Public compliments or Public flattery

To start this off, I am copying some comments friends made on the other thread.

Littlek---Recently, a fellow hiker who was relatively new to the group
paid me a compliment. About 20 of us were packed into a look-out tower
with views of Boston and the hills to the West and North. This young
woman told me I had "the most beautiful eyes". Everyone stopped talking
and looked at me. Eek!
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Roberta--The PR person at the hospital I go to calls me a superstar. A
bit of flattery. She has suggested me as a possible subject to people
writing books and articles.
She also called me personally on a Sunday afternoon to get my advice on
a couple of books she's writing.
I just keep rolling along croaking a song.

(Roberta, those were sincere compliments, not flattery).

Many years ago I was walking down the aisle at the office. A new
assistant called out to me, "You know, you have a perfect profile." I
didn't even know she was talking to me. Never saw my profile. Spent
several days with mirrors trying to see it. I'm still mystified. Don't
know why I remembered that, but I did.
==============================================

Thomas--Ms. Olga called me "wonderful" earlier today. In public! And I
have to say it felt good. I'm not going to show an aw-shucks attitude
about it that I'm not feeling. Neither am I going to show any false
modesty: Ms. Olga's comment was very perceptive---as usual.
==============================================

Wandeljw--Here is a story about a compliment that I received right here
at Able2Know. On my birthday, gustavratzenhofer posted: "Wandel is the
antichrist. Am I the only one who sees this?"
I was flattered by the attention. Gus is one of my favorite humorists.
His specialty is insult humor. I was honored to become one of his
targets.

(HAH, Wandeljw, Gus has a special way with insult humor. It is always funny, but never mean. He's got the gift. D)

For a while I stopped flattering myself, but others just aren't as good as I am at it. If you want something done...

A
R
T

I think that our self-image influences how we take a kind remark--compliment or flattery. Sometimes someone will say something nice about me here (it's happened), and I smile. Sometimes someone says something nice about me here, and I say to myself, "Who the hell are they talking about?"

I was once arrested for being ugly in public and impersonating a human being.
The cops complimented me by saying it was the best impersonation they had ever seen...LOL

Interesting thread idea. When we combined with the philosophy site, there was a thread where people were introducing other A2K members for the benefit of the newcomers. Unlike some of the other regulars here, I have never met a fellow A2K member face to face, so I was surprised and flattered when someone posted an intro for me. So many times you try to compose a well thought out and researched response to someone only to have it appear that no one read it. To find out that someone out there was reading and thinking about what I wrote made my week.

I feel like a quote out of context
Withholding the rest
So I can be for you what you want to see
I got the gesture and sound
Got the timing down
It's uncanny, yeah, you think it was me
Do you think I should take a class
To lose my southern accent
Did I make me up, or make the face till it stuck
I do the best imitation of myself
The "problem with you" speech
You gave me was fine
I liked the theories about my little stage
And I swore I was listening
But I started drifting
Around the part about me acting my age
Now if it's all the same
I've people to entertain
I juggle one handed
Do some magic tricks and
The best imitation of myself
Maybe I'm thinking myself in a hole
Wondering, who I am when I ought to know
Straighten up now time to go
Fool somebody else, fool somebody else
Last night I was east with them
And west within
Trying to be for you what you wanna see
But I can't help it with you
The good and bad comes through
Don't want you hanging out with
No one but me
Now if it's all the same
It comes from the same place
And if my mind's somewhere else
You won't be able to tell
I do the best imitation of myself
Yes it's uncanny to see
You'd really think it was me
The best imitation of myself
The best imitation of myself

Online, I get public compliments quite frequently. I also get much feedback to the effect that I'm an idiot and full of ****, especially in political and philosophical threads. Predictably enough, all the compliments come from intelligent, thoughtful, and civil posters, whereas all the censure comes from morons. In real life, I get much less of either.

Aside from receiving public compliments, I also dispense them quite freely---except to Dys and Diane, neither of whom I ever liked. Now this thread, together with the one that spawned it, is making me wonder if I should be more cautious about that. If compliments cause so much embarrassment and discomfort, why make them?

I enjoy giving compliments more than receiving them. I rarely feel I've earned any compliments I've received with one exception. A while ago, I decided that if there was one thing worth being proud of it was how you treat others, so if I'm complemented on my kindness, I let myself enjoy the complement.

A
R
T

It's funny about compliments. Years ago someone suggested the best way to receive one is graciously, whether you agree with the compliment or not, so I've followed that advice. However, it's difficult when you think they're complimenting you for something you can't help (your looks) or for something you consider ordinary or not really deserving of it. Example, I get compliments on my paintings all the time and while I'm glad they like them and agree they're fun to look at, I am no artist so I feel undeserving of their rhapsodies (slight exaggeration there!). So in those cases, I just say 'Thank you, I'm glad you like them." Regarding compliments on looks - what the heck can you say? Just "Thanks", I guess. I mean, it's not something you did anything about, it's like being complimented on your height or gender. It just is what it is.

I guess the lesson I've learned from this episode is to not praise someone publically without their permission.

BBB

BBB, I'm glad you came to that conclusion. The last thing in the world I want is for you to be hurt and I am so relieved to know that you understand why it can be so embarrassing and intrusive to see very personal information put up for public examination.

I've known you for a long time and I know that you only want to show your appreciation for your friends. It's just that each of your friends are individuals and have very different comfort zones.

It was largely my fault that I let the compliments continue. My life has been rather unseen and, really, unremarkable, so I fell hard for expressions of friendship and I fell espcially hard for djjd and farmerman, those "hard reality boys" and let it continue.

I hope you will post on my new thread.

I think that's a bit of an odd conclusion to come to.

I mean, seriously, you're going to say to someone - oh, I really enjoyed what you wrote/said/did - do you mind if I tell other people.

I'm unlikely to carry on about how generally delightful/disgusting someone is, but if I think they've done something worth commenting on - bad or good - I'm not going to ask for their permission to make a public comment.

That may be true, ehBeth, but you'd also probably feel extremely uncomfortable if it was done the way BBB did it. No offense to her, she had good intentions, I'm sure, but I was cringing reading it. I would absolutely hate to have that happen to me. You're not a gushy person, either, so I expect you'd feel the same, wouldn't you?

Was about you, I thought it was about Princess Diana?

yeah, I've avoided this thread because it is simply offense, I find the motivation highly questionable which in the long run discredits the lady Diane. She doesn't deserve such discredit.

I didn't open the other thread, so I don't know about the particular contents. The title was enough to put me off my lunch, and thumb it out of sight.

I do know that I'm not going to ask for anyone's permission to comment about something specific they're done. Real life's not like that - and I try to be real around here as well.

Don't worry, there won't be any more.

BBB

Great song DJ. When singing the song out loud to myself I swap the words Do you think I should take a class/
To lose my southern accent ...
to To lose my Boston accent.

lady diane's brothers were mentally retarded, they are both dead. a friend would know that.