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I don't feel anything when someone dies is that okay?

 
 
xm
 
Reply Thu 28 Oct, 2010 07:21 am
Well I've never had close family members or friends pass away, but my great grandma(didn't really know her), and my friends father died (recent).

I'm not sure how to feel actually when stuff like this happens, I told them "are you okay?", and apologize for their loss etc. Later when other people talk about it to me they said they feel so sad/bad etc.

Am I supposed to feel sad or bad like them? or are they just 'saying' that just because its the right thing to do? I'm kinda confused about this, was thinking about this for a long while.

Thanks in advance!
 
snood
 
  5  
Reply Thu 28 Oct, 2010 07:25 am
It doesn't seem to me that there's anything strange about not 'feeling' that much about someone dying who wasn't particularly close to you when they were alive.

However, I would personally be taken a little aback if your reaction was the same about someone dying who had been a good friend or close relative.

But, that's just me - in reality, there is no "right" or "wrong" about our emotions.
Miller
 
  1  
Reply Thu 28 Oct, 2010 11:59 am
I think that different folks may have different levels of empathy toward the process of death and dying. I have seen total strangers die in hospice and while I didn't know them very closely, I did feel the significance of this event in their lives as well as the lives of all humans.

I'm also sensitive to the deaths of animals. When my dogs have died, I've always mourned their departure from this world. I was close to these animals, so in their passing, it was normal for me to feel very sad at their time of death.

Recently, I've experienced the deaths of several birds on my property. One sea gull was savagely attacked by a huge hawk. This was shocking, sickening and very sad for me to witness.

I've also had several small birds fly into my windows and kill themselves from the shock of the impact on their craniums. I didn't know these birds, but their tenderness and beauty made their deaths extremely sad for me.

I guess that I'm a tender person who's sensitive to the pain of God's creatures.
OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Thu 28 Oct, 2010 12:02 pm
@Miller,
Miller wrote:
I think that different folks may have different levels of empathy toward the process of death and dying. I have seen total strangers die in hospice and while I didn't know them very closely, I did feel the significance of this event in their lives as well as the lives of all humans.

I'm also sensitive to the deaths of animals. When my dogs have died, I've always mourned their departure from this world. I was close to these animals, so in their passing, it was normal for me to feel very sad at their time of death.

Recently, I've experienced the deaths of several birds on my property. One sea gull was savagely attacked by a huge hawk. This was shocking, sickening and very sad for me to witness.

I've also had several small birds fly into my windows and kill themselves from the shock of the impact on their craniums. I didn't know these birds, but their tenderness and beauty made their deaths extremely sad for me.

I guess that I'm a tender person who's sensitive to the pain of God's creatures.
Thay will return to the Source of Life, whence thay came.





David
0 Replies
 
Miller
 
  1  
Reply Thu 28 Oct, 2010 12:05 pm
Yes, they will.
OmSigDAVID
 
  2  
Reply Thu 28 Oct, 2010 12:16 pm
@Miller,
Miller wrote:
Yes, they will.
I hope that u r proceeding well with your studies of the Kabbalah.





David
0 Replies
 
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Thu 28 Oct, 2010 12:22 pm
@xm,
My father needed to break his ties with his parents when I was young in order to keep his marriage intact. It is a long and sad story indeed that I will not go into now.

As a result, however I was very close to my Grandfather on my mother side of the family but not to my Dad father who I only saw a few times growing up.

It was very strange seeing an old sick man on his deathbed who in name was my grandfather and yet the only emotions I could feel was sadness over seeing the pain in my father eyes.

When my mother father was on his deathbed, I was not losing only a grandfather but a second father to me.

Family and emotions go with the relationships you have with the person and not the blood/family title that they carry.
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Thu 28 Oct, 2010 12:34 pm
@xm,
xm, it's a very personal thing how someone takes it.

I finally learned not to look to others on how I should feel about something.


Years ago, I had to deal with panic attacks, and my counselor sent me to a pychiatrist, so medication could be perscribed for me. I had to go back on a regular basis for awhile, so she could measure it's effectiveness, see how I was otherwise, etc. She knew about family issues from my childhood, which were the cause of the anxiety attacks, things I couldn't repress any longer.

