Public compliments or Public flattery

I've always been intriuiged by the fact that you can compliment on some personal aspect but not the opposite.

Eg:
Mame; you write very interesting comments
Dys; You smell

Hah! Love it.

Engineer, that is one of the great things about a2k, you never know who might really respect you and what you have to say.

I hope a2k has another get together soon. You have no idea how much fun it is to meet other a2kers in person. You realize that most a2kers are pretty honest because when you meet in person, they are familiar--except for appearances, once in a while, we all turn out to be "as expected."

Djjd, I've never seen a better reply to a question than yours. The song describes most of the people in a society that demands so much perfection. It's easy to see why Dys doesn't like you.

By the way, your older sister is pretty wonderful. Tell her that Diane and Dys miss her and Mr. Tai.

Thomas, since we don't like you much, I'll tell you that your should continue with the compliments, so you'll build up your collection of civil posters who compliment you. Dys can be so disappointing in that area. I've actually heard him say you're full of ****.

Compliments are nice, it's insincere flattery that might make you want to puke.

Failures art, your post could become another thread in the so many people never know how their compliments affect others, they can even affect other people's lives.

I remember being stopped at a traffic light, not knowing the left turn lane light for the cars stopped on the other side of the street, had been changed to "on" before the traffic on my side of the street could go on a green light.

As I started to go forward, when I thought the light had turned green, I was horrified to see the cars on the other side start to pull out. I slammed on the brakes, afraid of a possible accident or, at the very least, an obscene gesture, when the woman in the car coming toward me, saw my face and smiled, a lovely, understanding smile.

That happened over twenty years ago and I will never forget her kindness and understanding.

I have a feeling that you underestimate your positive effect on the people around you.

LOL

He likes me, he really, really likes me!!

I'll accept that Oscar now.

Dadpad has the nose that knows.

I made that particular perfume and named it: "Eau, de Cowboy." Guaranteed to stay strong for the entire evening...........

I think this is true Roberta. I have a tendency to thank someone after a compliment and then to try to explain why - like whatever they complimented me on was an accident on my part.

Goes something like this:
Them - "Hey Missy - you look nice today"
Me- "Thank you! I don't know how - I woke up late and was running around like an idiot trying to get out of the door. "

It has to be annoying for the other person to hear me do that.
It may very well have been an accident on my part - but I just need to learn to shut up and be grateful for pete's sake. And anyway - they were just trying to be nice...though I may not think I look nice, I should just take it at face value that they meant it. Insecurity on my part obviously.

(Rock - I'm going - really)

I think sometimes people don't quite know how to respond to a genuine compliment & also don't wish to appear "up themselves" (as we say in Oz) by warmly thanking the compliment-er ... could this mean that they're actually agreeing with the flattering comments?

Last week at work, I complemented a student on how nice she looked on an "out of uniform" day (to raise funds for Pakistan flood victims). You rarely see students out of uniform in many Oz schools & many of the students looked quite different.
She looked somewhat nonplussed, unsure of how to respond.
So I said: "I mean it. You do look very nice today. When someone gives you a compliment like that, all you need to do is say thanks & just leave it at that."
She looked more than a little relieved at not having to figure out an acceptable way of responding & complied gracefully. And also seemed pretty pleased at someone noticing how nice she looked! Ah adolescence can be so excruciating, can't it?

I like your scarf.

don't worry, it won't be there any longer
all happens are the reality of the world
accept it, you will feel happy and relaxed
treat it as common
all the other people may do this

I think it would be incredibly uncomfortable to be held up for comments like a spectacle. Most people like to exist here within their own comfort zone and interact as they please - maybe even interacting in a high profile way - but if you then hold a microscope over them and call out publicly for opinions about them - I can't understand how even a "popular" person wouldn't be really uneasy about that type of treatment. Glad it worked out in the end.

Sorry - not at you, Mame. I should have hit "reply to all."

Also, some people have a genuinely difficult time laboring under compliments.

One time we did have a 'Mame Appreciation Day" thread. Went rather well, as I recall.

I am a retired trial attorney. I liked trial work; fun.
Many of my clients were very happy with the results of my work,
tho I was kind of on the pricey side.

Some of them literally jumped for joy,
getting fairly hi off of the floor of the hall outside the courtroom,
one of whom was repeatedly shouting: "YOU are a GOOD lawyer!!! "
Some started exuberant dancing in court.


Then there was a client who called me: "the tiger"
because I was aggressive in court. He gave me a large,
colorful picture of a tiger, for my office. (I got my fee too, of course.)

When I began practice, in my early years, I worked for a firm.
Some of the lawyers in court, representing other litigants,
called the partners of the firm for which I worked,
telling them of some clever, unexpected ideas I got to win the case.
Once in a while u get hit in the head with inspiration.

My dry cleaner told me to go to India,
so in 1984, I went to India. On arrival, I made the mistake
of changing a $100 bill into the local currency, called rupees.
Very bulky results; my wallet was crammed too full of 100 rupee bills.
Thay were not worth much, in American dollars.
Thay made big impressions on Indians whose supplications
were answered by them, e.g., there was an older woman
who (by manual gesture)
hinted that I shoud begift her with cash for food.

Her response was unique in my experience,
when I gave her one of the 100 rupee bills:
she ran away, about 15 feet,
held it between her hands and raised them up toward the sky,
speaking in that direction, then she returned and got down on all 4s,
put her hands on my shoes, and put her forehead into the dust.
After she arose, she was speaking to me in Indian
and burst into tears 3 times.
I inferred a compliment.





David

You should have given her another one.

Yeah; that 's a good point.
One for each hand.

In another instance, in Chicago a few years ago,
at a convention of the International Association for Near Death Studies,
there was an elderly attender, apparently in shaky health,
with a cane, who in conversation with other conventioneers,
was lamenting and bemoaning his financial fate,
in that he had not bought a full registration,
but rather he got a cheaper one limited to only a few lectures,
some of his favorites. He was very sad. He had been plagued
by many tiny little expenditures, that limited him to buying
only a few lectures. He indicated that he had trouble deciding
which ones. I overheard him and gave him either a $20 bill or
a $50 bill, whichever it was. He was thrilled and very effusive
in his gratitude. Later in the evening, I remember doubling it;
(giving him either another $20 or another $50 bill).
The second time, he seemed not too impressed, especially.
I had been hoping to create happiness in him (again).

The second time did not work very well. I dunno Y not.





David

Arthur Bremmer, the man who tried to murder Gov. George Wallace, said that previously,
he had ventured forth to murder either Wallace or someone else,
but he got hungry, so he stopped in a small cafe for a sandwich.

He said that a waitress smiled at him, and he was pacified.
He aborted his murderous enterprise for several days.
He killed no one on that day, because of the smile.

About 2 years ago, c.11 PM, after leaving a restaurant
in upper Midtown Manhattan, I was walking toward my car.
I chanced to pass a florist 's shop, some of whose mdse
was displayed out on the sidewalk. I saw the beautiful,
colorful flowers and wondered about the fragrance of some roses.
I stopped n stooped to check for a moment, and proceeded.
Maybe 2 minutes thereafter, I was accosted by a young woman,
maybe college age, who said:
" U really DID stop to smell the roses; that 's heartening !"
I wished her a happy summer as she walked away.
It was a happy moment.





David

The man to whom you gave $20.00 was obviously grateful to you, but the second time, he might have felt obligated to you or, even worse, that you pitied him.