8
   

Non-imaginary but pretend playmates.

 
 
Reply Thu 15 Jul, 2010 08:13 am
Yesterday Mo had Friend over. After he'd been here a while he came to me asking "Mo says his sisters were here this morning. Were they?"

Mo comes racing in yelling "YES, MOM, THEY WERE HERE."

I was baffled and, not having the opportunity to discuss it with Mo I said "Uhhhh... ummmm.... well..... I didn't see them.... but.... durrr.... uhhhh."

The backstory: Mo is my adopted son. He's 9 now, 6 when we adopted him, 2 when he came to live with us, 0 days when I first met him.

His twin sisters are 6. They live with their dad, who is not Mo's dad and who doesn't see any reason that his kids should really have anything to do with Mo since Mo isn't in any way related to him.

We haven't seen his sisters in about 3 years but they come up in conversation once in a while so we do talk about them and we did get some photos a couple of months ago.

Anyway.....

I've tried to puzzle through this on my own. Mo spent the night with Friend so I haven't had a chance to talk to him and, really, I'm not sure that I should bring it up.

I'm just puzzled by it coming up so out of the blue and in such a strange way so I'm sharing the incident with all of you in hopes that someone might have a handle on what's going on and what, if anything, I should do.

Thanks!
 
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Thu 15 Jul, 2010 08:40 am
It sounds to me, the way you said Mo came running in and yelling that the following is a logical possibility...

Mo and Friend were swapping stories and Mo said "oh yeah, well, my sisters were here visiting this morning"

Friend "were not"
Mo "were too"

etc. etc. for a while.

finally

Friend "nuh uh....I'm gonna go ask your mom"

Just like when sometimes I'm having a conversation with someone, and a third party walks by I'll ask them "Am I right Joan?"

I fully expect Joan to say "yes, you are" whether they know what we've been talking about, or not.

Mo was just trying to get you to play along.

I doubt it was some big pychological thing.


0 Replies
 
aidan
 
  2  
Reply Thu 15 Jul, 2010 08:41 am
@boomerang,
Maybe he just wishes they'd been there to play with him and he was stating what he'd been wishing to his friend who didn't know it wasn't true, so couldn't deny him the fulfillment of that wish.

I wouldn't worry too much about it. I went out with a guy once who'd created this elaborate family - a sister who worked in advertising for McDonald's - a brother who...did something extraordinary - I can't remember what. We went to college together four hours from his hometown, so I had no way of checking anything out. I just took him at his word.
So anyway - he was taking me to meet his 'mother' and we pulled up in front of this highrise apartment building that was supportive housing for elderly people and I'm like, 'Okay - why are we stopping here?' and I'm thinking, maybe I'm meeting his grandmother first or something.

He told me, 'This is where my foster mother lives. I don't have a family. This woman is named Margaret - she took me in when she was sixty and I was seven- she's the only mother I've ever had.'
I said, 'What about your sister - did she live with you and Margaret too?'
I'm still thinking there really IS a sister. There wasn't. He admitted all of it was just what he'd wanted to have had and since I was always talking about my family and brothers and sisters - he made some up.

It sounds weird - but it wasn't. He turned out to be totally normal (just sad about not having a family).

I would talk to Mo about how important it is to tell the truth in general though.
0 Replies
 
CalamityJane
 
  2  
Reply Thu 15 Jul, 2010 10:00 am
@boomerang,
I have to agree with Chai here, it's probably one of these things where kids
embellish on something that isn't there.

They were probably talking about siblings and Mo wanted his friend to understand that indeed he has 2 sisters who happened to come to visit just
that day.

Don't read too much into it! You could have said "Yes they were here..."
and later on talk with Mo about the issue casually like "What was that all about?"

Chances are it is really a harmless show-off game about siblings.
0 Replies
 
Cycloptichorn
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Jul, 2010 10:02 am
Another vote for don't read too much into it. I said all sorts of crazy **** as a kid, less than half was reality-based.

Cycloptichorn
Intrepid
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Jul, 2010 10:16 am
My thoughts are in line with the rest. Mo knows he has sisters and that he has not seen since we was about 6. Recent pictures were available and he would probably like to see them again.

He may be a bit self concious about the fact that his friend knows he has sisters that live apart from him and may wonder why they do not visit him.

I have a 16 year old who has been with us since she was 6. She has siblings out there as well. The 11 year old boy has been with us since he was 14 months. He had a sibling that died when he was 6. The 4 year old boy has been here since he was 8 months.

The parents are out of the picture, but the children know they are alive and out there somewhere.. Siblings are also out of the picture. It is normal for them to question and wish.

Personally, I wouldn't even bring it up with Mo unless he brings it up. Especially if there is nothing else that concerns you.

{edit} I forgot to mention that the 2 boys are half brothers
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Jul, 2010 01:06 pm
you said: He may be a bit self concious about the fact that his friend knows he has sisters that live apart from him and may wonder why they do not visit him.

