@CalamityJane,
CalamityJane wrote:
Fido wrote:
My understanding is, and here I may be wrong, that a lot of what is called borderline personality disorders begin to show up around puberty, but there is a problem that many of such children mature biologically but are trapped in childhood... Best wishes...
Reading on I see her relationship with peers is trouble... I see that her father has his own emotional troubles, mainly disconnection, to deal with, and he may be a carrier... I think I am a carrier, too... Always had something of bi-polar, and add, and borderline personality... Big genetic componant to it..
Fido, you might be bi-polar and biologically challenged, but how dare you
give off diagnoses of a 9 year old kid you know absolutely nothing of? Do not project your your problems onto others!
Denial is not just a river in Illinois... Enjoy!
@CalamityJane,
Thank you Calamity Jane...You are right.I am making a mountain out of an anthill.I will support her and allow her to grow up in her own pace.
@sozobe,
sozobe wrote:
A thought I had (as we continue to deal with my own kid) is that aside from these kids' attitudes per se, this is a transitional age.
I really think this is the key. It takes time and some frustration to renegotiate the responsibilities and this will continue to happen as kids grow more able to do more for themselves.
I agree with most of what has already been said. Would add:
This is a transition for both of you, not in that she is learning to assert herself, but she is learning to TRUST herself. She can make decisions about when to eat, what to wear based on the weather or her schedule for the day, and whether or not she finds it important to make her bed.
I think we, as parents, too often take it as an affront to our authority when this stuff starts happening when it isn't about US at all! It's about them trying to figure out if they can make good decisions on their own, trust themselves, and have us trust them, too. Our reaction to this testing of their own abilities is so important, IMO. It is the difference between building their confidence or signalling to them that they have to continue to rely on us. We want them to grow up, be self-confident and leave the nest.
Nagging, giving orders, going through the list of getting ready for school in the morning when they have been doing this routine for 5 or 6 years already can cause unnecessary stress on all involved.
Rather than nagging, try catching her making good decisions. (I see you have chosen to wear a dress today, but also remembered to pack your tennis shoes and a pair of shorts for PE. Good thinking! I'd totally forgotten it was PE day.)
If she didn't remember it was PE Day and came to breakfast in a dress, you might try "What's today? Wednesday? Do you have PE today?" She responds "yes." If she doesn't think of it on her own, prompt her by asking if she has everything she needs for PE rather than telling her what she needs or telling her to go change.
What else do you need to do before we walk to the bus stop? Or, towards the end of breakfast, asking what do you still need to do to be ready to go? Or, asking where are you on being ready for school? Is there anything I can help you with? That kind of approach leaves the responsibility on them, which is where it belongs by this age.
If she gets to the door with her back pack, shoes on, etc., you might try "Were we brushing our teeth at the same time? I didn't hear the water running in your bathroom after breakfast." If she rolls her eyes, drops her book bag, kicks off her shoes and stomps up the stairs you can consider that she's most likely kicking herself for not remembering, rather than taking it that she is being disrespectful to you.
@squinney,
Thank you .That was really helpful.
I'm only 15 And I have a 10 year old sister. My parents can no longer tolerate her any longer. And I'm trying to help. My mothers sick and works at home. And my fathers usually busy all day then works at night. When I was young my parents would do everything you guys have mentioned. They would severely do it tho And I would get peppers in my mouth and the belt. But my sister on the other hand. All she ever does all day is sit with the iPad and eat. She manipulates my parents. And she's VERY dramatic. U can raise your hand Nd shell fall to the floor screaming that u hit her. So my parents can't take it. I constantly try to handel her but she uses the same " your not my mom. Don't tell me what to do." but I can't bother my mother. Iv had enough of her. And ignoring will NOT work. Restriction will NOT. It seems NOTHING will. The belt WON'T eather. She's IMPOSSIBLE. If we try and get someone. She simply acts like an angel and does every little thing you ask her. But when they see "nothing's wrong" and leave. It's back to living hell.
PLEASE HELP! I need to take care of my mother and help my father but it's IMPOSSIBLE with her. I dont know what to do..
@Skittles4Emos,
Your family should be in counseling - with and without your sister.
Your parents need skills and resources. Not all discipline comes from a belt.
@Skittles4Emos,
Please call social services in your area and ask them for help and they will
take it from there. Please call them immediately!
@CalamityJane,
I don't want to imply my parents aren't there. Their wonderful. It's just that they've given up on my sister. And I deal with her
