@hingehead,
I didn't think you were trying to insult me, but using "defence" triggered old memories of 5 eyes, and the tiny differences among a bunch of English speaking nations that would cause sparks to fly when no offense was meant. My husband is from North Carolina, I was raised between Baltimore & DC when my parents came home from overseas. I mention this because along the East Coast of the U.S., culture, food and dialect can differ every 300 miles you travel from Maine to Florida. My mother-in-law thought of me as a big city Yankee and feared I might see her as a rube. We were only separated by 5-600 miles but it was a different world.
There is no right or wrong way, just different ways. Personally, I enjoy the differences especially since so much of the country is beginning to appear all the same. I'm really not trying to be a smart ass, I was just fine tuning. Sorry if I appeared to take offense, or if you thought I was trying to offend you. I spent
my entire career involved in research and I'm still trying to break the habit. This time I wasn't trying to ruffle any feathers, honest.