That explains a lot.

You can respond by saying "And wasn't that fun?" or "Don't we wish they could visit more often?" and let it go. It lets him keep his fantasy but puts a little reality check on it.

We had my nephew come live with us when he was 8. He had been in 3 foster homes 3 years before that. There are all kinds of feelings out there that these kids have when the family is not all together. The neighborhood kids were very curious about why Bill was living with us. The real truth was that his parents were not able to care for him (alcohol, mental illness) but I just said, "We invited him and he said yes."

Seemed to satisfy everyone.
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Jul, 2010 02:19 pm
@PUNKEY,
PUNKEY wrote:

The neighborhood kids were very curious about why Bill was living with us. The real truth was that his parents were not able to care for him (alcohol, mental illness) but I just said, "We invited him and he said yes."

Seemed to satisfy everyone.



Cool answer.
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Jul, 2010 02:20 pm
@Cycloptichorn,
Cycloptichorn wrote:


I said all sorts of crazy **** as a kid, less than half was reality-based.

Cycloptichorn


I told my grandmother that this girl at school ate skunk for lunch that day.

She just replied "oh yeah?"
0 Replies
 
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Jul, 2010 03:44 pm
Thanks everyone. So far I've followed your advice and not said anything and that's been easy because the day got totally weird right after I posted this question.
dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Jul, 2010 06:24 pm
@boomerang,
Looks like I am going against the tide here (I haven't looked at all the posts) but I'd certainly raise it with him.

Sounds like the whole sister thing is on his mind, and I'd be wanting him to have a chance to talk about it if he wants to.

I'd just say something like "remember when you said your sisters had been here? That made me wonder if you've been thinking about them?"

How can they not be related to him? Don't they have the same mum as he does? I am lost.

Just because the dad doesn't see the relationship as important doesn't mean it isn't important to Mo.

I find kids I work with long to see "lost" siblings and think about them a lot. Mind you, they're often not as wonderful as they hoped when they DO see them...but they're still usually very important emotionally.





boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jul, 2010 09:52 am
@dlowan,
Mo brought it up over dinner last night (asking me what their names are) so we did end up talking a bit about what happened the other day. As usual, I got the "I don't know" shrug response -- meaning he'll probably bring it up over the next week or so.

He has been a little wacky lately, acting odd, easily aggrevated.

He ended up leaving his overnight with Friend and walking home at 8:30 yesterday morning. I'm still not sure whether I'm furious with him for leaving their house unannounced or happy that he knew to remove himself from whatever was making him uncomfortable.
Intrepid
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jul, 2010 09:58 am
@boomerang,
Quote:
He ended up leaving his overnight with Friend and walking home at 8:30 yesterday morning


This part certainly needs to be addressed with Mo
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jul, 2010 10:03 am
@Intrepid,
Oh believe me. It has been addressed.
dadpad
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jul, 2010 10:31 pm
@boomerang,
boomerang wrote:

Oh believe me. It has been addressed.

I felt it all the way over here
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Sat 17 Jul, 2010 10:30 am
@dadpad,
Shockwaves are funny like that.
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Sat 17 Jul, 2010 10:36 am
@boomerang,
What was the outcome over his sisters, boomer? Did Mo express desire to
see them? Does his friend have siblings?
OmSigDAVID
 
  0  
Reply Sat 17 Jul, 2010 10:38 am
@Intrepid,
Quote:
He ended up leaving his overnight with Friend
and walking home at 8:30 yesterday morning
Intrepid wrote:
This part certainly needs to be addressed with Mo
He was within his rights, to leave. He has no duty to be a guest against his will.





David
Intrepid
 
  1  
Reply Sat 17 Jul, 2010 10:43 am
@OmSigDAVID,
OmSigDAVID wrote:

Quote:
He ended up leaving his overnight with Friend
and walking home at 8:30 yesterday morning
Intrepid wrote:
This part certainly needs to be addressed with Mo
He was within his rights, to leave. He has no duty to be a guest against his will.





David


C'mon, David. I know you have said that you never had children but you should at least have some common sense. I know that is a lot to ask, you being a lawyer and all.

Mo is 9 years old. He was not being held against his will. He was in a safe place that was endorsed by his mother. I am not saying he should have stayed, I am saying he should not have left without the knowledge and consent of his mother. THAT is what needed to be addressed with him.

Next you will be saying that he should have had a gun to protect himself against the bad guys he may have encountered.

Rolling Eyes
CalamityJane
 
  3  
Reply Sat 17 Jul, 2010 10:47 am
@Intrepid,
Intrepid wrote:


Next you will be saying that he should have had a gun to protect himself against the bad guys he may have encountered.

Rolling Eyes


Please, do not encourage him, Intrepid.
 

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