good heavens, I don't have the time to read all that sometime sun, but I will say that....
I enjoy your posts.
Thank you, from what I have read of you I enjoy you also.
I understand fully plenty of my posts are lengthy,
I love to write,
Catharsis and Creation.
I like your avatar.
I took this picture myself in the British Museum,
Sekhmet as the sun starts to set.
I like how you say things like "sometime sun smiling"
Thank you, happy recent accident, this place has inspired me.
I think you should stop beating yourself up, but, I also think you enjoy doing that to yourself.
I was about to say I don't do this often, but that is not really true.
You will find a great deal of self inspection in my posts.
I may feel proud of a days work but I am always striving to be 'better' which means unfortunately, for me, criticising myself regularly.
Not so good at taking it it would seem, no matter how much I protest I need it form others, I guess I am just more used to my own brand of torture. (sun smile)
And you are not wrong about me enjoying and feeling safe in my words, coins and creations, and that although I mean, live and fly through every word I inscribe, say and sing I am still truly sad and uncomfortable about my self and my bad example.
I did indeed have appreciation and desire for being competent enough to illustrate my state of being and to try to reach inside myself so as to reach you further.
So I enjoy being able to be strong enough to birth this but it was to be able to abort my negativity. And any abortion is solidly hard and awful.
(you will also see sometimes I don't always know where and when my words end and where and when I begin)
I have no idea why you feel embarrassed, and I don't think most other people know either.
It does not really matter that my embarrassment is not widely understood, just that it may be widely understood I am sorry for something I may have done to hurt another, it was however a way for me to understand and appease my own embarrassment, the only way to rid myself of it was to write about it and try to stand tall on the block by sharing it.
I did wrong so I had to let it be shown that "I" understand when I am so.
This is not so much a self flagellation a sit is trying to dress wounds.
Just enjoy yourself. Life's short.
Oh I do enjoy myself, I think I am a rather enjoyable and pleasant and fun human and writer and thinker.
I enjoy trying to pleasure people.
I enjoy highly thinking and writing and connecting, all relatively new for me, even a little addicted so warming is my enjoyment.
But my enjoyment and angst should never come at the cost of another.
I owe this world enough as it is.
All my best is has been an en joy meant sharing with you.