During one visit I mentioned my mother wasn't doing well, was going to have a leg amputated. She didn't even have to ask if I was upset, she knew I wasn't.

A visit or 2 later, I told her how my cat, Dr. Lulu Abromowitz, had died. She was 21 years old. I broke down crying, and even typing this now, I still tear up. I loved her so much, and she loved me.
After I composed myself, and we continued to talk, and a couple of minutes later, I suddently said "OH!! I forgot to tell you, my mother died last week."

I sat there a moment, then said. "I feel so weird that I almost forgot to tell you that. It makes me feel bad"

She asked why.

"Well, because I'm supposed to be upset....people say they are upset when someone dies."

Her answer opened huge doors for me in my life...

she said "yes, people do say that, don't they?"

xm, the way you feel is the way you feel.





0 Replies
 
kuvasz
 
  1  
Reply Thu 28 Oct, 2010 07:04 pm
@xm,
Quote:
I don't feel anything when someone dies......


Yet. Likely you will and it will hurt like nothing you ever felt, then welcome to the human race and its blessing/curse of recognizing your own mortality.
0 Replies
 
MonaLeeza
 
  1  
Reply Thu 28 Oct, 2010 09:50 pm
@xm,
It's not how you feel about the person that died that matters but whether you can feel empathy for their close family and friends. You obviously know the right things to say in that situation - so that's a good thing ( alot of people don't)but if you think that you have trouble understanding other people's feelings then that might be something about yourself that's worth exploring.
0 Replies
 
tenderfoot
 
  1  
Reply Fri 29 Oct, 2010 11:20 pm
My father in law and mother both got alztimers about 5 years ago and they lived for 25 years with us, when we could no longer look after them, we had to put them in a nursing home close to us, he died 18 mths ago, once he no longer knew me, I could not no longer visit. his wife still reconizes me, but is loosing the use of her limbs ---- Oh!! if only she would go as well, the last 5 years have been hell.
0 Replies
 
Robert Gentel
 
  1  
Reply Fri 29 Oct, 2010 11:25 pm
@snood,
There ya go, it's not often that I am left with nothing left to say but a pointer to someone who said it first but that's really it in a nutshell. You don't have enough time to get personally worked up about every death, there are more than you have time to begin to care about.
0 Replies
 
Finn dAbuzz
 
  2  
Reply Sat 30 Oct, 2010 12:37 am
@xm,
Why would you feel "bad" about the death of people with whom you have no emotional connection?

Death is all around us. No one expects anyone to react to each and every death during our lives. That would be a pretty good definition of insanity.

Having said this, the day may come when you don't experience what you think you should upon the death of someone with whom you have had an emotional connection.

Don't worry about it.

Death is inevitable for us all and yet it is very weird.

Some people celebrate death because they believe the person has moved on to a better place.

Some people are devastated by the death of a loved one becuase they have had no individual life for themselves.

Some people mourn the dead because they loved them dearly and will miss them so.

No one knows how they will feel about the death of a loved one until it happens.

No one knows how the they will feel about death until they face it without chance of escape.
0 Replies
 
enobaria
 
  1  
Reply Tue 15 Mar, 2011 05:48 am
maybe you weren't just as close to those people as some think. not showing your emotions doesn't mean you don't care
0 Replies
 
maryanne12
 
  0  
Reply Thu 7 Jul, 2011 05:28 am
look every one is this world will be dead after a unknown time and the death of a thing depends upon the life of that thing or destiny
0 Replies
 
The Oracle
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Apr, 2016 06:41 pm
@xm,
I don't feel anything when someone dies,either. Except to wonder why others do feel anything&start crying&going into hysterics. I find that annoying,to be honest. Death&murder happen. Crying&acting all overemotional&hysterical about it,is'nt going to change anything. I think most act like that&murmur their sadness for families of those who are dead,only because it's 'expected'&considered 'the right/polite' thing to do/say,even if they don't really care or want to. That's just my thoughts on it. Whatever the actual reasons people act like that,I don't understand the shocked/outraged/weepy sadness&such kind of actions/reactions to death&murder. They make no sense to me,nor do they serve a purpose or change anything. BTW to answer you,you don't HAVE to feel anything,about anything. Don't pretend to,if it's not real. No confusion,just be honest with yourself&others&feel what you feel.
0 Replies
 
 

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