I finally understand why my teenager was acting the way he was!

excellent start. I applaud your efforts. you might tell him you love him.

Me too.

We made a day that me and him can just hang out. Its every Wednesday and tomarrow he decided to go ice skating.

Good point; people carry that with them for many year n decades.

I am so delighted that you didn't turn this into a power issue and take off his door. at least for now it sounds like there is no where to go but up. I sincerely wish you and your son well.

SO STIPULATED.





David

Wow, your son sounds a lot like myself. I was also the oldest of 3, started playing ice hockey at age 8, and probably also acted out a bit at that age, for the same reasons. I mellowed out after a while, but 13 may be just the beginning of a long ordeal with rebellious tendencies.

I think parents tend to sometimes unfairly expect more out of their first child, and build up some extra pressure there, when it isn't needed. Teenage kids have enough pressure these days as it is, and I believe that overbearing parents (not to say that you are one) can contribute to this effect, causing the pot to boil over on occasion. Giving him space, while remaining supportive, and not expecting him to be "perfect" (whatever that may be), I think is a good path to take.

Yeah; I woud have rebelled, but I was alone a lot in childhood and my parents did not interfere with my liberty.
There was nothing against which to rebell.
When we returned to NY I was 13.
I had my private apartment in our new house, well fitted out; no objections.





David

Also, I wouldn't really worry about the fighting in hockey games, unless it's abnormal for his league, or his coach has said something about it. Like it or not, fighting's a part of hockey; though the US leagues have done their best to weed it out, it's very much still a healthy tradition in Canadian leagues. At your son's age, they can't hurt one another with full face protection anyhow.

The fighting and swearing, he's getting from the hockey locker room, you can bet on that. But the benefits of participating in such a great team sport outweigh the negative aspects.

Yeah, He said the only reason he started fighting is that a player on the other team was intigating him and he didn't want to be a pussy and back out.

Hockey is an inherently violent sport, and fighting is accepted when two players decide to "go", especially if there was some type of penalty not called by the ref. As long as he's only doing it on occasion in games, it's not really a big deal.

Just got back from the ice rink. It was fun. I haven't skated in a while so I had to get used to it again. It was worth it though.

Good news to hear. I figure you can estimate that as he ages he won't always want to spend that kind of time with you, but I think it's a good mode to have in place, and that keeping up with each other (while letting him have space to grow independent) is a good thing. I'm a woman.. my father used to take me to see some sports (and even do some) when I was a teen. I think it was good for both of us, and think the conversations on those days - not so much heavy ones, as just many times talking and talking and talking - formed one more basis for our camaraderie over the years.

Tomarrow I am taking him and his little sister to their grandma's pool.

what will you do when he cant have what he wants?

Dadpad brings up a good point. Eventually, the warm fuzzies will wear off and you will be back to the real world. I suggest you and your son have a heart to heart now while the feelings are still open and positive.

Yeah we went to family counseling today. It was a good expirence. He got to tell his step dad how he felt and I hope that helped them form a better relationship.

It will take more than one session to see lasting results, but it definitely sounds like you are on the right track! It's great to read this. Good for all of you!