feel good when they do it to me even though I feel disgusted with myself later and I hate them so much..The last time they raped me was just a day ago…this time they didn’t wait for me to get out of school they all came over at recess and just took….I didn’t fight them this time..I knew what would happen if I tried to stop them they would beat me and still rape me…so I just went with them..again the gang leader put her arm around me and said…well well Billy we have been thinking about you all day…come with us we need to let off some steam….ha ha …then they all giggled…one of them the Latin girl…pinched me on the buttocks another one slapped me there..and said…gotta have some of that real soon…mmmm…
I went with them but I didn’t want to …I just wanted to get it over with….and I hoped that if I cooperated with them they wouldn’t hurt me so much…I WAS WRONG AGAIN…..they took me to their cheer leading office on the High School campus and made me strip in front of them…then they stripped ..but they stripped while singing the school fight song and doing cheers..the Asian one did the splits in front of me and she was naked…I was so scared…..after
That things got real bad for me…they made me lie down on a matt then the African American girl put my thing in her mouth and made me get hard…I tried hard not to like and not to get all hard for them but I couldn’t my body betrayed they mounted me one after another and used me…I begged them to stop but they wouldn’t the African lady was the worst she was the last one and it was the worst…she wasn’t even nice she just straddled me and put my thingy inside her then said, “here we go bitch you better give me a good one or I will kick your little A….” I asked her not to do this to me but she just sneered and slapped my face then said, “shut up bitch, you are ours to do with as we please”. It seemed like hours later before they let me go…finally they finished abusing me..no one even said thank you ..they just go up wipped themselves off and went back doing cheers…meanwhile I took this opportunity to escape…I grabbed my clothes and stumbled out of the office …I went home…into my room and I cried all night long. I can’t eat now or sleep…I can’t stand to have someone touch me..

I feel guilty and ashamed…can anyone help?