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I finally understand why my teenager was acting the way he was!

 
 
Reply Tue 22 Jun, 2010 02:46 pm
Today I took my 13 year old to a therapist. He wasn't to happy with the decision, but he didn't fight it for long. He was in with the therapist for about a half an hour and then he called me in so we could talk. He told me that he felt that acting out was the only way to get attention from me and his step-father. He also said that he though I gave more attention to his little sister and baby brother and that I always take his step-father's side and that I rather be with him. I also found out why he got into the fight when he was playing in his hockey game. This worried me because he doesn't usually fight and this is only his 3rd fight in 5 years of playing. The picture he drew also made me shed a tear.
 
dyslexia
 
  3  
Reply Tue 22 Jun, 2010 06:24 pm
@Katrina96,
excellent start. I applaud your efforts. you might tell him you love him.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Tue 22 Jun, 2010 06:27 pm
@dyslexia,
Me too.
0 Replies
 
Katrina96
 
  3  
Reply Tue 22 Jun, 2010 06:32 pm
@Katrina96,
We made a day that me and him can just hang out. Its every Wednesday and tomarrow he decided to go ice skating.
OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Tue 22 Jun, 2010 06:49 pm
@dyslexia,
dyslexia wrote:
excellent start. I applaud your efforts. you might tell him you love him.
Good point; people carry that with them for many year n decades.
0 Replies
 
dyslexia
 
  5  
Reply Tue 22 Jun, 2010 06:54 pm
@Katrina96,
I am so delighted that you didn't turn this into a power issue and take off his door. at least for now it sounds like there is no where to go but up. I sincerely wish you and your son well.
OmSigDAVID
 
  0  
Reply Tue 22 Jun, 2010 08:53 pm
@dyslexia,
dyslexia wrote:
I am so delighted that you didn't turn this into a power issue and take off his door.
at least for now it sounds like there is no where to go but up.
I sincerely wish you and your son well.
SO STIPULATED.





David
0 Replies
 
Pangloss
 
  5  
Reply Tue 22 Jun, 2010 09:04 pm
@Katrina96,
Wow, your son sounds a lot like myself. I was also the oldest of 3, started playing ice hockey at age 8, and probably also acted out a bit at that age, for the same reasons. I mellowed out after a while, but 13 may be just the beginning of a long ordeal with rebellious tendencies.

I think parents tend to sometimes unfairly expect more out of their first child, and build up some extra pressure there, when it isn't needed. Teenage kids have enough pressure these days as it is, and I believe that overbearing parents (not to say that you are one) can contribute to this effect, causing the pot to boil over on occasion. Giving him space, while remaining supportive, and not expecting him to be "perfect" (whatever that may be), I think is a good path to take.
OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Tue 22 Jun, 2010 11:21 pm
@Pangloss,
Pangloss wrote:
Wow, your son sounds a lot like myself. I was also the oldest of 3, started playing ice hockey at age 8, and probably also acted out a bit at that age, for the same reasons. I mellowed out after a while, but 13 may be just the beginning of a long ordeal with rebellious tendencies.
Yeah; I woud have rebelled, but I was alone a lot in childhood and my parents did not interfere with my liberty.
There was nothing against which to rebell.
When we returned to NY I was 13.
I had my private apartment in our new house, well fitted out; no objections.





David
0 Replies
 
Pangloss
 
  1  
Reply Wed 23 Jun, 2010 12:11 am
Also, I wouldn't really worry about the fighting in hockey games, unless it's abnormal for his league, or his coach has said something about it. Like it or not, fighting's a part of hockey; though the US leagues have done their best to weed it out, it's very much still a healthy tradition in Canadian leagues. At your son's age, they can't hurt one another with full face protection anyhow.

The fighting and swearing, he's getting from the hockey locker room, you can bet on that. But the benefits of participating in such a great team sport outweigh the negative aspects.

0 Replies
 
Katrina96
 
  1  
Reply Wed 23 Jun, 2010 10:25 am
@Katrina96,
Yeah, He said the only reason he started fighting is that a player on the other team was intigating him and he didn't want to be a pussy and back out.
Pangloss
 
  1  
Reply Wed 23 Jun, 2010 10:43 am
@Katrina96,
Hockey is an inherently violent sport, and fighting is accepted when two players decide to "go", especially if there was some type of penalty not called by the ref. As long as he's only doing it on occasion in games, it's not really a big deal.
0 Replies
 
Katrina96
 
  1  
Reply Wed 23 Jun, 2010 03:56 pm
@Katrina96,
Just got back from the ice rink. It was fun. I haven't skated in a while so I had to get used to it again. It was worth it though.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Wed 23 Jun, 2010 04:03 pm
@Katrina96,
Good news to hear. I figure you can estimate that as he ages he won't always want to spend that kind of time with you, but I think it's a good mode to have in place, and that keeping up with each other (while letting him have space to grow independent) is a good thing. I'm a woman.. my father used to take me to see some sports (and even do some) when I was a teen. I think it was good for both of us, and think the conversations on those days - not so much heavy ones, as just many times talking and talking and talking - formed one more basis for our camaraderie over the years.
0 Replies
 
Katrina96
 
  1  
Reply Wed 23 Jun, 2010 05:57 pm
@Katrina96,
Tomarrow I am taking him and his little sister to their grandma's pool.
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dadpad
 
  1  
Reply Sat 26 Jun, 2010 11:51 pm
what will you do when he cant have what he wants?
0 Replies
 
Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Mon 28 Jun, 2010 06:24 am
Dadpad brings up a good point. Eventually, the warm fuzzies will wear off and you will be back to the real world. I suggest you and your son have a heart to heart now while the feelings are still open and positive.
0 Replies
 
Katrina96
 
  1  
Reply Mon 28 Jun, 2010 06:16 pm
@Katrina96,
Yeah we went to family counseling today. It was a good expirence. He got to tell his step dad how he felt and I hope that helped them form a better relationship.
0 Replies
 
Eva
 
  1  
Reply Mon 28 Jun, 2010 06:38 pm
It will take more than one session to see lasting results, but it definitely sounds like you are on the right track! It's great to read this. Good for all of you!
0 Replies
 
 

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